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Thread: The Gift of Goodbye

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Chelsea54's Avatar
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    The Gift of Goodbye

    This is about people who you need to let go.
    A few videos I saw today that were helpful to me.
    I have a history of holding on, thinking I can work, trust, love harder to make things in a relationship right when I should let go instead. History can predict but does not define the future. Today I decided to change & after 100’s of readings & videos, these tipped the scale for me.

    Look up RC Blakes: “Let them go”
    and other videos from him.
    There are some people you need to let go. Applies romantically, but also to family/friends and his reasoning is biblically based if that resonates with you. If it doesn’t, then there is still a good message in there and is helpful. I noticed he even touched on no contact. It’s good.

    Of course there is the Madea Let them go.

    Also—TD Jakes “let them go” the shorter video

    Jean Charlles—let them miss you

    How to move on, Let Go, & Leave your past in the past. —Fearless Soul

    —posting this as it might be helpful to others.

  2. 05-27-2019, 02:05 PM

  3. #2
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I always feel that whenever friendships or relationships fail, it wasn't meant to be. If there is something wrong such as personality conflict, bad characteristic traits and no shared values regarding common decency and respect, it will never work no matter how much effort there is. It's like beating a dead horse and nothing but an effort in futility. I've always said to myself, "I should've, I could've, I would've . . ." and then I realize no, eventually the friendship or relationship would've fizzled anyway. Both parties need to be in lockstep and you both need to believe in the same thing regarding its success. Whenever there is a lack of emotional intelligence (EQ), it will always be an epic fail.

    Then when you find someone who exercises common sense, understands and practices reason, possesses empathy and compassion, voila, you've hit the jackpot!

  4. #3
    Bronze Member Chelsea54's Avatar
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    I feel strong about these ideas of letting go for a while and ENA and things I see to read or watch are helpful.
    But, I don’t want to let go. It’s very painful. I want him. I love who I think he is but he won’t spend time with me or let me closer to him emotionally to really see. It’s causing me psychological anguish. Marriages would break up over what’s (not) going on here, yet this is just dating of sorts and I’ve been holding on & on. I am holding on to imagined potential and it’s wrong of me. I’ve brought up ending it countless times but he always wants to hold on, while at the same time not giving what is needed to maintain or grow us.

  5. #4
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You don't want to let go but you need to realize you have to be realistic, too. It's ok not being able to reconcile those thoughts because a lot of people struggle with wanting and accepting reality at the same time. Yes, it's painful and you want him and then you need to think that those feelings are not reciprocal which is unfair to you. Don't think this is all you deserve. Don't hold onto anything hopeless because you're wasting your time and energy on someone who is not giving you any respect, time, energy, resources and love. You need to be strong, tough, carry on and move on in order to heal and recover. Be glad this was only dating. It's worse to discover this in marriage not to mention legally messy. Be brave and courageous. Take baby steps, take good care of your health and never obsess over a man in order to validate your self worth. Be your own person and you will attract the right man who values you.

    Look at this negative experience as a blessing in disguise. The silver lining is he actually did you a favor by not spending time with you nor be emotionally close to you. He's not your type. Don't expend your life on him anymore because he's certainly not doing that for you. Value yourself more and give yourself self-respect and dignity. Don't feel the need to be needed. I was once you. Over time, you will become wise and think clearly with logic and reason. Then will see the light, have clarity, intelligence and know you need to carry yourself with self possession, poise and aplomb. You will get there as it is a growing process toward maturity.

    Be evenly yoked with others regarding personality and character. Everyone else does not matter.

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  7. #5
    Bronze Member Chelsea54's Avatar
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    Cherylyn—Thank you for what you wrote.

  8. #6
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    R.C Blakes was a big part of my recovery. He has a couple of videos about Soul Ties and Narcissism which kept me going through the extreme dark times last year*

    I'm the same Chelsea* I've always suffered with goodbyes. With friends and associates but extremely with partners I've been in love with...I have never ended a relationship*

    May have something to do with being abandoned at birth and then being adopted by good but emotionally unavailable parents*

    Takes a long time to let go of someone you love or once loved, but time works it's magic and life moves on and we eventually readjust to our new day to day reality*

    ((Hugs))

    Carus*

  9. #7
    Bronze Member Chelsea54's Avatar
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    Thank you Carus.
    My parents also were emotionally distant and I grew up not really sure if they loved me but I do remember my mother being very shy and embarrassed to tell me she loved me once when I was a kid. Turns out I was unexpected, and they lived me, but whatever their problem was with showing it, I make sure is not repeated with my own children. Their father and I come from that same point of view to show as much love to them as possible cause we both felt abandoned growing up. But giving all your love to the kids doesn’t make for a good marriage. So he is an ex, and was able to put a few labels in him, one was textbook narcissist. My mother is one as well. So, I do chase love, approval, feel like I need to work for it, might never deserve it, and don’t trust love that is freely offered to me. That is how it has been, and I’m trying to break out of that.
    I have broken up with people before, but it was only after they’d done me so wrong I couldn’t see a path back to making myself believe they were right for me.
    I fully resist breaking relationships. When I think of how being in a bad relationship models expectations to my children, it gives me motivation to make changes to support myself.


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