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Thread: Overcoming Guilt After Sterilization

  1. #11
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    Unfortunately. I was on long term birth control and when it was almost expired I talked with him about sterilization.

    I thought long and hard if it was really what I wanted. I thought about the good times with my little one, held babies, about my pregnancy; and it wasn't enough to persuade me.

    When our child was younger, I would be playing with relatives' babies and feeding them, my husband would say to family "don't even think about it" about another child. When he would see siblings arguing, he would say how glad we have one child. I guess I have more fault than I thought because I didn't outright ask him if he wanted more kids, just what he wanted to do regarding family planning.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You did the responsible thing. You talked to him then found a responsible solution. Why is he beating you up over something that was discussed and can't be undone? Is he trying to justify an affair, or divorce? Sounds like it. You didn't "rob him" of anything.
    Originally Posted by gumbierthan
    In five years he never mentioned starting on baby number two, and he would make comments about how he was glad we only had one child. I tried talking with him before I underwent surgery. I was honest about how I really didn't want any more children and I was never quiet about it.

  3. #13
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    In five years he never mentioned starting on baby number two, and he would make comments about how he was glad we only had one child. I tried talking with him before I underwent surgery. I was honest about how I really didn't want any more children and I was never quiet about it.

    you told him that you didn't want children and that you were having surgery. you did not really sit down and talk, did you?

    When it was prom time, i was very hurt that i was the only girl without a date even though 10 boys didn't have dates and went to prom solo. I would say 'well i am glad i don't have a date. i actually WANTED it that way" even though i was hurting deep inside.

    You did not sit down and say "honey, I keep hearing you saying that you are glad we only have one child. Does that mean you do not want any more children, or does that mean you are trying to just be happy with who we have? If we really are sure we don't want kids, one of us could get sterilized. What are your thoughts about that? (LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN) "If we did, I would say it should be me..."
    So it was something you both wanted.

    If he wasn't totally on board with it, he is not going to say boo about it because you have already decided and men are told they have no right to have an opinion when it comes to women's reproduction even though he is your husband and he should get input as your partner and sounded board. Sometimes people are upset when things are final even if they were okay with the decision.

    At this point, I predict that he may eventually leave and have kids with someone else because that is still his deepest desire. Or he is going to be passive aggressive with you.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I seriously doubt he wants a divorce so he can go have kids with some other woman.

    Time to talk this out.

    He is acting childish and needs to understand how much that hurts

    Lost

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Thank you for not having more children when you know you don't 100% want that! I absolutely agree with you that it would be unfair to have more kids just because someone else may want you to have them.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Thank you for not having more children when you know you don't 100% want that! I absolutely agree with you that it would be unfair to have more kids just because someone else may want you to have them.
    Of course. I couldn't fathom ruining the life of my flesh and blood. Children are not idiots, they know when they are "tolerated". Being ill-equipped to properly raise them isn't an excuse then they turn out bad too. Although I will say that between my spouse, mother-in-law, and child I was looking into the cost of IVF and a reversal.

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