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Thread: Is grandmother overstepping?

  1. #1
    Member ZeeBae's Avatar
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    Is grandmother overstepping?

    So my daughters grandmother(fathers side) called and asked me if my daughter could visit a week ago after not seeing her for 2 years with NO contact.I asked if she’d be staying the night and was simply told “I’m not sure,pack some extra clothes just in case”.So Saturday morning comes we meet up and they take off.Well I worked got off at 5:00pm and still hadn’t heard anything so I call grandma around 7 no answer.Call around 10 no answer.I text “hey just trying to find if you’re coming back tonight or if tomorrow what time?”no response.I call the aunt who answers “we will be back tomorrow” fine.My daughter calls me the next day excited and says we’re going to the beach.So I simply texted the aunt and asked them to keep an extra eye on my daughter bc she can’t swim and tends to go to the deep parts without knowing.The grandmother calls me back with an attitude and says “she is safe with me you don’t have to keep calling.I got her so you don’t have to keep doing that!”Am I right to feel offended bc she doesn’t really know anything about my daughter and how do I set her straight without all of the cussing and drama but set my boundaries bc I really got upset after that call!Heeeeeelp

  2. #2
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    First of all, how old is your daughter? And how well do YOU know the grandmother and aunt?

  3. #3
    Member ZeeBae's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    First of all, how old is your daughter? And how well do YOU know the grandmother and aunt?
    She’s 9 I was with her dad since middle school (13-21) but he wasn’t raised by his mother and she has not gone out of her way to bond with my daughter.As for the aunt were okay not great but cordial none the less

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You didn't do anything wrong. You hadn't had a relationship with the grandmother in two years, and you had no idea how capable she was of taking care of your daughter. And the fact that she didn't give you the courtesy of responding when you asked if she was staying the night makes it justified for you to be overly concerned.

    Why did you suddenly decide to let her see the grandmother?

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  6. #5
    Member ZeeBae's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    You didn't do anything wrong. You hadn't had a relationship with the grandmother in two years, and you had no idea how capable she was of taking care of your daughter. And the fact that she didn't give you the courtesy of responding when you asked if she was staying the night makes it justified for you to be overly concerned.

    Why did you suddenly decide to let her see the grandmother?
    Never kept my daughter away grandmother just never called and checked on her or bonded with her all these years so when she did call the family is having a get together for Memorial Day weekend and my daughter would get to meet all of her family on her fathers side(dad doesn’t get her either even WITH court ordered visitation) so she got to see father,his whole side of the family even her little sister!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    People are petty. Don't let it impact your day. The more important thing is your daughter enjoying the time with her grandmother. Rise above the drama.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You have the right to feel offended. Whenever anyone doesn't return your calls, texts (or emails / messages), it is considered rude and disrespectful especially when your child's safety is at risk.

    I'm a mother, too so I can relate to exactly how you feel. When I was 8 years old with a neighbor friend and her family for a beach picnic, I almost drowned in a rip current or rip tide! It was frightfully scary because I couldn't come up for air. I was caught in an enormous swirl wave which pounded me to smithereens. Needless to say, it was the last time I ever went swimming in the ocean or at the beach's shore. Never again. That incident scared me to death.

    Drowning isn't anything to sneeze at. It is a silent killer because people don't pay attention to anyone who is drowning unless a lifeguard pays attention and rescues them. My mother was always paranoid about me drowning and rightly so because when I was a child, we rented a house with a backyard pool. While she was at work, she was always nervous whenever she entrusted my grandfather to babysit me and sure enough, he was never attentive under his watch. I was only 3 years old and could've easily toddled my way to the pool and quietly drowned. It was a miracle I never drowned while under the care of a negligent babysitter.

    I've always had "eagle eyes" on my two young sons at the local pool every summer. Other mothers volunteered to "watch" my sons should I need to step away but I thought the better of it and politely declined. I understand your fears and concerns, ZeeBae. Personally, I always feel there is no substitute for a mother's vigilant eyes when it comes to her child's safety. I've had other mothers volunteer to chauffeur and escort my son to preschool. After observing a mom (my neighbor) walk fast without holding her son's hand across a busy parking lot, I certainly did not want my son to get run over by a passing car. She walked fast while her sons ran to keep up with her. I was horrified to imagine my son doing the same and get hit by a car. I politely declined her offer. I'm sure there are caregivers who are the responsible type but I just couldn't depend and rely on anyone else when it came to drowning danger, getting hit by cars or oncoming traffic, abductions and I never allowed my young sons to enter the men's restroom all by themselves either. A mother can never let her guard down. I was aware. It doesn't pay to be ignorant. Yes, it was a hassle to protect them but at least they grew up safely. They certainly didn't grow up safely all by themselves.

    Remember you are the Mom. Never worry about what other people think. You have your rights to say whatever you want regarding your child's welfare. Your child's safety and health are tantamount and forever priority #1. You are the only one who truly cares for your child like no other. Hopefully, this can be done without cussing and drama but if it comes to that and that's what it takes to ensure your child's safety, you do whatever it takes. Keep being fussy when it comes to your child's safety because you must. You don't want to attend your daughter's funeral and then your grandmother and aunt can only say, "I'm sorry?" NO. Unacceptable.

    This is what real motherhood is.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Well, I'd not cause any drama or let her attitude get to me, no way she'd win that one but I sure a hell wouldn't ever let my daughter stay over night at the grandmother's again. To not respond to you when you are calling about your daughter is the epitome of disrespect and irresponsibility and it would certainly make me hesitant to ever let her stay there more than an hour or two ever again, particularly since she is a absent grandmother who couldn't be bothered for two years. Most grandmothers that don't have an eff-you attitude call their grandchildren's mother and let them know how things are and even text through a pic or two of the little one(s) having fun.

    Sorry but IMO: Your daughter's grandmother is a cow to basically give you chit for having concern for your daughters safety and instead of that attitude, she should have kindly assured you and thanked you for the advice.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You were caught off guard with this invite, and I know it's a hard place to be in. You want your child to be a part of her dad's family if they are welcoming her in. Moving forward, try to have the mindset that you will make all of your future decisions on what's best for your child's welfare. You do not know any of these relatives well enough to know if they share your views on disciplining your child. If she misbehaves, you might be appalled at how they handled things.

    You don't know if any of them take drugs, and if so, how it affects their judgement. You don't know if they keep a watchful eye out, or not, on your child. The grandma could be the type who falls asleep on the beach. She might be unable to swim and not be able to assist if your daughter was struggling. There might be perverts in the family you don't know about who your daughter could be exposed to at family gatherings.

    And what you do know now is that she disregards your feelings as far as keeping in contact when she has your daughter. She didn't have the intelligence or maturity or common sense to ask if your child was allergic to anything. If she could swim. What another emergency number was in case she couldn't reach you.

    If she was y to you and didn't care about family relations, don't worry about how upset she'll be when you set boundaries in the future.

    What would I do if this happened to me? I'd tell her: I'm not going to let my daughter go anywhere with anyone who doesn't answer my call when I'm trying to find out where my child is and how she's doing. I want her to get to know you better, but for now, you can't come spend time with her at our home. Or, I'll join you both at a park or the beach. We can have outings together. (I know the woman won't be pleasant to you, but you can set rules on that too, i.e., "I don't want my daughter to feel tension amongst family members, so lets make a rule that we be pleasant and respectful to each other in her presence.)

    If your ex was in the picture, he would have to be the one to address these issues, but since he's not, you will have to. If you don't feel comfortable with something, set your own rules. You're her sole guardian, and nobody else has a right to be around your child. It's a privilege they have to earn.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Andrina is spot on. She brought up an excellent point of not knowing who will enter your daughter's life when you are not there watching her. There are perverts, child molesters and rapists in families, extended families, their friends and acquaintances. When there are no witnesses to protect your daughter, anything goes because those are crimes of opportunity. Children are so vulnerable to physical abuse of all sorts. Beware.

    The grandma, aunt and other adults are too busy socializing to realize your daughter is drowning, physically attacked by whom they know or strangers, abducted or any of those scary scenarios.

    There is NO substitute for a mother's vigilance, radar and protection. Always listen to your gut instincts and intuition because it's always correct and right on the mark. If you feel deep within your bones that your daughter's welfare and safety does not take top priority, you have ever right to decline their invitations. Safety comes first.

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