GenConlan Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years.. We used to live together but that didn’t work out so now we live separately and I usually stay at his fri-mon/tues. When I ask for space he says that I have space during the week when I am at home, and also sometimes calls me controlling as all he wants to do is see me and I am taking that time away from him. I know that this is not right and I tell him this, he however feels like he is right and says “what about what I want” and “I’m not going anywhere”. However when I try to leave him it turns into such a problem that I always end up going back to him and so the cycle begins again. I just don’t know to break the cycle as it’s been 6 years coming up to 7 now and I feel as though I cannot see us going anywhere further than what it is now but I also cannot find myself leaving him either.. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Why wasn't it working out? It sounds like you are both still in a control struggle and argue about everything. Be busy during the week rather than lecture about "space". Don't play games. Get off this on/off roller coaster. Admit it's not working. We used to live together but that didn’t work out so now we live separately and I usually stay at his fri-mon/tues. I know that this is not right and I tell him this, he however feels like he is right and says “what about what I want” and “I’m not going anywhere”. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 You bf sounds controlling, needy, and highly manipulative. He is also turning it all around and projecting all that onto you and blaming you for his issues. Things aren't working out. It's a dead end relationship that's going backward rather than forward - you know you can't live together. You sound miserable. So what is it about this situation that makes you say that you can't see yourself leaving him? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 This is not going anywhere. I think it is best to end it. Stop wasting precious years. Do you have friends and a social life? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Why not instead of saying you need space say "i have a work function friday night and just stay home that night". you don't ask for space - you take it. Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Wow, needy guy. You live with him half the week. Healthy space is good. Some married couples don't live together and see each other once a week for a date. Yeah, but don't say you need space. People say that when they want to break up. You just need to put your foot down and walk out. Tell him you have things to do. If you are not with him you are busy doing something else, right? Don't worry, he's not going to break up with you because he wants you too much. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 When someone demands your time and also tells you he isn't going anywhere.....that sounds rather threatening to me and definitely controlling on his part. Aggressive. I really wish OP would come back to the thread and clarify more what's going on between them so we can give her better advice. Link to comment
SGH Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Ask yourself why you can't picture yourself leaving him. Are you afraid for your safety? Afraid to be alone/single? Do you hate change or big life transitions? I agree with the others that likely you two are simply incompatible and should move on. However, your answer to the above question will determine how and when that should be done. Link to comment
GenConlan Posted May 31, 2019 Author Share Posted May 31, 2019 I also feel as though we are not right for each other, and I am open and honest about those thoughts with him, but he says that we are basically not agreeing with me. But I love him so I always go back, which I know is wrong, but I always find myself going back to him as I cannot deal with the trouble it will cause my family aswell. I know that I’m the fault in that and am probably insane as I keep going back to him expecting different results.. I know it’s my fault for being in this position Link to comment
GenConlan Posted May 31, 2019 Author Share Posted May 31, 2019 The hard thing is, when we are both happy and getting along it’s perfect and he’s the perfect person... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Why would you breaking up with him cause trouble for your family? Link to comment
Jibralta Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 The hard thing is, when we are both happy and getting along it’s perfect and he’s the perfect person... Well that's true for everyone. It's what happens during the difficult times that is important. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 The hard thing is, when we are both happy and getting along it’s perfect and he’s the perfect person... No you don't get along perfectly. You want some time to yourself or for friends on the weekend, and he refuses to give it - and its not like he says "oh i am bummed. i would want to see you" -- he basically tells you that "WE" are not agreeing with you. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Is asking for space controlling? No. When I ask for space he says that I have space during the week when I am at home, and also sometimes calls me controlling as all he wants to do is see me and I am taking that time away from him. THAT is controlling. However when I try to leave him it turns into such a problem that I always end up going back to him and so the cycle begins again. What becomes the problem, exactly? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Why bother telling him this when you can simply end it? Why are you hanging on to him like this?I also feel as though we are not right for each other, and I am open and honest about those thoughts with him Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Why would you breaking up with him cause trouble for your family? I still want to know this...does he have nude pics of you or something? Link to comment
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