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Thread: Is a break up necessary?

  1. #1

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    Is a break up necessary?

    so i kind of posted about this before but wanted some new incite.

    had an issue with my girlfriend of one and a half years. we love each other and don't argue often in every day life, had a trust issue after 7 months where i didn't tell her there were girls at my friends house where i was playing poker. i left the party to talk to her and we worked on it for the next few months and it was kind of resolved.

    the other time we had a fight was when i told her to because she was ranting about me for some stupid reason, we were outside and she decided to walk in the opposit direction as me which i tried to stop her by standing infront of her and telling her that if she walked away i wouldn't follow. so i went home and there was alot of texting where i said if u want to talk to me then come to my house, she waited somewhere near my house and said that she was there and i said that she walked away from me so she could walk back to me. she sent me a text saying we were over in a really pissed off way, swearing and stuff, so i refused to keep talking to her or replying to messages saying i will only talk to her in person.
    one week later after not talking and her saying by text that we were over and she asks to meet near her house in some cafe which we do, long story short we get back together when i say yes i could have come but was acting a little prideful and she shouldn't have walked away.

    Cut forward 4/5 months and this happens:
    after she finished uni one day i was making dinner for her and she was cutting vegetables by holding them in one hand and using the knife with the other even though there was a chopping board right in front of her, i told her to use the board, and i kind of insisted that she cut them the way i wanted. she then said so i just won't do it or something and went to the bedroom.

    anyway i was annoyed that she left the kitchen to just go lay down and later once i finished cooking it came up and i said it was my house and my rules because honestly it was a stupid argument, and had just got off a 36 hour shift. so she was pissed i said it was my house and my rules and after that she didn't eat the food, i ate a bit and then just packed it away. after which she said she was going to get change and go home to do her work. i didn't argue. and came and said i would pack the food for her to take with her.

    then it came time when she was near the front door so i stood up and opened the door for her to leave. and right at that moment i knew she was going to say something and leave, so as she started her sentence i told her not to say a sentence that would provoke me and then leave. i told her to either leave or stay and talk about it. was it wrong of me to give her the choice to leave or stay i dunno but..
    i opened the door and she kind of argued with me but at the same time walked out the door then stood outside my door and argued a bit more. i was kind of blocking her way back in because i was too tired to deal with the problem, and i don't control my anger that much when tired and hungry.

    eventually she left and i slammed the door behind her, like 10 second later she came back though and it ended with me giving up and saying she was right about everything, and i shouldn't have let her go and her telling me i'm not a keeper. now we just text about it and she is telling me the same stuff and i'm left trying to piece things back. its been a week since that argument and we haven't seen each other but text everyday. we're at that point where we (and when i say we i mean she) is deciding whether we should be together anymore because i keep letting her walk away.

    this is the third time this walking away thing has happened actually, but the second time i just resolved it by not letting her leave my house till we solved the problem, i think by just saying sorry for watever it was.

    honestly we don't argue that much, but when we do its starts with something really petty and ends with us questioning whether we should be together. she is 22 and never been in a serious relationship before and did all her firsts with me, so i feel alot more worried when i see that i've hurt her feelings, especially because i know i'm not the type of person to play games and chasing someone feels kind of silly to me, thats why i don't follow her not because she isn't important to me.

    i want to stay with her but don't want to be with someone who thinks its my job to stop them walking away. didn't really ask a direct question, just looking for other peoples incite really

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Get the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus." Take turns reading chapters aloud to each other. Then practice what you've learned. When a couple cares, they work on issues together to improve their relationship. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    I wish I knew more about how your love generally is. It sounds to me like you guys don't care so much about keeping each other, like you would both rather be right/win than not have a fight. What's important between two people who love each other and still want to be together is to not be aggressive and start a tense moment when possible, rather than things being one way or another. The subject of the arguments, as you said, is normally a really petty and ultimately unimportant thing. I don't understand why you both allow yourselves and each other to escalate things so much when what really matters is to be fine, to not be fighting. If something can be talked about, it should be talked about, and you both need to learn when something is less important than what you have together. That being said, the walking away thing shouldn't even be a thing unless the situation really makes one feel so horrible they can't stand being there another second.

    When you feel too tired to properly navigate an annoyance or another type of tense situation, just think of the implications (something you should both do regardless of how you feel). First of all, is the subject really worth it? Who gives a dime about which way she cuts vegetables? Is it something you would lose her over? If not, then remind yourself of this. If, however, it's already gotten to the point where an argument has started, try and focus on ending the argument and both of you getting calmer before continuing to talk about it. There's no need for stuff to get dramatic if that can be avoided.

    The only way I would suggest this is beyond fixing is if you guys really just don't get along on most anything and are more tense than you are content with each other. After you try focusing on not letting stuff get more intense than they deserve to, talking about it calmly and clearly stating why something bothers one or the other, and generally not getting overwhelmed by your egos, if things are still not looking up or you find that one of you is just too impulsive about these things that they won't listen to reason, only then will it be time to consider ending it for good. Best of luck! ♥

  4. #4
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    i kind of insisted that she cut them the way i wanted. she then said so i just won't do it or something and went to the bedroom.

    anyway i was annoyed that she left the kitchen to just go lay down and later once i finished cooking it came up and i said it was my house and my rules because honestly it was a stupid argument, and had just got off a 36 hour shift. so she was pissed i said it was my house and my rules
    Sheesh really OP? "My house my rules" and getting pissed because she won't cut vegetables the way you want? You are absolutely right that is a pretty stupid argument. There is definitely a theme of you trying to control what she does throughout your post, and as someone that was in a long term relationship with someone like this I can tell you it gets old pretty fast.

    Also this:

    i don't control my anger that much when tired and hungry.
    is very concerning. You are basically saying that you allow yourself to get to a point in your emotional well-being that you lose control over your anger. Not a good behavior for a solid and happy relationship.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you are arguing a lot and you are already thinking of breaking up, it may be time to do so.


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