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Thread: Total Confusion of boyfriend's actions

  1. #11
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    It's been about three weeks and yes communication has been good up until now.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Memorizing
    He did mention he was feeling lonely. I very much doubt he met someone as he is coming home in four months due to this only being for the summer as we are both returning to school. He did mention later on he didn't know what came over him but the fact he didn't contact me when he said he would as left me feeling a little uneasy.
    I think you and him have a bit of a personality difference. For you, 4 months is no big deal and it wouldn't be for many people. However, it's important to understand that others can be quite different from you and how you operate. Listen carefully to what he is telling you - that he is feeling lonely, down, etc. It could well be that he just had a moment of depression and that's all it is. Understandably, this left you feeling unsettled since you want to talk about it and he seems to be avoiding it for now. Maybe he is feeling better, maybe he feels foolish for his moment of confusion. Try to understand things from a different emotional perspective besides your own. You come across as very strong and stable, but your bf might not be quite that strong. Either way, until you talk, not much you can do. Just when you do talk, be sure that you listen carefully to what he is telling you and if he tells you it was all just a bout of whatever, believe him. It happens, especially when you are alone in a foreign country and starting to miss your friends and life back home.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You were smart to ask for a phone conversation instead of discussing important issues over text. It was very uncaring of him to leave you hanging about such an important discussion. It could be that he realized he isn't missing you as he should. It could be that he has met someone, even if it's illogical because he's only there temporarily.

    People who love you and are struggling with other issues should be seeking your support, not running away from you. I doubt other issues are driving him away from you.

    Don't let him be the one who calls the shots. You can listen to him if he eventually calls, but if he doesn't feel 100 percent confidence in being with you, why stay? If he doesn't behave in a way that a partner in an exclusive relationship should be behaving, decide you have standards that he doesn't meet. People want a partner who is confident, has a spine, and isn't a doormat. Make sure he knows you need to be treated as the special person you are or you'll be saying, "This isn't working for me. I wish you the best." Take care.

  4. #14
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    He could be just having a wobble. People have wobbles sometimes. The distance and separation could have him thinking thoughts he wouldn't normally have, or has prompted him to reevaluate things and he has nobody to just be there with him and ground him in those moments. Yes, all the things the other posters say could be right but it could just be a momentary wobble. A blip of uncertainty and insecurity. He might have more in that long distance period but might be all good when you are reunited and it doesn't mean he has met anyone else or something like that.

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  6. #15
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    Sorry, to hear it. I think you have handled things really well.

    I second Dancing's and Andrina's advice.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I think you and him have a bit of a personality difference. For you, 4 months is no big deal and it wouldn't be for many people. However, it's important to understand that others can be quite different from you and how you operate. Listen carefully to what he is telling you - that he is feeling lonely, down, etc. It could well be that he just had a moment of depression and that's all it is. Understandably, this left you feeling unsettled since you want to talk about it and he seems to be avoiding it for now. Maybe he is feeling better, maybe he feels foolish for his moment of confusion. Try to understand things from a different emotional perspective besides your own. You come across as very strong and stable, but your bf might not be quite that strong. Either way, until you talk, not much you can do. Just when you do talk, be sure that you listen carefully to what he is telling you and if he tells you it was all just a bout of whatever, believe him. It happens, especially when you are alone in a foreign country and starting to miss your friends and life back home.
    I echo this and perhaps he is feeling left out and insecure about the relationship as a result of his being away... OP is here surrounded by friends and family and probably going out and socializing etc... would be hard to take if you were feeling lonely and disconnected... not that you should stop going out and having fun OP just something to be aware of from his side of things.

  8. #17
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    My BF is actually currently living with his family during the LDR.

  9. #18
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    MissCanuck i agree with the part where you said ("You say things were fine and this came out of the blue. That suggests to me that either it's been weighing on him longer than he let on, or something happened that triggered him and led him to raise the issue with you.") i think that part about it weighing on him for a long time might be somewhat true,I too was in a long distance relationship and i was in the exact position he is in and my reason for feeling such was not cause of another girl or cause i lost the love i had for her or anything like that ,it was cause of other reasons that had nothing to do with her but cause of the things i was going through that i had to go through alone and she couldnt help me with and i knew that and i couldnt keep up the act that i was okay and everything was okay when i clearly wasnt .

    So i think there is more going on here ,I think the best way is to talk to him to find out whats really going on and there might be things that are going on that are affecting him in a big way ,bigger than you can image and in a way might be too many things on his plate and he might just need time to himself to figure somethings out.I suggest being open to whatever he has to say and to try to understand where he is coming from .

    After all we are at that age where we still figuring ourselves out and what to make of everything and figuring out whats best for us .
    Hope it helps and im curious to know how things go
    I would appreciate it if you write back

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