Don't know how she feels anymore...

So I've been seeing this girl for about 5 months now, and things were going great between us. We're not actually dating because her last relationship was quite chaotic and she needed time to reflect on how hurt she got and trying to get over it.

So here's the situation so you guys can have a better understanding of it all.

She is from another city about an hour and a half from where I am, but since last year she moved to my city for university. I've met her last year so about 8 months ago. We've hit it off really well and we both felt something, but back then she was still in a relationship, one that lasted from June till mid December. We've kept each other as really good friends. We started getting really close by February, both of us hadn't expected things to turn that way. Sadly her ex boyfriend was quite abusive and jealous so she didn't want to be in a relationship as she felt she wasn't ready for it.

So we went on and on getting closer and closer and more intimate, we've started making plans together trying to figure out what we both wanted and came to the conclusion that we want to be together. As of today she still wants that.

She moved back to her hometown which is about an hour and a half away from where I am about a month and a half ago.

About a 3 weeks ago, for her success at Uni I've offered her a trip to a very nice place out of town. We had a great time and after that trip she felt ready to jump into a relationship. I've met her best friend a while back already and also her mother and her grand parents (she had told me that meeting her grand parents is a huge step forward for her). I'm supposed to meet her father this Saturday as he's helping her move to her new apartment in the city I live in for Uni.

However the last 10 days have been quite hard, she became distant and we have indeed not see each other as much in the last 10 days as we have been both very busy with work.

She told me she felt a bit down and then admitted being distant with me.

Yesterday she then told me that she doesn't know what's happening with her anymore, as if her feeling are a bit off and she doesn't know what she wants with me anymore. So I drove all the way to her and spent the night with her. We've talked briefly about it all. She doesn't really understand what is happening, but she explained that she found things were hard for her, distance isn't easy and she wants us to do more "fun" things together. She also said that she still wants all those things we talked and made projects for but she doesn't know if she's able to wait for it all, as in she finds it really hard to wait for everything to come. Patience isn't one of her virtues.

I'm going to her town tomorrow again to go see her play her soccer match and she's really looking forward to it. After that we're spending 2 days together. And then I'm seeing her Saturday and meeting her father.

I've been quite lost about it all the last 10 days, not knowing what is really happening and how to solve it all and make it easier for her, the both of us.

Do you mean I should keep on trying to get to her? Try and see her more, make the effort and everything?

I'm a little confused. She is moving to your city for university this Saturday, but isn't sure if she is able to wait for it? I don't follow.

She's moving into her apartment this Saturday but she won't actually be here. She just found a good place to stay so she took it now. She will actually be here in August.

She's moving into her apartment this Saturday but she won't actually be here. She just found a good place to stay so she took it now. She will actually be here in August.

Okay, that makes more sense.

What kinds of "fun" things does she want to do together that you two haven't already been doing? I would be concerned that she is worried about the distance when it's just another couple months before that won't be an issue anymore. My gut tells me she is rethinking the relationship and isn't actually ready to commit after all, distance or not.

I would see how the next couple weeks go, but keep your eyes and ears open. She had reservations going into this, and they seem to be resurfacing again. Observe what she does, without your prompting. Meaning, does she still reach out to you? Make plans? Or does she retreat further away from you?

She's not ready for a relationship. The issue is that you think that you're in a relationship, and she doesn't. You said it yourself, in the beginning, that you're not really dating. But to you, you are.

Okay, that makes more sense.

 

What kinds of "fun" things does she want to do together that you two haven't already been doing? I would be concerned that she is worried about the distance when it's just another couple months before that won't be an issue anymore. My gut tells me she is rethinking the relationship and isn't actually ready to commit after all, distance or not.

 

I would see how the next couple weeks go, but keep your eyes and ears open. She had reservations going into this, and they seem to be resurfacing again. Observe what she does, without your prompting. Meaning, does she still reach out to you? Make plans? Or does she retreat further away from you?

Fun things as in go out, camping, explore places and so on...

Give her plenty of room to breathe and adjust to moving, school work, etc. Lay back and don't fret about "being distant". Don't pressure her this much.