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I found out my boy is bi sexual


lostaf123

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He didnÂ’t tell me. I went through his phone and found ims back and forth with him and another guy. The conversation he had with this man literally knocked me off my feet. I laid on the bathroom floor crying and screaming for hours then I panicked and I started thinking about whether I had hiv or aids. Thoughts just started coming from everywhere I wanted to throw up 🤢 but all I could do was gag nothing would come up he pryed his way into the bathroom where I was at on the floor and started trying to talk to me and trying to comfort me. He lied so good all this time people were telling me he was gay I felt like he was too by the way he acted his mannerisms the way he talks dance etc... I had signs but I ignored them due to the fact that he would always have a believable explanation for it. I wanted to believe him.... now IÂ’m distraught. I donÂ’t know whether IÂ’m coming or going I keep waking up hoping itÂ’s a dream. I feel so alone and I have no one I can share this with to get input or advice due to embarrassment... he cried and cried and we cried together he promised me he would change his behavior and he says he doesnÂ’t want to be this way itÂ’s just hard for him to fight it. He says he has known every since he was 13 and now heÂ’s 26... he says he never went all the way with a man but that he is attracted to both men and women. He says he likes to see how far he can go with the men but heÂ’s never kissed a man heÂ’s never touched male penis other than his own and heÂ’s never had intercourse with a man but he is attracted to them...somebody help me please IÂ’m dying just trying to write this....

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First of all, HIV is more common among heterosexuals, so it may be time that you educate yourself on protection and use condoms.

 

I am sorry for what you are going through, but your post is very offensive towards gays (the way they talk, dance and act). If you thought he acted so "gay" then why did you date him?

 

He cannot change his behavior, as this is who he is.

 

Bottom line, the guy cheated on you and is into dudes. Either you accept that he is bi, or possible gay, and a cheater/liar, or you end it.

 

You need to walk away.

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I appreciate your response. I wasn’t intending to offend gay people I was only trying to express how I felt in that moment. As a heterosexual woman we can all attest to the fact that we look for certain signs to detect whether there is gayness or something because let’s be honest here people be undercover all the time and when they lie about their sexuality it takes away your right to decide whether u want to deal with them any further. Like I said he lied to me I don’t /won’t judge him based on who he cheated with he cheated period that’s all and I feel cheated because I gave him opportunities to come out. I told him he acted feminine during pillow y’all and he said it’d because he was raised by his mom and grandma. I left it at that. All he seemed worried about was whether I was going to out him to the world. U have no idea what I’ve been through in the past two days so please don’t come at me harshly because I am not politically correct when speaking about gays I don’t know the codes or the lingo or how supposed to talk about it so if u can’t help me then don’t comment. I asked for help not nobody in their feelings to be telling me how I should talk about the gay community I don’t have time for that I need real advice. I felt anger I felt confused I felt sad for him because he’s so afraid. I stayed with him I didn’t leave his side I held him as he cried about it. I told him that I didn’t judge him. I told him that it was just a very small insignificant part of him and that it wasn’t a big deal and I told him I love him no matter what he chooses to do nothing can change my love for him which is true I am in love with him I can’t just walk away I just don’t know how “to be” sorta speak moving forward... if he’s interested in men I can never be that so god help me how can I ever please him

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I appreciate your response. I wasn’t intending to offend gay people I was only trying to express how I felt in that moment. As a heterosexual woman we can all attest to the fact that we look for certain signs to detect whether there is gayness or something because let’s be honest here people be undercover all the time and when they lie about their sexuality it takes away your right to decide whether u want to deal with them any further. Like I said he lied to me I don’t /won’t judge him based on who he cheated with he cheated period that’s all and I feel cheated because I gave him opportunities to come out. I told him he acted feminine during pillow y’all and he said it’d because he was raised by his mom and grandma. I left it at that. All he seemed worried about was whether I was going to out him to the world. U have no idea what I’ve been through in the past two days so please don’t come at me harshly because I am not politically correct when speaking about gays I don’t know the codes or the lingo or how supposed to talk about it so if u can’t help me then don’t comment. I asked for help not nobody in their feelings to be telling me how I should talk about the gay community I don’t have time for that I need real advice

 

I had to say something, as there are gay posters, and we should always be sensitive to our audience.

 

The bottom line is, is that he cheated and lied. If you had not snooped, he would not have been honest with you. How do you not know that he is not lying, now? You need to end this.

 

You should also be using condoms, no matter the sexual orientation. Be smarter. Get tested. Who knows how many people he has been with.

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Please leave him. he is a liar and a cheat. And get tested for STDs. I would not believe him for a second if someone says "i have done everything with them, except...." He does it because he likes it. He does not sexually desire you as his one and only. And don't look back.

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Don't worry about who you offend - these are your emotions and you have the right to speak them.

 

It doesn’t make people gay because of who they are raised by. That is a stereotype.

 

HE is the one who said it was because who he was raised by. Those are not her words.

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And, she believed it.

 

She accepted his excuse because she wants to believe he can't help himself and its "not his fault" vs "he is a cheater ". She realizes now, but at the time....

If someone told me "i am this way because of THIS" -- and that's their belief, I am not going to get into a debate about what they personally believe about themselves. And she just had a big shock.

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I believed him. I loved and still love him I just don’t know how I’m supposed to love him through this I’m hurt he’s hurt because he hurt me but I’m not sure what I’m still doing in this because he said he was not going to be with guys but I see him and this particular guy still friends on Facebook and I just don’t know what my role is or what my next move is or anything. I don’t know what I’m doing I feel like I’m just floating

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I believed him. I loved and still love him I just don’t know how I’m supposed to love him through this I’m hurt he’s hurt because he hurt me but I’m not sure what I’m still doing in this because he said he was not going to be with guys but I see him and this particular guy still friends on Facebook and I just don’t know what my role is or what my next move is or anything. I don’t know what I’m doing I feel like I’m just floating

 

You don't love him through this. you love YOURSELF by stop being his girlfriend. After you heal, you find an honorable man who loves you and only you.

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I wanted to leave but my heart broke to watch him crying like that so I stayed. He said he was going to kill himself but now looking back at it it’s probably because he thought I would tell people. I told him he should be proud of who he is and that I’m proud of him no matter what but I’m not proud of how I had to find out because it damn near killed me tbh... but to spare him his dignity I comforted him and I told him we didn’t have to ever talk about it again and now I just have so many questions, you are right he never would’ve told me. He did me wrong for sure he is a habitual liar and every time I catch him he always use the water work trick to reel me back in. He knows I can’t stand to see him cry, I can’t stand to see anyone cry. I cry when people on tv cry I’m just like that. He says I’m a good person and I have a beautiful heart . He tells me I’m a angel and he’s a devil and now I kinda believe him even though I know his sexuality doesn’t make him a devil it’s the deceit that makes him evil and the manipulation...

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I just got out of a 10 year marriage and he was the 1st man I been with in 10 years other than my ex husband... my husband cheated he was verbally physically and mentally abusive this guy was kind loving and gentle at first. What is it about me that keeps attracting these men who just keep hurting me . What am I doing wrong.... so broken I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this. Being left for another woman is one thing but being left by your man for another man... there is no comeback for that

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I wanted to leave but my heart broke to watch him crying like that so I stayed. He said he was going to kill himself but now looking back at it it’s probably because he thought I would tell people. I told him he should be proud of who he is and that I’m proud of him no matter what but I’m not proud of how I had to find out because it damn near killed me tbh... but to spare him his dignity I comforted him and I told him we didn’t have to ever talk about it again and now I just have so many questions, you are right he never would’ve told me. He did me wrong for sure he is a habitual liar and every time I catch him he always use the water work trick to reel me back in. He knows I can’t stand to see him cry, I can’t stand to see anyone cry. I cry when people on tv cry I’m just like that. He says I’m a good person and I have a beautiful heart . He tells me I’m a angel and he’s a devil and now I kinda believe him even though I know his sexuality doesn’t make him a devil it’s the deceit that makes him evil and the manipulation...

 

Lost, he is a cheat, manipulator (telling you he will take his life), and a liar. You know who he is, it is time to walk. He is treating you like a fool.

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I just got out of a 10 year marriage and he was the 1st man I been with in 10 years other than my ex husband... my husband cheated he was verbally physically and mentally abusive this guy was kind loving and gentle at first. What is it about me that keeps attracting these men who just keep hurting me . What am I doing wrong.... so broken I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this. Being left for another woman is one thing but being left by your man for another man... there is no comeback for that

 

It is not who you are attracting, it is who you are attracted to. You are the common denominator. You need to walk when there is the first red flag, not stick around, and give them, chance after chance- you are doing it again with this guy. I strongly suggest that you be single for a long time, and consider therapy to properly heal from your marriage, or you will continue to choose creeps.

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All facts... nothing can fix this basically is what you’re saying. If I stay it just get worse pretty much 😭 me staying says to him he can do whatever to me and I’ll still be here

 

You need to address your self worth, and why you would even consider staying with someone like this (cheat, liar and manipulator). You have no one else to blame, if you stay.

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I knew I should’ve stayed single and let myself heal from the hurt from my marriage but I was so sad and lonely and I wanted somebody so bad. I felt like a loser because my marriage failed and the circumstances surrounding the way it ended was enough to send the average person to an early grave but I didn’t seek any help I just went for the temporary fix which was another relationship I didn’t want to let it burn I wanted an escape now I’m hurting worse than my husband ever hurt me this pain inside is worse than pain I can’t eat I can’t sleep I can’t stop crying I am going to seek some professional help

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I knew I should’ve stayed single and let myself heal from the hurt from my marriage but I was so sad and lonely and I wanted somebody so bad. I felt like a loser because my marriage failed and the circumstances surrounding the way it ended was enough to send the average person to an early grave but I didn’t seek any help I just went for the temporary fix which was another relationship I didn’t want to let it burn I wanted an escape now I’m hurting worse than my husband ever hurt me this pain inside is worse than pain I can’t eat I can’t sleep I can’t stop crying I am going to seek some professional help

 

If you are lonely, reconecting with female friends, volunteering to visit shut in seniors or meals on wheels, joining clubs, etc adopting a shelter cat, etc, are things you can do. Its when you no longer feel constantly lonely and feel comfortable with yourself - that's the time to start dating. Because then you will attract someone who is not lonely either, but WANTS to be with you vs is with you just to have someone who is willing to overlook red flags or to have a warm body

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I knew I should’ve stayed single and let myself heal from the hurt from my marriage but I was so sad and lonely and I wanted somebody so bad. I felt like a loser because my marriage failed and the circumstances surrounding the way it ended was enough to send the average person to an early grave but I didn’t seek any help I just went for the temporary fix which was another relationship I didn’t want to let it burn I wanted an escape now I’m hurting worse than my husband ever hurt me this pain inside is worse than pain I can’t eat I can’t sleep I can’t stop crying I am going to seek some professional help

 

Good for you! Once you are healthy, you will seek healthy. Please be single for at least a year.

 

Totally agree with the volunteering. Helped me a lot- focus was off of me- and I made some great friends. Also, with hanging with your friends and staying busy- do not talk about the ex. Look into hobbies/interests/Meet ups to keep yourself busy and expand your life. You need to learn to make yourself happy and not be so dependent on men.

 

Get rid of this clown- you cannot be friends. Block and delete him on everything. Get tested!!

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