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Thread: Another Dog Situation

  1. #21
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Our dogs will live outside with the livestock. In a more residential setting, my grandma has always adopted a few dogs at a time who spend most the day outside, but they also have each other to socialize with. She did let them in a fair bit, though. I don't think the concept on its own is terrible. But dogs are social animals, so I wouldn't just stash one in the yard on their own, both for their sake and the inevitable lawsuit that's going to be when a kid jumps the fence.

  2. #22
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    I've been recently watching the show "It's Me or the Dog". I recommend it for learning some of the basics in training your dog. They go over topics such as establishing the owners as the head of the pack, sound adversion techniques, stopping aggressive behaviors, leash training, food incentives for positive reinforcement, etc. Implementing consistent training inside the house as well can give you great results.

    I doubt your wife will surrender the dog now that you have it. This should have been a mutual decision in the first place and should have been the hill you died on, stance wise, instead of placading your wife. Let go of the resentment; what's done is done and constant training is the next step. The little guy doesn't deserve to be abandoned and your situation can be so much better if you two work at this more effectively.

  3. #23
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Not long ago, my husband and I got a 10 weeks Australian Shepherd (about two months ago) and for a good month we fought constantly... My husband and I have different personalities, made me saw how different our 'parenting style' are. Since we got married we have been wanting a dog and we kept disagreeing to which dog we wanted and this was the only breed we agreed on. High energy, highly intelligent, natural leader (aka alpha personality), stubborn and oh did I mentioned high energy?

    Any way my husband believes that the puppy will outgrow his "puppy behaviors" and all we need to do is scold and "pop" the puppy snout when he does something wrong. Did that work? Nope. My husband also believes that rough-house playing with the puppy was ok because that's what puppies do with each other. However that sure didn't stop the puppy from biting the crap out of him. So when he had to be away for work for 3 weeks in Arizona, I told him I was going to train the dog my way. My husband wanted to take the puppy with him but since the puppy had giardia, he did not want to clean up the constant diarrhea.

    Fast forward two weeks... puppy still needs work with mouthing my husband and anyone he thinks want to rough-house with him...and he still gets easily distracted with movement and sound when you tell him a command. But here are the small victories - he is now fully potty training, fully crate trained, stops barking when I say quiet, knows his name, knows to go time-out by himself, stopped chewing furnitures and yes he stopped licking his own poo. Did my husband help with any training? Nope. My husband believes all dogs outgrow their puppy behaviors. I can't really fault him since he grew up with dogs his whole life (have lived with 15 dogs). But I am 100 percent sure none of the dogs ever listened to him. My husband wears his heart on his sleeves and so, its also how the way he's with dogs too - all love, no discipline (for instance, my husband has been home this week and still gets bitten when he tells the puppy No and then I say No the puppy stops, and my husband rolls his eyes and wonders why it doesn't work for him.)

    You and your wife just need to figure out a plan if your both willing to provide a consistent structure for your dog... the details in to that structure may vary between you two but sit down together. Because what worked for me, was making it a routine for the puppy to know he has a schedule. Once he has a schedule, gets enough daily play/exercises, take him dog parks regularly, and you teach him commands and provide discipline every day, they slowly process right/wrong behaviors. They are intuitive but they may not process logic like us, so it's our job as pet owners to show them consequences when they do or act wrong. I had to constantly turn my dog to the wall every time he barked back at me (always want last word) and every time he chose not to sit... took ton of patience and willing to get nipped and bit for him to see I wasn't backing down. Well now he knows when I say time-out, he runs straight to that wall and mull. The thing is... it takes a lot of effort to train and raise a puppy so you really need to ask yourself, are you willing to put those hours in and see improvement in your marriage?

  4. #24
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    Undisciplined dog owners end up with undisciplined dogs. Add in having an owner not all in? Makes for a terrible home life and an unhappy, undisciplined dog.

    I vote for rehoming the dog and being firm about not wanting a pet. If that costs your marriage? Then so be it.

    A spouse who ignores the wishes of someone who does not want that responsibility and full-on impact of having a dog, is wanting pets more than the marriage. Complicate that with not properly training the dog despite their professed "love" of dogs?

    I love dogs, I've had four of them. Three were great pets. wonderful, easy to train. The fourth one? A holy terror. In two years it destroyed the yard, ruined furniture, harassed children, the whole gauntlet of bad behavior. Nobody who wanted the dog in the house had the time, understanding, or patience to turn the dog into a civilized part of the house. We're not talking small children who want a pet as a toy. Teens and adults.

    So we had to rehome the dog for someone who could.

    And, I plan on not having any more dogs in the house.

    Thee was a lot of pushback about my horrible decision. I keep reminding them of the broken promises about the dog. When I was doing all the maintenance, poo cleanup, exercising (and I'm the one with cancer, btw), and none of them were? I'm not repeating that experiment.

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  6. #25
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    Thanks for the responses.

    A good mix of valid constructive suggestions and entertaining hand wringing and presumptions/long drawn conclusions. I'm sure you can all figure out where your own comments fit.

    I take the point that expert training advice /assistance is going to be needed. Wife has been working hard on this but kids tend to be pretty effective un-trainers. I try to avoid the dog in general but when I can't I'm conscious of reinforcing the rules calmly (with varying levels of success).

    Be clear on this - I don't actually hate the dog as an entity. I'm resentful of the additional stress, chaos and responsibility he represents in my life. I don't need it. I have more than enough already thanks very much.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    I vote for rehoming the dog and being firm about not wanting a pet. If that costs your marriage? Then so be it.

    A spouse who ignores the wishes of someone who does not want that responsibility and full-on impact of having a dog, is wanting pets more than the marriage.
    I actually agree with both these points completely. If your puppy is still a puppy, it's a prime time to rehome it with minimal trauma and with as much opportunity as it can have at this point to be trained by more competent, willing, and loving owners. Note my biggest gripe isn't that you're doing a bad job with the dog you wanted nothing to do with, but that you weren't willing to put your foot down absolutely. The dog is still young, so I don't think it's too late to redeem yourself there.

    And for all the **** anyone can give you (myself included), fact is she wanted to dog knowing full-well your opinion. This isn't her picking her taste in music to play over the speakers. This is asking you not only to tolerate a very intrusive physical presence in your home, but to play a very active hand in being responsible for it. And, being honest, to what benefit? Doesn't sound like it's a working dog by any stretch. Going by the fact she originally wanted a poodle for non-functional purposes, she just wants a living creature to serve as her entertainment and, on a very base level, at the expense of her husband's sensibilities.

    You're within your own rights as well as those of the innocent dog's to assert the sheer fact his household isn't a suitable environment for it.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    ...fact is she wanted to dog knowing full-well your opinion. This isn't her picking her taste in music to play over the speakers. This is asking you not only to tolerate a very intrusive physical presence in your home, but to play a very active hand in being responsible for it. And, being honest, to what benefit? Doesn't sound like it's a working dog by any stretch. Going by the fact she originally wanted a poodle for non-functional purposes, she just wants a living creature to serve as her entertainment and, on a very base level, at the expense of her husband's sensibilities. ...
    This, in bold! A lot of dog owners just want a doll.

  9. #28
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    My 14 year old Golden Retriever recently passed away but the difference is, she was a saint, calm, quiet and extremely well behaved. I'm a dog lover but even though I miss her immensely, I don't miss the added responsibilities for 14 years. The break is wonderful albeit lonely. I only feel this way because she was a gem. She earned her keep plus went above and beyond with her exemplary behavior. She was of 'Guide Dog' status and extremely intelligent like no other.

    As for your dog, I suggest dog training. Take dog training classes or hire a professional dog trainer to correct your dog's behavioral problems. Always remain consistent with training.

    Neglected dogs misbehave so spend more time with your dog, take the dog for walks both morning and evening. Dogs force you to exercise, become active and healthy. Dogs improve your cardiovascular health. Keep your dog clean. Brush his teeth after dinner daily, bathe him twice a month or every 2 weeks, clean his ears, wipe his derriere daily and keep him clean after he poops, wash his paws upon entry to the house so he doesn't track outside dirt and bacteria indoors. Hose the lawn after he poops to keep the grass clean and so he won't track in odor and bacteria. Give him chew toys or veterinarian approved chews. A lot of times dogs are naughty because they don't receive enough positive attention and positive reinforcement.

    Also, keep a calm, peaceful, quiet, non-confrontational household because a dog will reflect the household's chaos or lack thereof.

    Socialize your dog with other dogs. It sounds like your dog is bored and stir crazy.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by LootieTootie
    Not long ago, my husband and I got a 10 weeks Australian Shepherd (about two months ago) and for a good month we fought constantly... My husband and I have different personalities, made me saw how different our 'parenting style' are. Since we got married we have been wanting a dog and we kept disagreeing to which dog we wanted and this was the only breed we agreed on. High energy, highly intelligent, natural leader (aka alpha personality), stubborn and oh did I mentioned high energy?

    Any way my husband believes that the puppy will outgrow his "puppy behaviors" and all we need to do is scold and "pop" the puppy snout when he does something wrong. Did that work? Nope. My husband also believes that rough-house playing with the puppy was ok because that's what puppies do with each other. However that sure didn't stop the puppy from biting the crap out of him. So when he had to be away for work for 3 weeks in Arizona, I told him I was going to train the dog my way. My husband wanted to take the puppy with him but since the puppy had giardia, he did not want to clean up the constant diarrhea.

    Fast forward two weeks... puppy still needs work with mouthing my husband and anyone he thinks want to rough-house with him...and he still gets easily distracted with movement and sound when you tell him a command. But here are the small victories - he is now fully potty training, fully crate trained, stops barking when I say quiet, knows his name, knows to go time-out by himself, stopped chewing furnitures and yes he stopped licking his own poo. Did my husband help with any training? Nope. My husband believes all dogs outgrow their puppy behaviors. I can't really fault him since he grew up with dogs his whole life (have lived with 15 dogs). But I am 100 percent sure none of the dogs ever listened to him. My husband wears his heart on his sleeves and so, its also how the way he's with dogs too - all love, no discipline (for instance, my husband has been home this week and still gets bitten when he tells the puppy No and then I say No the puppy stops, and my husband rolls his eyes and wonders why it doesn't work for him.)

    You and your wife just need to figure out a plan if your both willing to provide a consistent structure for your dog... the details in to that structure may vary between you two but sit down together. Because what worked for me, was making it a routine for the puppy to know he has a schedule. Once he has a schedule, gets enough daily play/exercises, take him dog parks regularly, and you teach him commands and provide discipline every day, they slowly process right/wrong behaviors. They are intuitive but they may not process logic like us, so it's our job as pet owners to show them consequences when they do or act wrong. I had to constantly turn my dog to the wall every time he barked back at me (always want last word) and every time he chose not to sit... took ton of patience and willing to get nipped and bit for him to see I wasn't backing down. Well now he knows when I say time-out, he runs straight to that wall and mull. The thing is... it takes a lot of effort to train and raise a puppy so you really need to ask yourself, are you willing to put those hours in and see improvement in your marriage?
    Good for you!

  11. #30
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Rehome the dog.

    Nobody can responsibly advise you to keep a canine your wife is completely inept at training and you want nothing to do with. One of my biggest rules is to not let an animal suffer. It will with your household. Grow a pair and put your foot down. She wants to make having a toy as a pet an issue of life or death for the marriage, I'll be completely honest. Every one between you as the husband or the children are most likely better off without her as a full-time presence. Hoping both she and you will do the right thing.

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