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Thread: Do I have a chance at getting my ex girlfriend back?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2019
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    Do I have a chance at getting my ex girlfriend back?

    My ex girlfriend and I met August 2018 when she began working at the same restaurant as me. We began to hang out casually and I actually didn’t have any feelings for her, but she was head over heels for me. We eventually began to date at the end of November 2018 and we both fell very hard for each other quickly. The connection was unreal; we both dated and experienced “love” before but both agreed this was something incredibly special.

    The good in our relationship outweighed the hard times; this I am certain of. However, she responded with panic if a hard time came around, as she generally believed “true love” should not involve any arguments. A few weeks before the breakup, she began to withdraw a bit and I became pretty needy and insecure. I definitely made her feel smothered at times. A few days before the breakup, she told me she always thinks about our future and called me her life partner. But, the night after attending my final track meet, she decided she was too unhappy and ended our relationship. This was a day before our 5 month anniversary. I was unbelievably devastated. After all of the intense, genuine love, I was shocked over how it was over. The next day at school she passed me in the hallway, but rushed straight ahead and kept her eyes forward. I tried to find her to talk things over, but she avoided me. I called her in the afternoon and she was extremely upset with me, saying she will not go back to a relationship with me. I lost it and cried, thanking her for everything and we ended by saying I love you.

    True no contact was nearly impossible, as we had two classes together on B Day of the two day A-B rotation. Her behavior changed drastically; the somewhat introverted girl I knew was bouncing all over the place and talking to everyone in sight, even those she told me she disliked. We continued to ignore each other, but she would crack sometimes. During a silent Spanish exam, I made eye contact with her and she looked crushed. Another day, I was feeling good and exiting school with my buddies talking happily; my ex made a point to walk speedily in front of us and slam through the exit door; I didn’t even know she was behind us. She gave me a breadcrumb over Snapchat in which she replied to my story saying that I “looked very nice.” I didn’t answer for about an hour, but I replied “thank you.” I am not exaggerating when I say that she replied “yw” (you’re welcome) within 10 seconds of me responding. I left it at that. We made contact on May 3rd of 2019 (10 days after breakup) because I needed a college shirt back from her for an event at my upcoming university the following week. She ended by saying “I love you” in almost a mocking way. I asked why that’s still said, and she said “well I still care about you.” I was frustrated but I answered with “okay” sounding confused, then she quickly ended the call by saying “goodbye” in a soft, almost mellow tone. After that, the true no contact began (unless you count the few times we were forced to stay in the same room for a class). No direct contact has been made for about three weeks since then.

    Her social media activity has been weird. Neither of us blocked each other, let alone even unfollowed. The first two weeks, she was posting Snapchat stories at an absurd rate, lots of “I’m doing great” and unnecessary baiting for me to react. This was when I realized I had to mute all of her posts. Her Snapchat score shot up astronomically and she barely used it pre-breakup; increase of about 3000 within a month. Ive stayed conservative with my social media use, and haven’t posted anything breakup related. Posted a story about my gym transformation because I was genuinely proud of it and she viewed it. In fact, she’s viewed all of my stories while I’ve completely ignored hers. She posted a photo on Instagram that she took while we were dating and captioned it “a dream you just can’t quit chasing.” Obviously it was referring to me being needy before, and I found it arrogant to publicly post that, so I didn’t like it. A week later, the post is removed. Forgot to mention she removed all of the pics of me within a few days. This is where it gets weird. She posts another photo (essentially a body shot) with an Ariana Grande lyric caption (“boy i invented you” “running from your issues” blah blah) so of course I didn’t like it. Then she takes down every single post that wasn’t even related to me that she put up during our time together. Made no sense because one was a feminist “women are strong and I’m proud to be a woman” post, and that is a fundamental value of hers. Made no sense to take it down. I stumbled across a post of someone we both follow of her boyfriend graduating (the person who posted it is one of my ex’s fake friends that she hangs with on and off). There were several comments of congratulations, but my ex posts a comment that says “ew a wholesome couple” with a puking emoji. Funny enough every other comment was liked and replied to by the poster but my ex’s was completely ignored, almost shunned. I posted about my graduation with a very neutral caption of thanks to everyone, and she liked my post within an hour but didn’t reach out to congratulate me. I don’t overanalyze social media, but she’s clearly trying to one-up me in certain aspects. Shooting up her Snapchat score to be higher. We actually have the same follower count on insta, and I’ve been becoming popular at our school so I gain them organically. Every time I gain one, I check her page out of curiosity to find she’s followed like 10 new people to gain more followers than me. Like I said, I don’t overanalyze, but it seems like she’s trying to one up me to make herself feel better. Her snap score has actually plateaued for a few days. She’s stopped posting stories altogether. My buddy also told me she’s been talking a lot to a kid that resembles me exactly: very tall, long dark hair, except I’m muscular (not bragging) and he’s a stick. I’ve never had self esteem issues, and everyone I’ve talked to agrees that this kid is nowhere near my status or connection with her. I think she’s doing it out of spite, and that her weird social media activity is to draw a reaction from me. We have mutual friends, and to this day they tell me she’s completely out of character. Btw, I only check her social media because it doesn’t hurt to look at.

    Her activity appears as if she’s trying to convince herself and everyone that she’s already over me. I actually tried an experiment; I went to our Snapchat chats and went through the saved stuff. I unsaved a meaningless message (this was about a week after our breakup). I knew she’d search to see which one, and the saved chats were all extremely dedicated and loving texts about spending our lives together or extremely sexual. I expected her to begin unsaving them, but she didn’t. She also has all of our pics up on her spam account. I’ve been in no contact for about three weeks. Given my explanation (I know it’s long, sorry) what should I do and what does my situation look like from the outside? Any hope of reconciliation? I’m moving in to college August 20th, and during the relationship she was adamant on dating me all through college. Will this make her fear losing me for good? She’s got one more year of high school. I gave her my all from the start; went out of my way to do everything to make her happier, laid aside my own work temporarily to stay up helping with hers until 2am, and of course the usual filling of needs. She said the reason we broke up is because I apparently “talked like she was below me” which is a gross over exaggeration of me being somewhat upset two times. I never said anything to make her feel below me. Should I continue no contact until she reaches out? She’s been thoroughly distracting herself and suppressing her emotions, and I feel she might run out of steam soon. What should I do/any advice?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    She's not interested in being in a serious relationship right now, or she's just not that into you. A woman who really cares, never lets you go, not even once, unless there are dealbreakers which is sounds like there weren't any.

    Delete her from your social media. It's preventing you from closure. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. She so easily dumped you once. She'll do it again. Best to risk your heart on someone new, especially as she played with you like a cat batting around a toy, telling you she loved you after the breakup, not caring how that would likely send you the wrong message and boost her ego at your expense. And you want to be with someone so cruel? Love yourself enough to want better for yourself.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I know it seems like the end of the world, but you will get past this breakup. You're young and really don't want to do the long-distance relationship your first year of college (take it from someone who made that mistake). It also sounds like she has a very immature and unrealistic view of how relationships function.

    You had a good run but now it's time to let it go. It won't be easy, but you won't start healing until you convince yourself that moving forward is the right move.

  4. #4
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    Before I comment further, can I ask how old both of you are?

    I am gathering you're still in high school, as you made a reference to your "upcoming university." Can you clarify?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    It seems that you do overanalyze and you read way too much into online actions. You may not feel like crying when you check her accounts, but it is doing harm. Constantly checking on her leads to most likely, false assumptions and then you build on them, I'm sure you can imagine how bad that is. You're basically projecting your feelings on her actions. That said, it does seem like you're the one trying to one-up her and not the other way around, which actually fits with her telling you that you speak as she is below you.

    Just some things to think about. I obviously don't know you, but honestly, stop the checking, this is indeed someone that's now helping you move forward.


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