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Thread: fear of wasted youth

  1. #1
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    fear of wasted youth

    There are many things I'm too afraid to do (e.g. asking a crush out, etc.) and many things I can't do due to stress from school. This makes me scared that I'm wasting my youth, and that ten years later, I'll look back on these high school years and wish I had done all these things while I could. Any tips to preventing a wasted youth? (I've heard "live in the moment" and things like that, but how do I do it, specifically?)

  2. #2
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    What I would do is keep your future goals and also live for the moment. They can coexist. I am so so thankful that I got the grades I did in high school, college, grad school. What I would do is give yourself one action outside of your comfort zone -that is not dangerous -meaning nothing to do with drugs or alcohol, etc. - per week or month and make it your goal to get over your fear and do that thing. That is how you do it. I do that now in my 50s.

  3. #3
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    Back in the day, occasionally I would see someone I really felt was my type, sometimes in a perfect context for me to approach them, sometimes just out on the street. I felt socially constrained to 'not bother strangers', as we all are, and ended up losing opportunities to intersect with someone who may have really liked me just because we're raised this way. I realize this is an extreme comfort-zone breakage, so it's not the perfect example, but bear with me. The way I thought of it when I finally did it (and made a friend in the process) was this: What do I have to lose? Either I don't do it and my life will never intersect with that person's life, or I do it. At that point, if they're put off by it and don't want to interact, I get an uncomfortable moment that lasts for a few minutes and then I never see them again, which means I literally have not lost anything, since I would have probably not met them in a different context anyway (and if I do in the future, I doubt it will even be a problem if they remember this happened years ago). If they like it, I gain an acquaintance, an opportunity for our futures to intersect, to be part of each other's lives and see what happens. If nothing interesting happens, at least I have a cool story to tell others about that one time I said hello to a stranger and, just like that, met someone.

    A similar principle is what I apply to generally anything that puts me greatly out of my comfort zone. What do you have to lose? A bit of time? Temporary discomfort? You have so much to potentially gain though.
    Even the fear of wasting your time and of future regret is enough motivation to go do whatever it is you're fearing. Life's amazing in the sense that years from now, everything could be different if you do this one thing now. If you don't, you'll never know, and you most definitely will regret having missed out on.. well.. something that instead could have happened in your life. When you're faced with a situation that you wish you were brave enough to do, you force yourself. Things that you can tell yourself are 'what's the worst that can happen?', 'will I regret not having done this?', 'do I wish I'd do it?'. This is basically it - if you wish you were doing it, make it so. You most definitely will regret not doing most of them, and that regret does not even compare to the regret you might feel when what you did has a bad outcome, because in this case you have no idea the good things it may bring in your life, you can only imagine what you missed out on.

    That was all regarding the fear. When it comes to the stress from school, I agree with Batya - the two can coexist. Just don't let school overwhelm you and take over your life; despite what you may be hearing, it's not the most important thing in your life. It sure is important and worth properly taking care of, just not that critical that the stress wouldn't let you do much else.

    Please let me know if you have more questions or need more elaboration on the topic of fear of exiting the comfort zone. I would love to help you through this! I'm very passionate about the topic of breaking involuntary self-imposed limits on one's life experiences. :) Best of luck! You've got this ♥

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get involved in your own life. have friends. Join clubs, groups, sports and organizations that interest you. Make friends. You don't need courage to be friendly make friends especially when you have things in common like an after school sport or group or club. Decide what things interest you and do that.

    Stop living in your head. Stop daydreaming. Stop fretting about your weight or worrying about a crush, etc. If you feel paralyzed with anxiety ask your parents to take you to a doctor for a checkup and a therapist to sort some of this angst out. Do your parents stress you our t and push you too much to be perfect in terms of grades, weight, etc?
    Originally Posted by yun
    There are many things I'm too afraid to do and many things I can't do due to stress from school.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You live in the moment by not focusing on what you don't have. You become grateful and start counting your blessings. Be sincerely thankful.

    Try not to think you're wasting your youth. I was you long ago. I never dated, never had a boyfriend, never went to prom and was this way throughout high school AND college. However, I kept my nose to the grindstone as they say, concentrated on my own successful visions for my future, studied hard, graduated, attained a plum job and guess what? So what if I was late to the party. I eventually caught up with other winners who were doing the same thing I was.

    My MIL (mother-in-law) has this old country saying. It goes like this: "While everyone was busy sloshing around in the milk, the CREAM rose to the top!" This means while everyone was busy fooling around, not getting serious about life, wasting time, not working hard, not having serious goals in life such as education and career, those who concentrated on what was important rose to the top eventually. They're the ones who enjoy the good life today all from the sweat of their brow.

    A lot of people are late bloomers. I consider my husband I late bloomers. We did not party hearty during our youth. The funny thing is that when you "arrive" one day with success in your own right, suddenly those around you who've gravitated towards you are in the same boat. They've done the same thing on their own. This is the time when you meet people who are successful, prospered and on their way to a good, normal, happy life. My mother said, "Good things happen to those who work hard and wait." Patience is key.

    Focus on yourself and when you ascend in your own way, you'll be pushing through an open door including socially.

    Concentrate on yourself, do self improvement with studying, hard work, take good care of your health, be immersed in your own interests and hobbies. Then you will meet those who have a lot in common with you and can relate. You'll have that automatic draw without even trying.

    Just as I've told my sons, there is nothing more attractive in a person whether male or female than SELF CONFIDENCE.

  7. #6
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    I agree with Cherylyn, to some extent. Partying your youth away is definitely not what would cure the feeling you have, nor is it a good idea, but please try to remember to also have fun. Just don't try to have fun in the ways other dictate, cause it's 'what's done at your age'. Ultimately, what matters is that you get enough courage to do what you really want to. :)

  8. #7
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    I messed up. I let the loneliness get to me. I had straight As in highschool till senior year when my gritted teeth couldn't handle watching everyone else so happy with each other. I drank and smoked with some rich single child kids and found myself doing what I never should have done in my life, sitting in the back of a car full of disrespectful kids hitting the town.

    Well at least I saw what was on the other side. It would have killed me to not see it. But it was the equivalent of what I was used to not better. The only difference was that I hadn't been spending my whole life doing it and therefore wasn't prepared to defend myself when the kid with an abusive father told me he was going to rip my head off for no apparent reason. The kid with seven sisters told me I was retarded. The crack baby kid just let it happen and laughed. And the "rich " let her self get chased down with no sense of standard.

    Mind you we were all in a very expensive Catholic high school where the priest was a standing joke.

    As time went on I started watching pornography. Again watching what I didn't have. Did every drug. Let my unharnessed compassion and loneliness drain myself of all resources hanging out with more disrespectful impoverished people.

    I wasn't fed up till I got out of jail for the first time.

    Disrespectful people are poor because they are and choose to be disrespectful. They are the ones that celebrities sing songs about. They are the antiestablishmentarianists and bleeding hearts. They are vampires without the ability to understand and go without eating, sleeping, and dying.

    Looking back on the last 15 years, I wish I had a college degree and moved to a small town. I wish I could support a family with an intelligent woman and kids.

    All I can do now is point the other direction, while I dive back into the deep with a firey sword and try to cut relentless web strings from maybe 2 or 3 of the shallow damned.

    Heroic right? Id trade it for $1 million I would have earned by now at a $22/hr career.

  9. #8
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    For anyone who reads the post above, just be informed that these two extremes are not the only options :).


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