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Thread: She Misses but Doesn't Call Me?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Dude, you need to take a deep breath.

    This "cold silent" stuff? You're creating games that don't exist—and that she's not playing. I mean, unless I've got this wrong, yesterday this woman was telling you that she missed you "inside" of her? Great! Go for a run, have a beer, read a magazine, enjoy yourself.

    Except, for some reason, you can't. For some reason "I miss you inside of me" sated you for—what? A few hours? Then you were staring at the clock watching "tomorrow" become today, waiting for the phone to ring, questioning everything once more?

    No relationship can survive under this kind of scrutiny—long distance or IRL.

    You had two good months. She went away. Two weeks later you had a week together. Now you've been apart for what? Three weeks, with a date on Friday? I don't mean to sound insensitive, but that's pretty great. For some people in the same city that would be pretty great at this stage in a relationship. If you had three other things in Michigan that were bringing you joy these moments would be a lot easier. Regardless of where all this goes or what she's feeling, I think that should be your focus right now.

  2. #22
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    What do you mean you took all the initiative but then you finally stop calling?

    Why? To shyt test her to see if she'll step up? That's what it sounds like to me.

    Shyt tests have no place in a healthy developing relationship, pls learn this.

    Another guess? She was on to your little test, and you flunked it, badly.

    Next time, if you'd like her to step up more, communicate that to her in a non-accusatory, non-demanding, non-needy way.

    Don't just suddenly stop calling, hoping she'll step up. She won't. She will either think you lost interest OR that you're playing games, the latter of which was precisely what you were doing!

    Ugh.

  3. #23
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    Lol, blue, you and I seem to be on the same wave length tonight!

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    What do you mean you took all the initiative but then you finally stop calling?

    Why? To shyt test her to see if she'll step up? That's what it sounds like to me.

    Shyt tests have no place in a healthy developing relationship, pls learn this.

    Another guess? She was on to your little test, and you flunked it, badly.

    Next time, if you'd like her to step up more, communicate that to her in a non-accusatory, non-demanding, non-needy way.

    Don't just suddenly stop calling, hoping she'll step up. She won't. She will either think you lost interest OR that you're playing games, the latter of which was precisely what you were doing!

    Ugh.
    I just felt like I was contacting her all the time.... she can pick up the phone and do the same. Why should i be the one to call every single day. Also, maybe 3 weeks back there was a time where i called once on one day and once on another and she ignored both calls with no call back. That's not a good sign. I gave her space recently for her to take initiative. It shouldn't be one sided. It should be 50/50 generally.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Dude, you need to take a deep breath.

    This "cold silent" stuff? You're creating games that don't exist—and that she's not playing. I mean, unless I've got this wrong, yesterday this woman was telling you that she missed you "inside" of her? Great! Go for a run, have a beer, read a magazine, enjoy yourself.

    Except, for some reason, you can't. For some reason "I miss you inside of me" sated you for—what? A few hours? Then you were staring at the clock watching "tomorrow" become today, waiting for the phone to ring, questioning everything once more?

    No relationship can survive under this kind of scrutiny—long distance or IRL.

    You had two good months. She went away. Two weeks later you had a week together. Now you've been apart for what? Three weeks, with a date on Friday? I don't mean to sound insensitive, but that's pretty great. For some people in the same city that would be pretty great at this stage in a relationship. If you had three other things in Michigan that were bringing you joy these moments would be a lot easier. Regardless of where all this goes or what she's feeling, I think that should be your focus right now.
    I guess I do need to chill. That's why i'm just going to distance myself emotionally. I've tried doing the things you mentioned. Literally going out, running etc. But she's consuming my mind. I need to distance myself. And I'm posting this right now because she said she would call me but didn't. If i say i'm going to do something, i usually do it. One day she says she misses me and will call me on a specific day (supposed to be today), but then she does the opposite... but yea, i'm going to try and chill out.

  7. #26
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    Look dude, you screwed up, just own it, and learn from it.

    Your getting defensive, blaming her is serving you no good purpose,

    Fact is, you are insecure, needy, you shyt test versus being direct and you play games.

    Not saying she's some innocent angel in all this, it takes two, but you need to own your role, learn from it, and again stop getting defensive and attempting to justify it, by making her the bad guy.

    She has lost interest, simple as that, she actually owes you nothing, imo. It's still very early stages in the grand scheme.

    I'm sorry things don't seem to be working out the way you hoped.,

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Look dude, you screwed up, just own it, and learn from it.

    Your getting defensive, blaming her is serving you no good purpose,

    Fact is, you are insecure, needy and you play games.

    Not saying she's some innocent angel in all this, it takes two, but you need to own your role, learn from it, and again stop getting defensive and attempting to justify it, by making her the bad guy.

    She has lost interest, simple as that, she actually owes you nothing, imo. It's still very early stages in the grand scheme.

    Giving her distance is beneficial. I think it would be needy to blow her phone up everyday, with her not even doing anything in our relationship. I just happen to disagree. Besides, distance builds attraction. If communication is not being reciprocated, what else am i supposed to do? Stay clueless and tied to someone who never calls, when i could be going and meeting other women? I deserve someone who wants me equally and shows it.

    And she probably has lost interest tbh based off what her actions convey. The whole "i miss you inside of me" thing and how she always mentions it says otherwise, which is puzzling.

    And I agreed with you that me mentioning we should contact either other more does show insecurity, but i felt like it needed to be done. What's a long distance relationship with hardly no talking? It would be better to find someone local at that point. But i didn't want to through out what we had right out the window. I let her know how i felt.

    You're saying she's lost total interest? Like wants to break up?

  9. #28
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    I 100% agree about a bit of distance building (and maintaining) attraction, read my posts, I talk about that on this forum quite often.

    And I never suggested you blow up her phone, not sure where that even came from. Just more defensive posturing the way I see it.

    Jmo, but I just think you've handled this still developing relationship all wrong, for the reasons blue and I have already stated.

    You are free to disagree and carry on as you wish; I wish you the best of luck.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-28-2019 at 12:39 AM.

  10. #29
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    Maybe she would call you if you didn’t call her so often.

    As I said already , you seem bored and I doubt have much to talk to her about.
    Which imo is something that would cause loss of interest.
    Running is fine but you are still in your own head space.
    Get out and do something with others.
    So that when you do chat to her you actually have something to chat about.
    Other than work, grocery shopping and staring at the 4 walls.

    Be interesting!!!

  11. #30
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    If you look at it from the perspective that people do what makes them happy, then I think the fact she hasn't contacted you in 4 days is not a good sign. I mean, I'm sure she misses you, but does that equate to wanting to keep the relationship going? Long distance is very difficult even for couples with a strong bond. if I had to bet money, I'd guess that she'd be into the relationship if you lived in the same city, but the distance is getting too hard on her and she's probably not invested in keeping this going. i'm sorry. it sucks, i've totally been in your shoes before and it is hard. but maybe best to let go before you get really hurt. you already told her you need more communication, but it doesn't sound like she's making that effort.

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