Ex and I getting back together after a long complicated past - please help!

The Entire Story:

We broke up right before college. The distance was going to be too much, as an athlete I figured adjusting to a new school, new setting, and playing for a Division 1 program would be too much of a change to keep dating her and managing that relationship. We would text here and there, but nothing serious. I rushed through the break up because I didn’t know that I truly wanted to be with her this bad.

I was so set on moving on past the high school girlfriend stage. I met a girl in my orientation group and we hooked up the first night. After that we stayed in contact, and started dating in November of my freshman year of college. I was so eager to move on and move forward that I had no idea the implications that would come up out of it. The entire year goes by of me dating my girlfriend, while my ex was in the rearview other than some conversations here and there.

Summer comes around. Me and the girlfriend break up, as it was basically a need to be there type of relationship due to the fighting. The ex comes back in, we hang out, and then I get back together with the college girlfriend. The ex and I fight a lot, a lot was said, and needless to say there were a lot of long talks in cars in parking lots about our possible future.

Flash forward to Thanksgiving of 2018. I realize that I wanted to break up with my college girlfriend. I soon do that, and after a week or two text the high school one who has been the one I’ve always wanted to date the entire time. We decide to give it a go over Winter Break going into the school semester knowing we wouldn’t see each other. We make it through the entire semester, with problems here and there that were blamed on missing one another.

She has kept us talking a secret to most of her friends and entire family because of what I put her through. There is also a boy in her friend group who is in love with her and wants to be with her. I only find out that he tried to kiss her over Thanksgiving break a couple of weeks ago, and get upset.

I come home, and she comes over the next day. We pick up like we hadn’t skipped a beat in almost two years of not being together. She spends the entire day cuddled up next to me watching our favorite movies, tv shows, and going out to eat. She reminds me “to be her nice to her friends”, at which point I get triggered because I know that they don’t know about this, and that she was doubting that I’d be nice to them. We fought a little bit that night, I make up for it the next day by bringing coffee to her at the end of her shift. She goes out that night, she is at a small party with the boy who likes her. She didn’t disappear, but didn’t answer for a little while and that kind of raised a red flag.

She told me she was going to a Mets game later in the week with her friends, and I have no problem with her being around her friends, although this may be a secret so I often times offer the idea of not talking so she is not on her phone texting me since none of them know anything about it. I didn’t know she was going with the boy that likes her, and things turned for the worst. I was extremely nasty and quite honestly jealous. My whole thought process was that since her friends don’t know, and he certainly doesn’t know that I’ve been in the picture, would they kind of set them up together?

I saw her the following Sunday and it was an emotional talk. She said that it’s not about her not loving me or wanting to be with me, it’s just about me treating her right. I have treated her right in the past, but there are just some things that trigger me and I often have “word vomit” and spew out some not so nice things over text. He is one of those things that triggers me.

The following week was tough. It went from “being one too many times” that I’ve treated her badly, to “I don’t know” if it was over. I brought an iced coffee to her work to surprise her when she checked in, and left a bouquet of roses in her car along with a teddy bear and a hand written note. I never received a thank you for any of that but just a “you’re lucky it wasn’t my manager and it was my friend who got the coffee.”

This MDW things were silent between us. I was talking to some of her friends who believed that she was just upset. She told my friend that she would reach out. I texted her asking to talk since she has not seen me since the following Sunday, and out of boredom check snapmaps. I see that her and the boy are together at a Starbucks at 10pm on a Monday night, apparently “just talking”. I confronted her about it and she did not confirm or deny that they were hooking up, just that “she owes me nothing” and that “I should have treated her better when I had the chance”.

She has been putting this on the back burner and has not made even the slightest effort to see me in person, and loves knowing that she has all the power behind what decisions are being made and when. I do love her and want to be with her, but I feel like I should walk away at this point. I last reached out by saying that we should talk in person, that it would do more good than harm and would certainly be a better option than texting. I then get a text from one of my friends saying that “she knows she has to talk about it eventually, but the things he was saying to me I just don’t even want to”. She said that “she is always going to love me but can’t allow myself to be treated and spoken to the way he does to me like at a point the good can’t outweight the bad anymore”. She knows that not talking and not getting a straight answer for over a week is absolutely killing me.

She has pushed me to my breaking point. I don’t even know if she’s the girl I fell in love with anymore because of the possibility that she was hooking up with someone I had asked about before, and she had assured me that “nothing” was going on with him. Clearly not if you’re meeting up at a Starbucks to either talk or hook up at 10pm on a Monday night.

What should I do? What should I say?

Relationships shouldn't start this way, at least not good ones.

When you meet the right person, it won't be like this. There won't be all this unnecessary drama and misunderstandings.

Let this go.

She alluded to your poor treatment of her repeatedly, so I can't but think the story is a little one sided.

Work on the `word vomit' issue you admit to having.

Sooo as I read this, this is what I understood. Now if Im wrong, please let me know. When you were in town, you would hook up with your HS GF, when you at college you would be with your college GF?

Then I read this as you being selfish and nothing having to do with the women in your life, but your attempt to keeping them in your life and wanting you. A woman told you that you were not treating her right and instead of you asking how could you treat her better, you dismissed it by thinking that you treat her right and you completely confirmed it by saying that you often use your word vomit and text things that aren't so nice. Ill give you a pro tip my friend... when you do this, its about control. You want the person getting your text to feel bad, have a horrible time or make them feel guilty for having a great time.

Then you think by buying flowers and a hand written note would of done the trick.. funny because instead of thinking this would make her feel good, you turned it around and said "I never received a thank you". Further proving that its only about you and what you want, not what they want.

Let these women go, be single for a bit until you figure out what exactly you want in a relationship.

You're both too immature to be in a serious, exclusive relationship with anyone right now. Enjoy the freedom of being young and single right now. One day when you're ready to be serious with a woman, you'll maybe have learned what works in a relationship and what doesn't, and will have more experience to choose the type of woman you should be pouring your emotional energy into--a relationship that lacks toxic drama and a bitter past that's hard to forget.

This relationship is over, OP.

You both have some growing up to do, and you would be wise to check your sense of entitlement. Also, "word vomit" sounds a lot like a euphemism for just being rude and aggressive verbally. Coffee and flowers don't make that better. Learning how to control yourself and express yourself like an adult does. It's too late for that here, but remember that moving forward. Most self-respecting women are not going to tolerate BS like that.

She was your high-school girlfriend. The chances of this going the distance were always very slim, since we're all inherently too young and immature in that phase to make a serious go of a relationship. You and she have never quite moved past that, and you can see now that she has moved on and is interested in someone else. Leave her be. You two were not meant to be together forever, and you've reached the end of your story as a couple.

Sounds like your original plan was the right one - go to college, leave high school behind. That means truly behind, not sitting in rear view, maintaining contact and chatting and hooking up. That's not leaving behind, that's staying stuck in the past.

Dude, drop both chics completely, be single, enjoy college life, party, sleep around, date around, eff around - get that out of your system for real. Once you are truly ready to settle down, you'll know it and you'll need to then meet a girl you haven't effed over before. Clean slate, clean new relationship and a clean new future. You are soooo far away from that point right now it's silly to even think about it. Stop making your life messy by clinging on to your past. That's really the only problem you've got going on.

Thank you for everyone who has replied to my story with a lot of mixed comments, I really appreciate it