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Thread: Worried Boyfriend Might Have Fertility Issues.

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Bunney's Avatar
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    Worried Boyfriend Might Have Fertility Issues.

    My bf is 33, we have been together close to 3 years now & have recently decided that we are going to start trying for a baby in September this year.

    I wanted to know your thoughts on a couple things & if you think I have reason to be concerned.

    - Bf has never had a high sex drive, 95% of the time I am the one initiating it, he is happy to have sex when we do so its not that he doesnt enjoy it. He also doesnt masturbate (we talk openly about these things and I know he is honest) because he prefers sex. Can easily go 7-10 days without any sort of release
    - NEVER wakes up with "morning wood"
    - Sometimes when we get hot and heavy with eachother and about to have sex, he will take quite a while to get hard. Sometimes I can be giving him a BJ & he will still not get hard. This doesnt happen all of the time (he tends to get hard way more quickly when we have not had sex in 5-8 days).
    - 98% of the time he does eventually get hard & we proceed to have sex without any issues, but oftentimes he will only get REALLY hard once he is inside of me. I have rarely seen him with a VERY strong erection before entering me, most of the time it is "medium" hard
    - the remaining 2%, luckily doesnt happen often, he will lose his erection at some point or just really not get hard at ALL no matter what

    After doing a lot of online research I found this is most likely linked to low testosterone, which in turn is linked to a low sperm count... And since I am wanting to conceive more than anything in the world this year, naturally I am worried we will be facing issues.

    If anyone has some advice, experience in this subject or can ease my mind a little please let me hear it.

    Also, yes, I do want him to get checked by a doctor. Thing is that he is going through a really stressful period right now because he was just promoted to supervisor on Monday & there are many issues at work. Therefore, I cannot really add to that stress right now by suggesting he might have sperm issues & to get checked.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bunney
    My bf is 33, we have been together close to 3 years now & have recently decided that we are going to start trying for a baby in September this year.

    I wanted to know your thoughts on a couple things & if you think I have reason to be concerned.

    - Bf has never had a high sex drive, 95% of the time I am the one initiating it, he is happy to have sex when we do so its not that he doesnt enjoy it. He also doesnt masturbate (we talk openly about these things and I know he is honest) because he prefers sex. Can easily go 7-10 days without any sort of release
    - NEVER wakes up with "morning wood"
    - Sometimes when we get hot and heavy with eachother and about to have sex, he will take quite a while to get hard. Sometimes I can be giving him a BJ & he will still not get hard. This doesnt happen all of the time (he tends to get hard way more quickly when we have not had sex in 5-8 days).
    - 98% of the time he does eventually get hard & we proceed to have sex without any issues, but oftentimes he will only get REALLY hard once he is inside of me. I have rarely seen him with a VERY strong erection before entering me, most of the time it is "medium" hard
    - the remaining 2%, luckily doesnt happen often, he will lose his erection at some point or just really not get hard at ALL no matter what

    After doing a lot of online research I found this is most likely linked to low testosterone, which in turn is linked to a low sperm count... And since I am wanting to conceive more than anything in the world this year, naturally I am worried we will be facing issues.

    If anyone has some advice, experience in this subject or can ease my mind a little please let me hear it.

    Also, yes, I do want him to get checked by a doctor. Thing is that he is going through a really stressful period right now because he was just promoted to supervisor on Monday & there are many issues at work. Therefore, I cannot really add to that stress right now by suggesting he might have sperm issues & to get checked.
    Then I'd wait.

    Normally, I'd say it is what it is in terms of his sex drive and performance. But if you two are actively trying for a baby and this is complicating it, I think it's worth approaching even if just from an efficiency standpoint. Just a bad time to go about it. I'd let him settle in and then have a conversation on how you two can make the family planning work.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
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    I think you are jumping the gun. There is really no evidence you will have fertility problems. Fertility ďwork upsĒ are not recommended or typically performed unless you have been trying to get pregnant for at least six months and more commonly 1 year. Certainly if youíre unhappy with your sex life, you can address that, but to assume infertility is a big leap.

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    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    I agree with sophie. Just because he has a difficult time getting erect does not mean he has poor sperm quality. On average, it takes healthy couples 12 months of actively trying to get pregnant without success to be considered to have low fertility. Most specialists wonít even see you before then unless thereís some sort of pre-disposed issue.

    I know itís discouraging when it doesnít happen right away. Believe me, it took us three years of trying and we pretty much believed it would never happen, but it did. Donít stress, just pay attention to your cycles and it will happen. If after a year youíve had no luck, then start investigating.

    Good luck on your baby journey!!

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    If after trying for that period of time you're having issues suggest that you both get a work up -that way it won't seem like it's all on him.

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    Tell him to cut out:
    1) Pot
    2) Booze
    3) Soda
    4) Cigarettes

    And take supplements:
    Gingko Biloba to increase oxygen levels

    Have sex two or three days before your ovulation date, on your date, and 2 to three days after your ovulation date. Girl and Boy sperm are different. And fresh sperm is very good!!

    Not having daily morning wood at 33 is an issue. But that may not tie into low sperm counts. Getting your sperm checked takes just putting your donation into a cup...not long as all. Go with him to get him stimulated.

    If you are in your 30's, very normal to take up to a year to get prego.

    And also, for you, cut out all the above to, and make sure your BMI is in check. Also, start folic acid now.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You weren't planning to try to conceive until September, so it's not as though you've given nature a chance yet, correct? Why spin over a problem prematurely when you don't know if it exists?

    If you've been on the pill, YOUR system may need time to ramp up to operating naturally. I'd address that, first, then see how conception goes.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I did not get pregnant for 9 years . We were not preventing but not actively trying. Turns out it was me with fertility issues . My husband never had a super high drive didnít make him infertile.

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    Fertility has nothing to do with sexual desire. He can have a very high sperm count and just not want to have sex.

    I think that you need to slow your roll and not try for a baby. Why not decide if this guy is the one you will marry before just "let's try for a baby." Does this relationship satisfy you? What happens when a baby is born? Who has custody? Will you both work oppposite schedules so you can care for the baby? Its not just something to do just because.

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    Platinum Member Bunney's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by indea08

    Good luck on your baby journey!!
    Thank you!! :) I am beyond excited to start that new journey in our life! Baby fever has been driving me crazy these past years haha.

    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    You weren't planning to try to conceive until September, so it's not as though you've given nature a chance yet, correct? Why spin over a problem prematurely when you don't know if it exists?

    If you've been on the pill, YOUR system may need time to ramp up to operating naturally. I'd address that, first, then see how conception goes.
    I was hoping someone could ease my mind is all, and to get any advice I may not have heard/thought of before. I do think that I valid reason to be concerned, but yes, of course I wont know for sure until we start trying or get him checked...

    Have not been on the pill in about 5 years now, nor any other type of birth control except for condoms during my ovulation period.


    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    Tell him to cut out:
    1) Pot
    2) Booze
    3) Soda
    4) Cigarettes

    And take supplements:
    Gingko Biloba to increase oxygen levels

    Have sex two or three days before your ovulation date, on your date, and 2 to three days after your ovulation date. Girl and Boy sperm are different. And fresh sperm is very good!!

    Not having daily morning wood at 33 is an issue. But that may not tie into low sperm counts. Getting your sperm checked takes just putting your donation into a cup...not long as all. Go with him to get him stimulated.

    If you are in your 30's, very normal to take up to a year to get prego.

    And also, for you, cut out all the above to, and make sure your BMI is in check. Also, start folic acid now.
    I already take folic acid and both my boyfriend and I live a very healthy lifestyle: neither one of us smokes, drinks much, consumes soda (water all the way). We also hit the gym several times a week & eat a healthy diet.

    Thank you for your tips & your advice regarding the morning wood and sperm count. I did read up on lack of morning wood and every site I checked, every video I watched, said that it points to a health issue/potential health issue of some sort. I did talk to him a little about it yesterday and he said he would not mind getting his testosterone etc. checked out.

    I am 27 BTW :)

    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I did not get pregnant for 9 years . We were not preventing but not actively trying. Turns out it was me with fertility issues . My husband never had a super high drive didnít make him infertile.
    Sorry to hear that it took 9 years... I cannot even begine to imagine. I do know that I am fertile though, as I have gotten pregnant many years ago, way before I met my bf (however did not go through with the pregnancy for several reasons).

    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Fertility has nothing to do with sexual desire. He can have a very high sperm count and just not want to have sex.

    I think that you need to slow your roll and not try for a baby. Why not decide if this guy is the one you will marry before just "let's try for a baby." Does this relationship satisfy you? What happens when a baby is born? Who has custody? Will you both work oppposite schedules so you can care for the baby? Its not just something to do just because.
    I agree that the lack of sex drive in of itself probably does not indicate poor sperm quality/motility/etc. but combined with everything else it does really seem like a testosterone problem (which can result in infertility) to me. Hence my wanting to post here to hear others thoughts & if maybe someone had the same issue with their bf/husband but everything turned out fine

    I appreciate your input, but I dont really see why you would suggest waiting and reconsidering everything; the decision to start a family was not made impulsively or without thought. I have been wanting to be a mother for quite a while now, and we had talked about it a few times in the past but we always knew the timing was not "right" yet (not that it ever can be 100% right).

    However at this point in my life, I have never been better physically and emotionally and I finally feel mentally ready for this step. So after talking about it at length in the beginning of April, we agreed that we are both ready for parenthood & that September will be a good month to start the process.

    To answer your other questions; I knew from the start that he is the one I will marry, our relationship is rock solid, very loving & close and does satisfy me (luckily I dont have the highest sex drive in the world either), and we work the same schedule (which is not goign to change) so we are really lucky in that regard.

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