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Thread: Getting Walked on By an Aggressive Panhandler

  1. #1
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    Getting Walked on By an Aggressive Panhandler

    I was at the grocery store today and a man came up to me while the checker was ringing me up. He sat a beer can on the pay counter and says "hey man, you got that for me, right?"
    It was a stunning thing that I had just witnessed: someone so shameless and disrespectful would not only think to do this, but actually attempt it. I really thought he was playing a joke, which I truly thought was a cruel one for my tastes. I'm the type to really go out of my way to mind my own business, but there are different people in this world.
    So as I'm frozen, he doesn't relent and the checker doesn't know what to do. I proceed to pay for my stuff so that the checker won't have any trouble and hoping that I can just walk away from this weird event.
    And quickly he gives me the sob story - I know it's BS - but, I actually did buy it for him. Last minute, I couldn't believe that I would stoop so low as to reward his poor life decisions and shamelessness, all for what? Beer?
    There are far more righteous causes that I work to avoid giving to because I really don't have the money: even with the cash I've saved I'm $60K in the red. And here I am giving away mony just because I'm afraid of conflict.
    I read all the alpha male resources, I try to stay in my own lane and this crap follows me and I completely drop-the-ball in standing up for myself. I could blame the environment (I know I don't want to visit that store ever again), I could blame the town in which I live (I'm sick of the place anyway), but even if I do leave (which I hope to do very soon), I'm not supposed to let stuff like this happen. How do I deal with events like these? Is there a "chump vibe" that I keep giving off?
    Compliance like this can be a deadly thing. What the hell is wrong with me?
    Should I contact the store manager to explain what happened and at least alert other shoppers what's been going on?

  2. #2
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Stop being so hard on yourself about this. It's not the end of the world. You can't undo the past. You bought a beer for the guy and that's that. In the future, stand your ground and learn to say, "NO." Don't be afraid to speak up. Don't cave. Don't blame the town, grocery store or any place where you run your errands. There is nothing wrong with you. No, don't contact the store manager nor explain anything. No, don't have the manager alert other shoppers. Other shoppers have a voice and will use it. They know how to say, "NO." Practice declining and have no fear. No one will kill you for saying "NO" to buying a beer.

    In the past, I was soft, too. Over time, I've learned to be tough and strong as will you. It takes practice. I was once a doormat. Not anymore. I never allow anyone to take advantage of me.

    You are not a chump. Stand your ground and with practice you will get better and grow more confident to say "NO" and really mean it. You'l be ok, JayR.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Next time do that immediately at the time so they can usher the guy out.
    Originally Posted by JayR
    Should I contact the store manager

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by JayR
    I was at the grocery store today and a man came up to me while the checker was ringing me up. He sat a beer can on the pay counter and says "hey man, you got that for me, right?"
    It was a stunning thing that I had just witnessed: someone so shameless and disrespectful would not only think to do this, but actually attempt it. I really thought he was playing a joke, which I truly thought was a cruel one for my tastes. I'm the type to really go out of my way to mind my own business, but there are different people in this world.
    So as I'm frozen, he doesn't relent and the checker doesn't know what to do. I proceed to pay for my stuff so that the checker won't have any trouble and hoping that I can just walk away from this weird event.
    And quickly he gives me the sob story - I know it's BS - but, I actually did buy it for him. Last minute, I couldn't believe that I would stoop so low as to reward his poor life decisions and shamelessness, all for what? Beer?
    There are far more righteous causes that I work to avoid giving to because I really don't have the money: even with the cash I've saved I'm $60K in the red. And here I am giving away mony just because I'm afraid of conflict.
    I read all the alpha male resources, I try to stay in my own lane and this crap follows me and I completely drop-the-ball in standing up for myself. I could blame the environment (I know I don't want to visit that store ever again), I could blame the town in which I live (I'm sick of the place anyway), but even if I do leave (which I hope to do very soon), I'm not supposed to let stuff like this happen. How do I deal with events like these? Is there a "chump vibe" that I keep giving off?
    Compliance like this can be a deadly thing. What the hell is wrong with me?
    Should I contact the store manager to explain what happened and at least alert other shoppers what's been going on?
    He might be shameless or disrespectful in your eyes.
    But he never thought he would end up there.
    Maybe as little as a couple years ago he was married with kids ?
    Why didnít you ask him if he was ok?
    Why are you afraid of people in need?
    Yes sure he wanted a beer? But you have no idea of the plight he has gone through.

    Next to my work is a hospital for the mentally ill.
    They cone asking for cigarettes etc which most people decline to give.
    But they suffer from an illness.

    Be kind! If you canít afford it then simply say so.

  5.  

  6. #5
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    You are taking this one isolated episode awfully hard, which usually indicates there's a lot of built-up resentment over other things.

    Could you have said no? Sure. But is your compliance necessarily a reflection of an overall weak character or personality flaw? No.

    I would challenge you to think about what this event triggered in you, and why. I doubt your self-loathing is connected to just this incident. What else has been going on that has you feeling so low?

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Jay, why exactly did you feel pressured to buy this bum a beer? Do you give off vibes of being an easy target? You need to stand your ground and not let people take advantage of you.

    When he said, "You got this, right?" you should have just smiled at him and said, "No I don't" and proceeded with your purchase. If he continued to press the matter, you could threaten to call the police.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by JayR
    I was at the grocery store today and a man came up to me while the checker was ringing me up. He sat a beer can on the pay counter and says "hey man, you got that for me, right?"
    It was a stunning thing that I had just witnessed: someone so shameless and disrespectful would not only think to do this, but actually attempt it. I really thought he was playing a joke, which I truly thought was a cruel one for my tastes. I'm the type to really go out of my way to mind my own business, but there are different people in this world.
    So as I'm frozen, he doesn't relent and the checker doesn't know what to do. I proceed to pay for my stuff so that the checker won't have any trouble and hoping that I can just walk away from this weird event.
    And quickly he gives me the sob story - I know it's BS - but, I actually did buy it for him. Last minute, I couldn't believe that I would stoop so low as to reward his poor life decisions and shamelessness, all for what? Beer?
    There are far more righteous causes that I work to avoid giving to because I really don't have the money: even with the cash I've saved I'm $60K in the red. And here I am giving away mony just because I'm afraid of conflict.
    I read all the alpha male resources, I try to stay in my own lane and this crap follows me and I completely drop-the-ball in standing up for myself. I could blame the environment (I know I don't want to visit that store ever again), I could blame the town in which I live (I'm sick of the place anyway), but even if I do leave (which I hope to do very soon), I'm not supposed to let stuff like this happen. How do I deal with events like these? Is there a "chump vibe" that I keep giving off?
    Compliance like this can be a deadly thing. What the hell is wrong with me?
    Should I contact the store manager to explain what happened and at least alert other shoppers what's been going on?
    I cannot believe that you are so upset regarding the situation. All you had to say is NO.

    Dude, this is not a big deal! If this is the worst of your problems, you are doing really well! This scenario happens to me at least once a day.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    He might be shameless or disrespectful in your eyes.
    But he never thought he would end up there.
    Maybe as little as a couple years ago he was married with kids ?
    Why didnít you ask him if he was ok?
    Why are you afraid of people in need?
    Yes sure he wanted a beer? But you have no idea of the plight he has gone through.

    Next to my work is a hospital for the mentally ill.
    They cone asking for cigarettes etc which most people decline to give.
    But they suffer from an illness.

    Be kind! If you canít afford it then simply say so.
    Many are suffering from a mental illness due to a drug addiction.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I cannot believe that you are so upset regarding the situation. All you had to say is NO.

    Dude, this is not a big deal! If this is the worst of your problems, you are doing really well! This scenario happens to me at least once a day.
    Agree.Save your kindness for the little old lady (or old man) who looks like she is buying just absolute necessities and is 2 dollars short and needs to put things back - their smile disappears when they search every pocket. Or someone who is using a WIC card for their baby and is short on one or 2 things that are fruits/veggies or baby needs.

  11. #10
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    [dear admin, please remove]

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