Ex girlfriend

So I have been dating this girl for almost 4 years. We met at a community college. It was literally love at first sight, we talked a lot, we were together literally everyday, went out to lunch, dinner, movie dates literally everything it was like we were married. well I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes which I knew she would of course. like 2 years later I graduated from the community college and transferred to a 4 year college. my girlfriend pretty much dropped out of college and started working part time at a job which was a horrible idea, she said it was money issues but it was her grades and she lost her financial aid. during her school year I worked part time as well. I would wake up super early in the morning and help her with her homework so she would not get a bad grade but that obviously didn't turn out well because she still did not go back to college. when I graduated I went off to a 4 year college that was not far at all I was home everyday and was able to see her everyday. she became different, she became mean, I notice different changes in her. well during the year I got a text from a random person saying your girlfriend been hanging out with a guy behind your back and I wanted to tell you. I am like what do you mean. well I found out she went and hung out with a guy she graduated highschool with about 4 years ago and she told me she was hanging out with her friends that night so she completely lied to my face and I was devastated. I absolutely love her more than anything and how could she possibly do this to me, the guy told me she has been snapchatting him behind my back and she admitted she sent him pictures of her in a bra. we are both 23 years old by the way. later on within the week she told me she didn't want a relationship. and she went after this guy she knew in high school and the guy does not even live where we live he lives in another state. I asked her how could you do this to me and she said I need my space she always says she needs space. well now its Christmas and we worked things out and I told her why do you keep talking to him and other guys if you wanna work things out with me. well I said I am not going to give you space if your going to continue talking to other guys and flirting. well she eventually blocked my number for almost 3 weeks off everything. and I was completely blind sided by it. because me and this girl were like we are married I spent everyday with her and she was over my house everyday and was with my family and I all the time. when I was at school I got a text from her saying hey and I said hey and we met up and she told me she had sex with a guy she met on tinder and I was thinking what the hell is going on with you, like she is out of control. I told her I am just gonna be friends with you and nothing else because why would I put myself through this again. well during valentines day I took her out to dinner and bought her bunch of gifts because I always spoil her. well eventually I found out she had sex with that same kid like 3 weeks later and I am thinking why do I do things for you if you cant even respect me. like I swear I never cheated or did anything to her that's why I am so confused about her. now 2 months later me and her got back together and she completely changed for me she was nice, she didn't talk to any guys or flirted with any, she showed me off a lot and I felt really good with her. later in the month she started hanging out with her friends and these friends all they do is drink, and smoke weed. and work at ty jobs and care nothing but drinking and smoking. I told her don't you wanna go back to school get a good paying job and start your life, like its time to grow up. why do you wanna be around people like that, its nothing but trouble, and they are bringing you down, her friends really don't even care about her, whenever they ask her to hangout she is right at their feet and I am like what the , whenever I wanna do something with her she is never on time or she lies about it. she says I am to controlling and obsessive. she says when she is with her friends I have to know where she is and what she is doing because she stays out all night and sleeps over there. what boyfriend wouldn't be concern of what she is doing after she did the stuff she did. when she Is with her friends all she talks about is high school, what she did in high school, where are they drinking next, and when are they getting drunk. she tells me she wants alone time with her friends and sometimes never invites me. like I don't know what she wants from me if all she cares about is nothing but her high school friends. like I am mature I work all the time and go to school and wanna move out and start my life. she says she never gets to miss me, and when I am with her she acts find but she always wants to go to her friends house. and when I ask her what she is doing she tells me to off or calls me a little and that I need to grow up and go to bed and not worry about her. I don't know what to do but she is completely ing her life up.

Actually, you're the one who is f-ing up your life by remaining with her and constantly giving her chances after she cheats on you.

It's clear she isn't ready for a relationship with you, as she would rather hang out with other people and snapchat guys behind your back.

What makes you stay with her. You aren't married in any way. Do you have any sense of self here?

Because I still love her and she tells me she loves me

You should pay attention to her actions and not her words. Words are cheap.

Is it because we always hangout. And she says she never gets friend time. She says I constantly text her when she’s with her friends and I shouldn’t do that

I asked her if she wants to break up and she tells me she does not want to

I asked her if she wants to break up and she tells me she does not want to

So she gets everything she wants.

What about you?

She does not respect or love you. And you do not respect or love yourself. You have allowed this girl to walk all over you and treat you absolute crap. She is not friend material, and if she was, you cannot be friends when there are feelings.

Wake up, and stop being such a doormat. Cut all contact, and block and delete. She also sounds like a loser.

Then what does she want from me then?

Then what does she want from me then?

Attention. It is an ego boost. She doesn't care about you.

I would wonder what you get out of someone treating YOU with no respect? What does she have to do for you to walk away from this mess of an individual?

Damn, she is sleeping with other guys ,and prioritizes her friends and partying over you.

She is also insulting you. I don't know what you are missing in all of this.

She’s not sleeping with guys now that we are in a relationship

Listen, she is disrespecting/insulting you, and prioritizing her friends and partying. She doesn't even care about spending time with you. If you are willing to settle for this, then go ahead.

Do you think I am controlling for saying why the heck are you out till 3:40 am in

Obviously, you are not listening to any of the advice given.

Good luck.

Obviously, you are not listening to any of the advice given.

 

Good luck.

Hey Holls, you tried to get through, but I've learned you simply can't reason with someone in this much denial.

But yeah, good luck OP.

Do you think I am controlling for saying why the heck are you out till 3:40 am in

In word, yes. You're her boyfriend, NOT her prison warden.

If you don't like how she behaves or how she treats you, you wish her well and walk away.

It's called having self-respect.

And frankly, apologies if this sounds harsh, but I don't know how the hell you would expect her to have any respect for you, when clearly you have no respect for yourself.

I get you love her, but when a woman disrespects you on level she is disrespecting you, your "love" for her becomes irrelevant.

It's about loving yourself, respecting yourself and walking away.

Hey Holls, you tried to get through, but I've learned you simply can't reason with someone in this much denial.

 

But yeah, good luck OP.

You are right!

This relationship sounds unhealthy on both sides. I'm getting the impression that due to how much you're used to being connected at the waist with her, that you've grown co-dependant. Meanwhile she is not the same. She has tried telling you in several ways that she needs some air, but you seem to continue being suffocating. She's asked for space, says she needs friend time, etc.

She's also treated you like complete s**t and you've simply allowed her to do so. You've become more invested in her than yourself. What are your boundaries or limitations? What would be the final straw for YOU?

Please seek a professional to help you see this situation with clarity. Right now your vision is simply too muddied. Loving someone doesn't always mean the relationship works. The dynamic between the two of you isn't one you want to keep living for years to come, is it?

Because I still love her and she tells me she loves me

Dude, she is full of equine manure.

Girls who love you don't cheat. Period. Her words mean nothing because they are not supported by actions. This relationship is already over, but you will learn that the hard way when she finds your full-time replacement and leaves you in the dust.

This isn't love, however you slice it. You are unhealthily attached to her because your self-esteem is in the tank, and she is biding her time and enjoying the benefits of having a boyfriend like you who has so little self-respect that he spoils his cheating girlfriend. She's got it made, but it won't last forever. You can decide whether you want to preserve a bit of dignity and end it now, or wait until she does it. But it's coming, I guarantee you that.

She doesn't sound like gf material. Let her go rather than controlling and patrolling her.