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Thread: Just want an outside opinion on this friend situation

  1. #11
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rihannon
    I will try to talk to him. I guess I feel so injured especially because I didn't mean to drink too much. I think I must have been already dehydrated or something, or maybe the drinks were much stronger than I expected. Maybe my tolerance was down. It's true that I didn't each much at the reception.
    OP you are blaming everything and everybody but the body that actually consumed the alcohol.

    Yea I mean your friend was being a gossip in telling everyone what happened but itís not like he was lying... and thatís the risk you run when you choose to have more than a couple of drinks at a time and end up making a fool out of yourself.

    My guess is that you werenít paying attention to what you were consuming vs it being all those other factors.

  2. #12
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    I am concerned that your drinks were spiked perhaps?? But I am surprised that you drank more than one drink/very socially at a function with coworkers there -even though it was a non-work event. And how did you get back to the hotel if you were supposed to drive/why did you drink if you knew you were going to have to drive (maybe you didn't).

    I think that your coworkers should find your colleague spreading this kind of gossip really ridiculous -I wouldn't want to hear about it or if I was there for the story I'd unhear it. I remember many years ago working on a weekend and a coworker who likely was bullimic got sick in the ladies room -huge mess. I walked in to use the restroom. She looked panicked "please do not mention to anyone that I got sick." Of course I didn't -why would I? Why would he? Sounds like he was retaliating for what he felt was your lack of appreciation for him taking care of you after the wedding.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately your husband doesn't sound supportive and seems to enjoy blaming the whole mess on you.
    Originally Posted by Rihannon
    my husband said that this coworker had to put up with me being drunk and passed out, and that he got me safely back to the hotel so I may even in fact owe him a favor.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I always like to pick the perspective that makes it easiest for me to move forward with less stress on my own stomach lining. Deciding that coworker is now an adversary would NOT be that. I'd rather adopt husband's POV and thank the coworker for getting me to the room safely, and I'd recognize that whatever fun he's had with the gossip will quickly pass--nobody cares about that stuff.

    I'd also make it a point to never walk away from my drink in public. Gone are the days when we can leave drinks on a table or a bar to hit the dance floor and then return to sip it. Someone may have drugged your drink, and you're lucky to be here today without having been robbed or overdosed.

    I'm sorry that this happened to you, and I hope you'll opt to see the safe outcome of the experience as worth the price you've paid for a room you would have had to pay for on your own anyway.

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  6. #15
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    Late yesterday afternoon I asked my coworker if we could take a walk together. I formally apologized for making him put up with me being a hot mess, and thanked him again for taking care of me at the wedding. It turns out, I had apologized and thanked him that morning after, but it was not so heartfelt then, since I was also just waking up like "duh wha happen me?" I explained that I never meant to even get drunk much less...all that.

    He was nice about it and he explained that he was also really, really drunk as well, actually said he meant to get drunk. (The hotel was walking distance to the reception so drunk driving was never an issue that night). He said it was no big deal. I didn't say anything to him about his hotel refund, or about the gossiping.

    People at work have made some little jokes and comments and I just laugh it off and try to say something like "do I know how to party or what? Ha ha" so hopefully it will get to be old news. This coworker gossips about everybody so hopefully his gossiping about me says more about him than it does about me.

    And it wasn't a work function, it was a friend's wedding. There were about three or four people there I knew from work but not people I work closely with on a daily basis. My work is pretty independent of them. So I don't think it impedes our work together, them knowing I am fallible.

    I have wondered if my drink was spiked, like a roofie or something. That was the first thing I thought when I woke up, TBH. But I can't imagine who or when or why that would have happened. And nothing happened to me so, if that did happen then I'm OK so, close call I guess.

  7. #16
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    I just laughed it off and tried to say something like "do I know how to party or what? Ha ha"

    That's a good way to diffuse it.

    And you know, it wasn't a work function, it was a friend's wedding. T

    It really does not matter. People from work were there. If a teacher is at a wedding that is not a work function and a couple of her student's parents are there, if she makes a pass at someone underaged or says things that are offensive to the main ethnicity of her students, even if she is not at school and its caught on camera, she will pay for it at her place of business and suffer the consequences from parents/coworkers. your conduct in public or wherever carries to other parts of your life.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I think you need to let it go. It's in the past. Just remain professional, polite, respectful, cordial, respectful and well mannered at the work place. You can't do anything about your co-worker's loose lips. All you can do is to prove you are a good person with your good, exemplary behavior. Let your coworkers be the judge of that by you just being a good, very decent person. Carry yourself with poise and aplomb and you will be fine.

    When you can have a private 1:1 moment with the guy gay co-worker, thank him nicely for helping you when you were drunk. Be sincere and kind. He will appreciate your sincerity and humble attitude. Take care of this, get it over and done with so both of you can move forward in a mentally healthy way.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rihannon
    Late yesterday afternoon I asked my coworker if we could take a walk together. I formally apologized for making him put up with me being a hot mess, and thanked him again for taking care of me at the wedding. It turns out, I had apologized and thanked him that morning after, but it was not so heartfelt then, since I was also just waking up like "duh wha happen me?" I explained that I never meant to even get drunk much less...all that.

    He was nice about it and he explained that he was also really, really drunk as well, actually said he meant to get drunk. (The hotel was walking distance to the reception so drunk driving was never an issue that night). He said it was no big deal. I didn't say anything to him about his hotel refund, or about the gossiping.

    People at work have made some little jokes and comments and I just laugh it off and try to say something like "do I know how to party or what? Ha ha" so hopefully it will get to be old news. This coworker gossips about everybody so hopefully his gossiping about me says more about him than it does about me.

    And it wasn't a work function, it was a friend's wedding. There were about three or four people there I knew from work but not people I work closely with on a daily basis. My work is pretty independent of them. So I don't think it impedes our work together, them knowing I am fallible.

    I have wondered if my drink was spiked, like a roofie or something. That was the first thing I thought when I woke up, TBH. But I can't imagine who or when or why that would have happened. And nothing happened to me so, if that did happen then I'm OK so, close call I guess.
    Great work! You're handling this beautifully. Nobody at work is going to remember second hand gossip about something as common as drinking when they, themselves, didn't witness it. Letting coworker off the hook is smart, not only because you would have needed to pay full price for a room anyway, but also because you'll need to continue working with him--and holding hard feelings for someone on the job is self-punishing with zero payoff. Someone who admits to intentionally trying to get blasted doesn't view such a thing as a terrible outcome--so his fun at your expense isn't likely malicious.

    While you may not be able to come up with a plausible reason for someone to have spiked your drink, its possible that a fellow guest, employee or crashing stranger may have spiked the drinks of several guests to observe which may have ended up the most vulnerable target at the end of the night. So your travel back to your room with your roommate may have spared you a bad outcome.

    Head high.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You did the right thing, Rihannon. Humble, sincere gratitude goes a long way. Your coworker appreciated it. He was nice.

    Now that you've since apologized, put this in the past and keep it there. No sense rehashing it.

    In the future, be careful with booze though. Never walk away from your drink and then drink it because you can't prove it if it was spiked and tampered with. Also, self-control with the drinking. It's not fun getting plastered not to mention it endangers your safety especially as a woman and / or on the road. You don't want to be taken advantage of if you're inebriated.

  11. #20
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    I'm so glad you decided to take this approach and glad it is working out well at the end!!

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