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Thread: Total Confusion of boyfriend's actions

  1. #1
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    Total Confusion of boyfriend's actions

    Me (f/23) and my boyfriend (m/23) are currently long distance for the summer due to him getting a job in another country. We have been dating for around 10 months but have known each other longer. Everything has been totally fine and normal until the other night when he messaged me this:

    BF: Are you awake I am feeling a little under the weather?
    ME: What's wrong?
    BF: I'm worried about our relationship.
    ME: Why? I thought everything was okay, did something change?
    BF: I don't know. probably nothing, I don't know what I want right now.

    After this conversation, he went to bed and I told him I would give him space to figure out what he wanted. He didn't speak me to for a day or so and then messaged me apologizing, saying he doesn't want to break up and he wants to be with me. He is afraid to go back to school etc. I told him I understood but I did not want to speak about this over text, only a phone call so we had clear communication. He responded that he would call in the evening. The evening rolls around (we only have an hour time difference) and I message him asking what time he would be free to call, three hours pass he isn't responding. Could be busy yes so I sent another message just saying "I understand you are probably busy so could we set a time that works for the both of us?" His response was that he was sorry and that he would call tomorrow because he isn't feeling good and that we will be okay.

    I am just a little tired from this all and the lack of communication from his part. Especially since we are long distance and I just want to have clear communication and not ignoring my messages and leaving me in the dark. I honestly fear he won't call today and I have never had trust issues in our relationship. I am not sure how to continue from here, would my best option to keep giving him space and wait for him to contact me? Because I do not want to push him away.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It's nothing you did. LDRs are hard. He may have met someone. He'll have to manage his situation as part of growing. Don't be his shoulder to cry on. Instead go no contact for a while. Consider dating locally.
    Originally Posted by Memorizing

    BF: Are you awake I am feeling a little under the weather?
    ME: What's wrong?
    BF: I'm worried about our relationship.
    ME: Why? I thought everything was okay, did something change?
    BF: I don't know. probably nothing, I don't know what I want right now.

  3. #3
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    Our LDR isn't permanent, we live an hour from each other however, this long distance is only for the summer. He does not live where he works so he would have not found someone.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Long distance relationships are dangerous, hard to keep. Sorry

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  6. #5
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    well it is only for four months and he will return in august where we live very close...

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Distance or not, it does seem like he is having some doubts about staying in the relationship. Could be he met someone, doesn't mean he is cheating, just that someone caught his attention and has left him questioning things. Could be that being apart has left him questioning things as well. Some people can be fine on their own for a bit, others just aren't cut out like that.

    Unfortunately, all you can do right now is believe him that you two will be fine and that he'll call when he can. That said, if he continues to avoid the conversation and act weird.....you will have some hard decisions to make about this relationship.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Im with DancingFool on this.

    4 months LD isn't that bad, but now the only thing you can do is wait. It's good that you're open and secure in your relationship. When you finally talk, don't clam up, continue to be open and understanding. Try to keep your mind occupied while you're waiting! All the best and keep us posted!

  9. #8
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    He did mention he was feeling lonely. I very much doubt he met someone as he is coming home in four months due to this only being for the summer as we are both returning to school. He did mention later on he didn't know what came over him but the fact he didn't contact me when he said he would as left me feeling a little uneasy.

  10. #9
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    I will do, thank you

  11. #10
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    It's not a great sign, if I'm being honest.

    You say things were fine and this came out of the blue. That suggests to me that either it's been weighing on him longer than he let on, or something happened that triggered him and led him to raise the issue with you. As DancingFool specualted, I too would be wondering if someone has caught his eye and it's leading him to feel confused. It might not be anyone who he intends to see regularly, but he might be worried about an attraction developing, for example. Sometimes people in LDR struggle with this even if they never act on it.

    How long has he been gone? Was communication good up until now?

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