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Thread: Update: scary conversation. Unsure if I should take steps to help?

  1. #1
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    Update: scary conversation. Unsure if I should take steps to help?

    I wrote previously about a very fresh break up with a guy 3 days ago who has rapid cycling bipolar. I am not able to link my post in here, but feel free to read my last post if you would like some further background.

    This evening we spoke on the phone to organise returning something to him and he was a completely different person. He was very cold and told me the reason he broke up with me was to pursue his creative projects and he didn't want to be tied down. He then said he is going to leave the country to pursue his creative interests and if he isn't successful he will kill himself, however he doubts he will be unsuccessful as he is a genius. I was seriously concerned at this point and tried to ask questions regarding where he was going and talk to him about it so I could hopefully talk him out of it/get more information to ensure he is safe and from there he became very vicious with me, telling me that he never actually loved me, that I am a joke to him and he wished he never wasted his time with me. He then told me that he doesn't want to ever hear from me again and doesn't want me anywhere near him.

    I am very hurt by what was said, but most of all, I am very worried about him. He is American and is living in Australia on a student visa and doesn't have any friends or family here. Is it my place to take any measures to ensure he is safe and if so, how could I help?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Leave him alone. Stay no contact. He is a student and has ways to get help. Do not play doctor.
    Originally Posted by deedee28
    He then told me that he doesn't want to ever hear from me again and doesn't want me anywhere near him. He is American and is living in Australia on a student visa and doesn't have any friends or family here.

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    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You are not a counselor. Even if you were, you could not help him - he has serious issues, and you have a different relationship. I'd stay far, far away from somebody who is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. You'll likely end up doing more harm than good.

    We call them crazy because they are impossible to deal with.

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    I honestly think OP he was just blowing off steam about the killing himself part. At this point take everything he says with a grain of salt. The nice thing about you no longer being with him is you donít have too put up with him. Itís no longer your job to care so to speak. He said some awful things towards you which I think gives you the all clear to erase him from your worries and your mind.

    At the end of the day heíll do what he is going to do. Itís not your job anymore to pick up the pieces.

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    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Normal people don't go around saying they will commit suicide.

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    No they donít but itís not like he said outright Iím going to kill myself at this moment. He said if things donít work out with his life he would. To me heís putting on a guilt trip to the OP. Itís alarming he mentioned it yes, but itís also something I wouldnít worry about at this moment.

    Those who are severely mentally ill including myself can loosely throw the killing myself around as frustration when depicted in if life doesnít go as planned. Doesnít mean heíll kill himself like others have said things like that before who are mentally ill.

    Like I said the way he worded it isnít anything the op should be alarmed about.

    Iím not condoning him saying that. How serious he is about it? I donít know.

    Iím just saying it sounds more like he said it out of anger and to gain sympathy.

    Besides the OP canít do anything about him making threats like that in regards to his future. When he means it for the future. It would be different if he said ď Iím killing myself.Ē Which would mean present tense.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by deedee28
    I wrote previously about a very fresh break up with a guy 3 days ago who has rapid cycling bipolar. I am not able to link my post in here, but feel free to read my last post if you would like some further background.

    This evening we spoke on the phone to organise returning something to him and he was a completely different person. He was very cold and told me the reason he broke up with me was to pursue his creative projects and he didn't want to be tied down. He then said he is going to leave the country to pursue his creative interests and if he isn't successful he will kill himself, however he doubts he will be unsuccessful as he is a genius. I was seriously concerned at this point and tried to ask questions regarding where he was going and talk to him about it so I could hopefully talk him out of it/get more information to ensure he is safe and from there he became very vicious with me, telling me that he never actually loved me, that I am a joke to him and he wished he never wasted his time with me. He then told me that he doesn't want to ever hear from me again and doesn't want me anywhere near him.

    I am very hurt by what was said, but most of all, I am very worried about him. He is American and is living in Australia on a student visa and doesn't have any friends or family here. Is it my place to take any measures to ensure he is safe and if so, how could I help?
    Contact the schools psychology department and ask for advice or... If you have information on how to contact his family then contact them and tell them about his psychotic episodes and that he has threatened to kill himself. Then leave it up to them to handle and you stop talking to him altogether. He doesn't care about anything you may have of his but you could also tell his family about his belongings and see if they want you go do anything with them.

    If you have no way of contacting his family (through phone/facebook/email whatever) then it is still not your responsibility to take care of him but you could contact the local mental health department there and ask for guidance. At least if he does do something to himself you can go about your life guilt-free knowing you did what was in your control to do.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're not a crisis counselor. Do not make calls, contact anyone, etc. Do not make matters worse by playing amateur doctor or amateur first responder or amateur crisis counselor. Instead of playing hero, you could have told him to call a suicide help line or police.

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    He's a grown adult, and a manipulative one. He's perfectly capable of seeking any help he needs, but he'd rather try to hook an ex into playing social worker FOR him.

    Skip that. He's an ex for a reason, and he's confirmed why that's actually the best outcome for you.


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