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This Is Just So Sad :(


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Hi guys, I feel close to many of y'all so basically posting this to get my feelings out and for support.

 

As many of you know, my brother has terminal cancer and will most likely not last the year; he's not doing well at all, so it may be sooner (tears).

 

He and my SIL decided about six months ago to have a child (their first) mostly for my SIL, so she would have someone to have and to hold, to love, a part of her husband.

 

About 10 weeks ago they got pregnant, yay! Twins!!! A boy and girl. They (we) were all very excited!

 

Well, on Friday they went to a doctor appt, she felt fine, no pain at all.

 

The doctor examined the babies, and the babies' little hearts had stopped beating, they were both gone.

 

My SIL still feels no pain, no duress, but the dead fetus's are still inside her; I would have thought she would have naturally aborted, but the doctor advised that could take weeks or even months and is very painful.

 

So she is having the procedure next Tuesday.

 

This is just the saddest thing ever! I'm trying staying strong for my SIL (not easy), I cannot even imagine what she must be going through.

 

Losing her husband (my dear brother) so young and now her little twins.

 

I don't know how much death one is supposed to be able to handle; I lost both my parents in 2014, they were both still relatively young, my brother will be gone soon, and now these precious little beings.

 

Not looking for sympathy, but I am struggling. My bf has been very supportive, he and I are driving up today, and I will accompany her to the procedure since my brother is currently too sick.

 

Anyway, thnx for listening, it helps just talking, getting my feelings out, and any words of wisdom you can provide to help us through would be appreciated.

 

Thanks guys.

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So sorry you are having troubled times. I know with death there is confusion and guilt. I have a sense you feel like you don't want to burden those around you with how you are feeling so you come here to unload. I get it, I went through the same thing. I didn't accept the counseling I was offered and I should have. I would suggest a grief counselor to give you some release, and feel better.

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My heart is really breaking for you Katrina, and feeling for you. And for your brother and his wife.

 

I don't have a word of wisdom to offer here, as death is just about the hardest thing we have to process in life.

 

Anytime you need to express your feelings—and anytime you need sympathy, because it is okay to need some—I'm here to listen.

 

All the hugs, all the hearts.

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Oh Kat, I am so sorry. I'm sending you and your brother and your SIL so much love.

You are an amazing sister and support. Please know we are all here to listen whenever you want or need.

It brought tears reading your post. The love for those little twins comes through so strongly. They were so wanted and loved! I am just so terribly sorry for this loss.

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I have been thinking about you the other day, remembering that you too lost your parents at a young age.

 

I relate to the question of how much death one can handle. I have buried my everyone, family and others.

 

For me, what was helpful, in a weird way- but still helpful- was accepting it as part of the "meaning" in my life. I was there in the last moments for many of them, for some through the entire journey, so I felt like I was escorting them to the brink of life. Put that way, it's an honor. It shows a glimpse of reverence behind the loss, and for me, that makes the loss easier to integrate into my experience here.

 

I know a history professor who told me about how Egyptian pharaohs were kept in close connection with death in this and that way, about death being part of their daily lives, and I think (don't quote me), rituals/rites they were subjected to in order to know death up close. It makes sense- who better to rule over life, than him who has seen it from its threshold?

 

I don't know what special purpose your own many loses have for you, but you are inquisitive and open minded, with enough of a sunny disposition to not wither in the face of such challenges- and I think that may be what makes you "the right person" to be acquainted with transience. There's a profound wisdom to it I'm sure, that's being revealed to you because you have the capacity to bear such a "gift", if that makes sense.

 

I'm truly sorry for the loss both you and SIL are experiencing. It takes something huge to bear them with love and compassion, and you possess it.

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I just don't know what to sat, Kat. So much anguish and heartbreak. Life is just not fair at times. Wish I could take some of your pain away and that of your SIL and brother. I am so very very sorry that you and your family are going through this. Wish there was some way that I could help. Please try and stay strong. Sending you big hugs. xx

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Wow, just had a chance to read all your responses, a bit overwhelmed tbh; thank you all so much for your kind words of support, sincerely.

 

My brother and SIL are doing surprisingly well considering; my SIL is so strong! Same for my brother, still in good spirits despite his diagnosis and now this loss.

 

And surprisingly not in any pain, despite the tumors in his liver, stomach and lungs,,etc.. He's very very weak though, it's difficult seeing him, but I'm staying strong or trying to.

 

Anyway, thank you all again so much, this forum gets a bit of flack sometimes for being harsh, but boy you all have hearts of gold! xx

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