Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 31

Thread: She broke up with me over something I did wrong. Feeling awful about it.

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    10
    If she wanted out then that is very harsh and confusing for me. I was always good to her. Helped her move out recently. She would call me after work and weíd have such good chats on the phone. Weíd text a lot too and we got on very well.

    She did take a few days before she said anything. Acted normal with me. Like an hour before she broke up with me over text I asked her what she was having for dinner and she responded normally.

    I think I am still in shock at the sudden break up. Some people have said to me she might be a sexual abuse victim and that is why she reacted like this. Would explain the rough sex too. I literally just woke up. Gently touched her down there for a few minutes and then stopped when no reaction happened. She never said anything at the time. If she had said stop I would of done.

    Sorry I know this is clear to everyone else but me. Iím just sad at how things ended.

  2. #12
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    494
    Gender
    Male
    Look, you are a man trying to work out things logically as we men tend to do but in love there is no logic.

    She has issues external to you and they existed before you ever met. What they are exactly no one knows but she will need a professional to help her with them.

    You are going through this stage of a break up where we take blame for things going wrong and then try pleading reasoning and bargaining with ourselves and them but simply she was no longer in love with you and was waiting for you to make a mistake so she could end it without feeling guilty.


    Go easy on yourself and take it slow and things will start to get better.

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    10
    I wonít lie trying to work all this out is mentally exhausting. I donít understand how you could just drop someone like that. I couldnít do it.

    Yeah there are definitely issues here. I remember last year she had some wrist cast on and the reason was to hide all the cuts up her arm. I didnít think much of it at the time but later worked it out. When she got back in contact with me again this year she said her mental health was back to a good place and she felt ready for a relationship.
    She stopped taking her anti depressents late March/early April.

    Yeah I really tried to reason and plead with her but she wasnít having it at all. Concerned about the she would rather I cheat on her comment. Suggests to me she thinks cheating is an ok thing. That is the ultimate trust betrayal to me.

    If she was waiting for me to slip up then that explains why she waited a few days to say anything. She must of been thinking about it and decided that was the thing to use against me.
    Totally normal with me the day before. Called me as usual and we were making plans for that Friday.

    People have said she has blocked me on Facebook and Snapchat because they are public but she wonít block me on Whatsapp because no one will know she still has me on there. They think sheíll contact me when she needs something.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,749
    Originally Posted by MrWobblyTickle
    I wonít lie trying to work all this out is mentally exhausting. I donít understand how you could just drop someone like that. I couldnít do it.
    Right, but you aren't her. You don't have the same issues she does. You don't see the world the same way she does.

    A big mistake we humans tend to make is applying our own thought patterns to other people. We assume others will or should act the same way we do, but it doesn't work like that. Sometimes, sure, our and other's behaviour line up. But we can't hold ourselves as the measuring stick for anyone's actions but our own.

    In time, you will see that this wasn't the awesome relationship you still believe it was.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    10
    Iíve just seen she is on Plenty Of Fish again seeking a relationship and a man. Says she is looking for someone to chill with. She then blocked me on Whatsapp and Plenty of Fish. This morning I wasnít blocked on WhatsApp. As soon as I saw her POF profile I was blocked on Whatsapp.

    Iím devestated. She is looking for a new man already and has now completely blocked me out her life. I hate myself for what I did.

  7. #16
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    494
    Gender
    Male
    Don't. You've done nothing to hate yourself for. You made a mistake but that isnt why she dumped you. SHe dumped you because she was always going to dump you.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,749
    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Don't. You've done nothing to hate yourself for. You made a mistake but that isnt why she dumped you. SHe dumped you because she was always going to dump you.
    Yes, exactly.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    2,079
    Originally Posted by MrWobblyTickle
    Iíve just seen she is on Plenty Of Fish again seeking a relationship and a man. Says she is looking for someone to chill with. She then blocked me on Whatsapp and Plenty of Fish. This morning I wasnít blocked on WhatsApp. As soon as I saw her POF profile I was blocked on Whatsapp.

    Iím devestated. She is looking for a new man already and has now completely blocked me out her life. I hate myself for what I did.
    The relationship is over because she chose to end it. Not because of what you did. While it is worth learning to perhaps be more clear on where the boundaries are for intimacy (which clearly was not a conversation that was going to happen in this volatile mess), you usually can't take a dumpers reasoning at face value. You can keep pulling that thread as long as you want - "how could I have prevented this from ending?" - you can never be sure you have the right solution. And if you solve the puzzle, what can you do about it anyway? She's moved on.

    If she is able to move on this quick, she was never going to stick around. You can be sure of that. If it wasn't feeling her up in the morning, there would have been some other excuse. I mean, she already used "I'm gay."

    She's not looking for a new man for a relationship. She's looking for a new sex toy because she could see that you were getting attached. Which is not what she wants. (I'll bet if you read between the lines she told you as much)

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,103
    Gender
    Male
    She told you exactly what you wanted to hear. She already had it in her mind that she wanted nothing to do with you in the long run and was looking for any excuse to end it. And be honest with yourself, if it wasn't one excuse it would of been a matter of time she found another one. This relationship was based on sex, she got what she wanted and then moved on. It was nothing you did.

    What you are doing is holding on to anything. So you are holding on thinking that you two shared the same values or views on the future and/or family but she was saying whatever it took to keep you interested enough to get what she wanted. No doubt in my mind you were not the first and you are not the last. She is good at what she does.

    So you must take everything she said and throw it out the window because it doesn't matter anymore. Also I would suggest to purge her from your life. Get rid of everything, all emails, messages, those pictures she sent you and delete them and begin to move on. There is someone out there for you, but to find her, you must put the past behind you.

  11. #20
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    10
    Hey all thank you for all your reaponses to this. I have an update.

    Yesterday after I saw her on POF and that I had been blocked on Whatsapp we had a back and forth over text. She said she was on POF to cancel a subscription and doesnít want to date at the moment. The profile did look fairly new though but she said she can show me her bank statements if I want proof.

    I got out everything I wanted to say and was mad at her. She then came back at me in a very apologetic way and said I deserve better and she is sorry for what she has done. We then agreed to talk on the phone.

    We actually talked about what happened. Actually talked. She said her issue is she runs when something goes wrong and doesnít talk. She just ran from me. Turns out she has had a traumatic past with men and that is why she overreacted. It brought out a hidden trauma in her. She has been angry at me and been saying some nasty things about me to her friends and family but she said she didnít mean any of it because she was just angry.

    We discussed me having another chance and us maybe giving things another go. She is just wondering how her friends and family will feel about that but I have said it doesnít matter as long as we want to be together. I will just have some making up to do. We agreed this would not happen again. She said she misses me and loves me and she has never met anyone she clicks so well with. Iím going to her place Saturday to see how we get on face to face.

    A hell of a one eighty I know. Iím shocked that me saying it how it is made her pause and realise she has over reacted. It is my action and her reaction that is the issue here. So we might get back together but it may be met with some opposition. Weíre talking again on Whatsapp and getting on well.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •