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Thread: Being in love with your boss who also has a girlfriend

  1. #1

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    Being in love with your boss who also has a girlfriend

    So, I am in love with my boss who also has a girlfriend who he lives with. They started living together about 5-6 months ago. It's a long story how it all started between us and what happened, but the situation right now is that I am in love with him and he is in love with me, but he simply can't break up with his girlfriend because he also doesn't want to hurt her, and it's complicated because they live together, so if he breaks up, she will basically be homeless. He told me multiple times that he wants to be with me and he wants to break up with her, but he says it will take time. I'm very patient, but I am also getting hurt at this point. What do I do? Help. :)

  2. #2
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    You need to dump the boss for the sake of your job. He is telling you a big lie that he "doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend" because if he didn't, he would not be fooling around are you. What kind of woman are you to be stabbing another woman in the back like that? If this guy is your boss, he makes more than you an its a crock that he will be homeless if he leaves. If he does leave her for you, he has already had on full display that he will stab YOU in the back

  3. #3
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Thing is, he's already hurt her, multiple times. She just hasn't caught up yet.

    I'm really sorry you're hurting, but we have to talk about a couple things.

    First, one must wonder what type of man would cheat on a woman he just moved in with months ago, and keep both women hanging on with no clear destination in sight for either of them. If I understand you correctly he has neither plan nor proof that he is truly going to break up with her. This is worrisome. It's worrisome for this woman who trusts him obviously, but it's also worrisome for you. If you ended up to be in a relationship with him, how would you know if he cheated on you as well? You'd never know it either, judging from how this woman probably doesn't know yet. He's probably telling her sweet words right now, just as he would tell to you. How would you know the difference between his words and reality if you're already believing him now?

    To add to what his character looks like to us on these forums: He is breaking his live-in girlfriend's trust, but doesn't want to do the right thing by breaking up with her because he doesn't want to hurt her or make her homeless? NOW he's concerned about her feelings? I hope you're starting to see that these things don't add up. He is no prize, which may be hard for you to see because of your love for him.

    Second, words do little and actions mean everything. He tells you he loves you and that he is making plans. Great. In the meantime, what is he showing you with his actions? I'll give you a hint by reminding you of something you said:

    I'm very patient, but I am also getting hurt at this point. What do I do? Help.
    I'll ask again. What is he showing you with his actions? He's showing you that he doesn't mind being intimate with you and also that you're not enough of a priority to set everything up so you can be a proper couple. He tells you sweet things, but words are cheap. There are no immediate consequences for lying to someone. And I know that you don't think he is lying but again, look at the end result anytime you doubt things.

    I'm sorry again that you are hurting. I have been there before which is why I can advise on such things. I say that you take a step back from this relationship until he does what he should have done in the first place - show respect to both you and her by ending their relationship so that he can be with you in a proper manner, in a manner that will give you an actual future with him. It's complicated for him because he lives with her, doesn't want to hurt her feelings, or make her homeless? Well, he's a big boy - a big enough boy to cheat on his GF. In real life, in the adult world, we have to deal with the consequences of the actions we choose to take. These are his consequences. You need to wake up to that fact.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    If he wanted to be with you, he would. He would make it happen. He won't break up with his live-in girlfriend, because why would he? He has a dual-income family now, with some nookie on the side.

    I know it doesn't seem as cut and dry as that, but it is. I've been in your situation (not my boss, but a coworker). It won't get better. He will continue to come up with reasons why he can't break it off with his gf, and you'll continue to get hurt.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You are seeing first hand how he is capable of treating women. The specifics of how it came to be do not matter. A man either has integrity or he hasn't. Your boss has no integrity. The truth is in his actions. He is a liar and a cheater and you are enabling him to backstab his girlfriend. If you make the mistake to stick around, at best you will take her place of being lied to and cheated on down the line. The man has shown you who he is. If you stick around, it will be an informed choice and you loose all right to whine about him backstabbing you down the line. Your choice.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    So he is a cheater, what a catch.

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    Are you sure she is just his "girlfriend" and not his wife?

    This bs about her being homeless if they break up is just that, a huge load of bs. My guess is he's married, may even have kids.

    That's why he can't just ask her to leave, why it's "complicated" and why he said "it will take time." Which is also a lie -- he has no intention of ever leaving.

    He's a liar and a cheater; my advice is ask yourself why or how you could be "in love" with someone like this, and second, wake up from this fairytale you're living in, face reality, end it, and find a new job.

    Seriously, this guy is the absolute bottom of the barrel, you can't get much lower.

    Lesson learned and vow to never allow yourself to be duped like this again.

    Sorry. :(
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-27-2019 at 01:40 PM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Every cheater finds an excuse to not leave the girlfriend and keep the sidepiece. I bet my money he also tells you that he's miserable with her and that they never have sex. What makes you think he wouldn't cheat on you either if you were his girlfriend?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    End things with him, he's stringing you along. Also consider filing sexual harassment charges, since this is your boss.
    Originally Posted by MeDaMeda
    So, I am in love with my boss who also has a girlfriend who he lives with.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by MeDaMeda
    ...that I am in love with him and he is in love with me,
    What you think is love is just infatuation.

    He thinks neither, just cheap loveless sex.

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