Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: Advice on the ex

  1. #1

    Advice on the ex

    My boyfriend has been separated for 5 years. He was with his wife for 17 yrs. She is still very much a part of his family. Goes to his family events etc. I just can't get my head around this. My feelings are she should take a step back so me and boyfriend can go to these events and give me a chance to fit in with his family. Atm she goes or we go. My boyfriend also thinks this is fine that she goes and thinks even if I can't attend he should be able to go. I haven't met her yet and he does not want us to meet yet. Your thoughts please. We have been together 7 months.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,599
    Do they have kids together, and if so, are the kids at these events?

    If not, then yes, I would feel it is inappropriate for his ex-wife to be attending family functions. If he insists on it and sees no issue with it, that would be my signal that this isn't the man for me. Being friendly with an ex is one thing; celebrating family events together if there are no kids involved? No, not for me.

    Does she even know you exist, OP?

  3. #3
    Kids are 15 and 17.

  4. #4
    Yes she knows about me. And kids do go to the events

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,599
    If there are kids involved, then I think you are going to have to recognize that her presence will always be a part of your relationship with him in one way or another.

    I wouldn't try to intervene here and bar her (or him) from these events. She is their mom. As time goes on, and when your relationship becomes more serious, you might find that she is not as keen to be around his family as she is now anyway. After you meet her, it's possible it will all be more "real" for her too, and she steps backs on her own volition.

    Personally, I would observe now. See if he makes steps to divorce (I am gathering they have not filed yet, correct?) and integrate you further into his life. See what he does on his own accord, too. If you reach the one-year mark, for example, and you don't see any progress in either direction, I would re-evaluate if this is really someone to commit to.

    Having said all of that, if you are currently seriously uncomfortable with this and don't feel you can accept it, it would be wiser to walk away rather than insist on changing their dynamic. It won't be worth the hassle.

  7. #6
    Thanks for the advice. Much appreciated. A new situation for me. I was hoping to compromise and say I'm happy to attend together if she's there but didn't want him to attend with her there if I can't go. Especially when we haven't met. No divorce in near future because of cost apparently.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,266
    At 7 months in itís probably too soon to introduce his kids to you.

    Have you met them?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,985
    Gender
    Male
    Ok 7 mos is a good time to determine if this situation is right for you. Do they still live together? They are still married so that tells you a lot about their dynamic. It seems they treat you like a fifth wheel in their marriage/relationship. Does she know about you or is this an affair?
    Originally Posted by VickiKeesing
    My boyfriend has been separated for 5 years. My feelings are she should take a step back so me and boyfriend can go to these events and give me a chance to fit in with his family. We have been together 7 months.

  10. #9
    Have had a lot to do with the kids we get on great

  11. #10
    They have lived apart for 5 years

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •