Boyfriends and festivals?

My boyfriend goes to a lot of festivals over the summer period, I do too BUT when he goes to 5 day festivals with just his friends, I always find myself missing him a lot and wanting to talk to him, I then find myself getting upset and feeling like he doesn’t care if the way I feel doesn’t seem reciprocated. I think I’m probably being silly but I know if the shoe was on the other foot I’d be missing him a lot and be making the effort to tell him that and talk to him. It makes me feel kind of irrelevant when he’s at these festivals. I do give him space to enjoy himself, not speaking for hours and barely talking at all really but I guess I get a bit hurt when it seems he has better things to do and doesn’t seem fussed about checking in on me!

Opinions?

You give him space by 'not speaking for hours'????

No, giving him space means that you don't talk to him for the entire 5 day festival because he's having a good time and doesn't want to check in with you several times a day.

Do you trust him? Does he show you affection when you're together?

Hmmmmmmm......... five days at a festival isn't a very long time.........but for a young person, it can be......it's all relative. Healthy space can be a good thing. Maybe you should be thankful he's busy having clean fun and not cheating, or something else bad. Some couples have real problems.

Also keep in mind that relationships are built on dates/face-to-face time......while some people like calls and texts, they are not a requirement. Your mileage may vary.

Is this really about "boyfriends and festivals?"

Two months ago you were so upset about his female friends, and the way he interacts with them, that you were snooping through his phone. Now you find yourself spinning around if you don't hear from him for "a few hours," probably because you end up imagining him at the festival interacting with women in a way that would make you uncomfortable.

You broke up for a long stretch, got back together, but it seems that his being involved with someone else during that time—along with his flirty nature—has been too much to overcome. That's okay. Some people can easily move forward in those shoes, some cannot. And, of course, part of what makes it easy to move forward is when your gut just knows this person is 100 percent into you.

Your gut is telling you something else. I'd respect your own intuition rather than try to keep suppressing it. That's what makes you feel "crazy" and, in the case of snooping, act a little crazy. Not good.

I don't have a thermometer to gauge your boyfriend's feelings for you—how pure is love is, how much he misses you. But from your posts its clear you're in a relationship where you doubt his feelings more than trust them. I'd listen to that—to your voice—rather than keep twisting around to mute it.

You sound very insecure and like you have no life.

Do you have any friends?

Its somewhat understandable that you would miss your boyfriend having not seen or heard from him much for five days so I think missing him and wondering if he misses you are quite normal. The thing to do now is to reframe your thoughts away from thinking that just because he doesn't call you regularly when away having fun to something along the lines that he is fully engrossed in his vacation and will show you how much he missed you when he gets back, doesn't have friends listening to his every word and (very likely) ragging on him for being whipped by you.

I also think that the thing for you to do is to keep your mind and body busy during his time away and get engrossed in your own fun with friends and hobbies/interests. Maybe next time he is going to one of these things you book a get-away-with the girls so that you're not just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and spinning tales in your head that he's not pining away same as you... which is talking yourself into some sort of negative narrative about his lack of love for you.

Now, if when he comes back he doesn't show you how much he missed you, he doesn't ensures you of your value to him, well then it will be kinda clear that you are with the wrong guy.

I totally get your point of view, you don't feel like a priority in his life. BUT He's OK with not talking to his GF for days and you can't change that, he has to. Everyone is different in how they make things a priority. Now everyone is saying space is good.....well it varies and depends on what is acceptable to each person. This is where "compatibility" comes in. This is why we date/have relationships...to see if we are compatible. Obviously this is an issue with you, so you can do one of two things...communicate with him your expectations and see if he will comply, if he doesn't then you will just simply have to accept it if you want to be his GF. To some this can be a dealbreaker and the only answer to that is to breakup and find someone who isn't like this.

Me I dumped them, because I had different expectations of what I expected out of a BF and to me it's more than fair. Not everyone is going to give you a satisfying relationship. You simple find someone who does.

I do have a life and I do have friends. I was asking for people’s opinions regarding what I wrote. Does missing my boyfriend mean I have no life and no friends? Must do... Thanks for the constructive input Holly!

Thank you for all the responses.

Not speaking "for hours" sounds completely normal to me. I wouldn't even consider that as giving space.

How much contact do you expect, OP? That's a sincere question.

Also, as bluecastle points out, your rocky history together is inevitably influencing your sense of security in the relationship and trust in him. Being at a festival isn't really the issue in and of itself, though it's highlighting the existing problems between you two.

I do have a life and I do have friends. I was asking for people’s opinions regarding what I wrote. Does missing my boyfriend mean I have no life and no friends? Must do... Thanks for the constructive input Holly!

You see where your mind set is at? The only post you acknowledged was the one that didn't resonate with you instead of acknowledging the ones that actually did. Are you generally focused on things negative? Are you capable of seeing the positive most times or do you find comfort in falling into a Debbie Downer/defensive mindframe?

You and your boyfriend have different interests. While you enjoy some festivals, he enjoys a lot of festivals which stretch for days on end. This doesn't make for a sound boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

I remember when my husband was my boyfriend and after a long work week, we truly enjoyed being together with our various outings, dining out, hanging out together, socializing with friends together and relishing in each others company. I think you would enjoy the same. However, your boyfriend apparently does not.

One of these days you should question whether you can see yourself with your boyfriend for the long term. If his festival habits bother you, then obviously he's not for you. You should be with someone who is more compatible and someone who enjoys being with you on a regular, consistent basis.

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.