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Thread: Fiancee doesn't get along with anyone in my life.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Originally Posted by PinkTurkey
    Guess I should have clarified for @Wiseman2, we didnt move into my friends house. My friend who is the one more so in the financial situation wanted us all to move in together into a house. My boyfriend and I have lived on our own since the beginning of the relationship. We were in a small apartment and my friend still at their moms after many talks we all decided to move to a large house.

    I agree with a lot was said here and thank everyone for their replies. I guess it's hard to get mad at him when I constantly make excuses for him such as 'oh he was raised this way.'

    I will also say hes never mistreated me, my friends dont like his personality not anything to do with how he treats me.

    I do have a lot to think about though. Thank you all again.
    you are making excuses for him, in a way, to keep this together. I honestly believed "if people don't like who you have chosen, its their problem" and wish i had not. Well, that does not apply to the people who have your best interests at heart unless its superficial (they think someone isn't handsome enough, etc.), They see how someone treats you, they see the work you have to do to even keep them in your life. People who truly love you don't care if a guy can't talk about the family's favorite sport with them but care how they treat you.

    If he talks down to people he barely knows, i find it VERY hard to believe he doesn't do the same thing to you and so do they. If he does not speak to you in this way, he will. Treatment is not always about not hitting someone. My ex was always "you don't have as much life experience as me. I am older so i know better", "your feet are too big to wear pants like that" "here, i bought you this dress because i know better what looks good on you", "that's dumb" "you already told that story, they don't want to hear it again". And then in front of people would open doors for me, tell people how great he is by what he does, etc.

    Honestly, do you want a lifetime of apologizing for a royal jerk?

    And it doesn't matter how they were raised. My ex's family used to yell. One sibling would threaten to call the police on another sibling if they didn't get their way. And just because that's how they grew up, might explain their behavior but it does not mean i must accept it. I do not have to train someone how to speak to people. If someone grew up in a drug den and so always showed up with pot or a bag of crack - do i have to date them and say "oh, poor Johnny doesn't know any better?"

    You are choosing the person who will be the closest to you for the rest of your life, you are not an early childhood education teacher trying to explain why a child has peculiar habits or can't learn.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Originally Posted by PinkTurkey
    I will also say hes never mistreated me,
    I am often surprised when someone adds this as an attribute. I also think it's rather telling.

    Being treated decently is a bottom level minimum expectation. Not an attribute.

    Outside of other things, I have two beta tests for a man I am dating. Do my friends like him? Because they will often see things I am not willing to admit.

    And go on vacation with them

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I always judge people in how they treat others because you will be fair game, too. Just you wait and then it will be your turn if it hasn't been already. Run for the hills! Escape and flee!

    Only be with a person who knows how to treat others and you with conscientious RESPECT, common decency and common courtesy. Everyone else is a reject. That's a no-brainer.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Ask yourself two questions:

    1.) Is he worth all this?

    2.) Do I need newer, and different-types of friends?

    Set your boundaries. Set your standards based on those boundaries. If his attitude is unacceptable, it's unacceptable. If he can't be cordial or at least nice on the surface with your friends and family, and you're not okay with it, say so and stand your ground. If he wants you, he's gotta rise to your expectations. He doesn't have to be best friends or completely fake to your friends, but understanding your friendships are important to you in your life, he should at least respect that. If it's more about the need for friends' approval, then maybe it's time for an evaluation on how high the degree of influence you allow your friends to have on your relationships.

    Boundaries. They are important to have, and important to live by. Anybody who doesn't respect that is not worth your time or energy.

    Hope that helped.


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