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Thread: I found out my boy is bi sexual

  1. #31
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    I dont really know what my talents are I never discovered them. I love makeup but I dont have the time to do it for others although people are always asking me to do theirs for them

  2. #32
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lostaf123
    I wanted to leave but my heart broke to watch him crying like that so I stayed. He said he was going to kill himself but now looking back at it its probably because he thought I would tell people. I told him he should be proud of who he is and that Im proud of him no matter what but Im not proud of how I had to find out because it damn near killed me tbh... but to spare him his dignity I comforted him and I told him we didnt have to ever talk about it again and now I just have so many questions, you are right he never wouldve told me. He did me wrong for sure he is a habitual liar and every time I catch him he always use the water work trick to reel me back in. He knows I cant stand to see him cry, I cant stand to see anyone cry. I cry when people on tv cry Im just like that. He says Im a good person and I have a beautiful heart . He tells me Im a angel and hes a devil and now I kinda believe him even though I know his sexuality doesnt make him a devil its the deceit that makes him evil and the manipulation...
    But what you just wrote was all about poor him. He cries and you reward him.
    What about you? Someone needs to look out for you and he surely isn't.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    But what you just wrote was all about poor him. He cries and you reward him.
    What about you? Someone needs to look out for you and he surely isn't.
    yup. Google codependency. he is emotionally manipulative, but you feel responsible for the feelings of others....

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by lostaf123
    I dont have a social life AT ALL I work all the time. My interests are reading writing (journaling) and listening to music in my headphones while writing . Other than that Im pretty BORING probably to most guys
    Time to step it up. it seems to be a common theme on this site, when one has no social life outside of a partner, they tend to stay in crappy relationships. If you had more going on in your life, you would develop more confidence.

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  6. #35
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    Join a writing group or book club. Look into Meet ups.

    Do you enjoy the outdoors?

  7. #36
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Time to step it up. it seems to be a common theme on this site, when one has no social life outside of a partner, they tend to stay in crappy relationships. If you had more going on in your life, you would develop more confidence.
    I like the saying `When you are starving, you'll eat just about anything'
    You've heard before that you shouldn't go the super market when you are hungry, right?
    So get busy with your life, make it full and rich. You'll value yourself and your time and you won't settle for inappropriate partners.

  8. #37
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    People treating you badly isn't your fault.

    You just need to learn to see your own value so that you aren't so easily swayed by those who would tell you what you want to hear - or tell you what you fear is true which can also cause attachment.

    You need to find yourself. You are not going to find that in a man. You won't be in a position to find a good man until you handle the self love part. What is your job that you don't have time for anything else? Can you perhaps carve out an hour or two a week that is just for you? Maybe to take a class or join a club?

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by lostaf123

    I laid on the bathroom floor crying and screaming for hours then I panicked and I started thinking about whether I had hiv or aids. Thoughts just started coming from everywhere I wanted to throw up 🤢 but all I could do was gag nothing would come up he pryed his way into the bathroom where I was at on the floor and started trying to talk to me and trying to comfort me.
    I agree with everyone else, having the capacity to become attracted to women and men is not the issue, his cheating and lying is! The outright deception, his bisexuality is actually irrelevant. And Holly is right HIV is more prevalent among heteros now.

    That said, there is something else I'd like to address, something that hasn't yet been addressed.

    I understand that discovering something like this is unsettling and traumatic, and we all handle things differently, but sweetie you really need to learn how to manage your emotions better -- crying and screaming on the floor for hours is just not a healthy reaction imo, and suggests some emotional instability on your part.

    Is this reaction typical for you upon learning things that are upsetting and hurtful to you? And is it your boyfriend's typical practice to comfort you?

    I am not judging I promise, I've reacted pretty dramatically myself at times, not anywhere near to the level you reacted; nothing positive ever came of it, in fact the opposite, it exacerbated my emotional instability and I ended up having a breakdown.

    Since then I have learned how to manage my emotions in a more healthy way, and I (AND my boyfriends) are the better for it.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-30-2019 at 05:04 PM.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I agree with everyone else, having the capacity to become attracted to women and men is not the issue, his cheating and lying is! The outright deception, his bisexuality is actually irrelevant. And Holly is right HIV is more prevalent among heteros now.

    That said, there is something else I'd like to address, something that hasn't yet been addressed.

    I understand that discovering something like this is unsettling and traumatic, and we all handle things differently, but sweetie you really need to learn how to manage your emotions better -- crying and screaming on the floor for hours is just not a healthy reaction imo, and suggests some emotional instability on your part.

    Is this reaction typical for you upon learning things that are upsetting and hurtful to you? And is it your boyfriend's typical practice to comfort you?

    I am not judging I promise, I've reacted pretty dramatically myself at times, not anywhere near to the level you reacted; nothing positive ever came of it, in fact the opposite, it exacerbated my emotional instability and I ended up having a breakdown.

    Since then I have learned how to manage my emotions in a more healthy way, and I (AND my boyfriends) are the better for it.
    I missed that. That is definitely not a healthy reaction.

  11. #40
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    I dont have anyone I can open up to about this because I dont have any gay or bi friends... even if I did I wouldnt feel comfortable opening up to someone about something so personal. Then I couldnt bare to humiliate him by letting people know hes bi especially when hes scared to death of people finding out which is why I havent spoken a word to anyone about it and not having anyone to talk to makes me stay with him because he is the only person in the world who knows how Im feeling and what Im going through

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