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considering marriage, something bothering me


AncientOne

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Considering marriage to this woman soon. She still has some old relationships that I consider poison. For example, she has done electrical work for some Indian business owners in town. Younger men 25 and 40. She will have telephone conversations with them that I find offensive and inappropriate. For example, she told them that she spent a night in the hospital with Bronchitis and their response was "did you suck too much d**k ?". The F bomb is also prominent during these conversations. She laughed it off and the conversation continued. I say they are disrespecting her by using this language. Should I marry this woman or slow things down ??

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Unfortunately, in business and work, sometimes you have to deal with idiots and put up with junk. The things we do for work! She didn't say a bad thing, the trailer-trash employer said it.

 

Short of getting a better job yourself so you can support her and keep her away from those schmucks, there's not much you can do? I would not worry about it too much, don't take it so seriously. I know, easy to say, but hard to do.

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I agree that sometimes you have to deal with idiots, but no one should have to put up with unwanted sexually explicit comments from anyone. Her laughing it off made the offender understand that she didn't mind it.

 

 

Sarah, I agree with your sentiments. Not sure if I should wait till this is resolved to proceed with our relationship.

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Unfortunately, in business and work, sometimes you have to deal with idiots and put up with junk. The things we do for work! She didn't say a bad thing, the trailer-trash employer said it.

 

Short of getting a better job yourself so you can support her and keep her away from those schmucks, there's not much you can do? I would not worry about it too much, don't take it so seriously. I know, easy to say, but hard to do.

 

I know, easy to say, but hard to do. Thanks Gary

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Rather than focus on "some old relationships that I consider poison" as being the issue I'd focus instead on how your girlfriend deals with what you think of as poisonous behavior and whether that works for you, whether that is something you can see being compatible with longterm.

 

If her mode of dealing with louche toolbags is to laugh it off—well, that's her mode. Works for her. You can have opinions and concerns about that—and, for the record, my options and concerns would be similar to yours—but it's not something you can change.

 

Do you tell her how hearing an exchange like that makes you feel?

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It depends. If you consider the way she speaks or writes appropriate, then marry her. If you consider her mannerisms highly inappropriate and crude and you don't share the same personality and characteristic traits, don't marry her. She laughs at these so-called "jokes" and this is the type of woman who is under consideration as your future wife? If you have doubts about her, listen to your intuition and gut instincts because they're always right on the mark. Obviously, you'll be unhappily married to her.

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I think she deserves to be with someone that doesn't get bent out of shape when she laughs at ribald tales. You are not the right guy for her because you will cramp her style and neither of you will be happy in the long run.

 

You say you are considering marrying her so how long have you been dating her and why have you been dating her that long if you don't find her decorum to be the decorum of a woman you would marry? Have you ever given her a chance to remedy? Have you talked to her about how you can't respect/be with women who kabitz with men the way she does?

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Is this an arranged marriage? It sounds like she is a little too rough around the edges for your taste. However this locker room talk is not sexting or cheating. How do you know of these conversations? Keep in mind you can not and should not control anyone's friends, social media or who someone talks to. If she's too incompatible choose another bride.

Considering marriage to this woman soon.She will have telephone conversations with them that I find offensive and inappropriate. For example, she told them that she spent a night in the hospital with Bronchitis and their response was "did you suck too much d**k ?"
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Is this an arranged marriage? It sounds like she is a little too rough around the edges for your taste. However this locker room talk is not sexting or cheating. How do you know of these conversations? Keep in mind you can not and should not control anyone's friends, social media or who someone talks to. If she's too incompatible choose another bride.

 

I heard the conversations when she had her cell in speaker mode. My thought: She should make it clear to anyone / everyone that she will not tolerate such language. set boundaries. Show self respect and others will give you respect.

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