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Thread: Is asking for space controlling?

  1. #1

    Is asking for space controlling?

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years..
    We used to live together but that didn’t work out so now we live separately and I usually stay at his fri-mon/tues.
    When I ask for space he says that I have space during the week when I am at home, and also sometimes calls me controlling as all he wants to do is see me and I am taking that time away from him.
    I know that this is not right and I tell him this, he however feels like he is right and says “what about what I want” and “I’m not going anywhere”.
    However when I try to leave him it turns into such a problem that I always end up going back to him and so the cycle begins again.
    I just don’t know to break the cycle as it’s been 6 years coming up to 7 now and I feel as though I cannot see us going anywhere further than what it is now but I also cannot find myself leaving him either..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why wasn't it working out? It sounds like you are both still in a control struggle and argue about everything. Be busy during the week rather than lecture about "space". Don't play games. Get off this on/off roller coaster. Admit it's not working.
    Originally Posted by GenConlan
    We used to live together but that didn’t work out so now we live separately and I usually stay at his fri-mon/tues.

    I know that this is not right and I tell him this, he however feels like he is right and says “what about what I want” and “I’m not going anywhere”.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You bf sounds controlling, needy, and highly manipulative. He is also turning it all around and projecting all that onto you and blaming you for his issues.
    Things aren't working out. It's a dead end relationship that's going backward rather than forward - you know you can't live together. You sound miserable.
    So what is it about this situation that makes you say that you can't see yourself leaving him?

  4. #4
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    This is not going anywhere. I think it is best to end it. Stop wasting precious years.

    Do you have friends and a social life?

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  6. #5
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    Why not instead of saying you need space say "i have a work function friday night and just stay home that night". you don't ask for space - you take it.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Wow, needy guy. You live with him half the week.

    Healthy space is good. Some married couples don't live together and see each other once a week for a date.

    Yeah, but don't say you need space. People say that when they want to break up.

    You just need to put your foot down and walk out. Tell him you have things to do. If you are not with him you are busy doing something else, right?

    Don't worry, he's not going to break up with you because he wants you too much.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When someone demands your time and also tells you he isn't going anywhere.....that sounds rather threatening to me and definitely controlling on his part. Aggressive.

    I really wish OP would come back to the thread and clarify more what's going on between them so we can give her better advice.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Ask yourself why you can't picture yourself leaving him. Are you afraid for your safety? Afraid to be alone/single? Do you hate change or big life transitions?

    I agree with the others that likely you two are simply incompatible and should move on. However, your answer to the above question will determine how and when that should be done.

  10. #9
    I also feel as though we are not right for each other, and I am open and honest about those thoughts with him, but he says that we are basically not agreeing with me. But I love him so I always go back, which I know is wrong, but I always find myself going back to him as I cannot deal with the trouble it will cause my family aswell. I know that I’m the fault in that and am probably insane as I keep going back to him expecting different results.. I know it’s my fault for being in this position

  11. #10
    The hard thing is, when we are both happy and getting along it’s perfect and he’s the perfect person...

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