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Thread: Relocation Depression

  1. #1
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    Relocation Depression

    Hi all

    Around 5 months ago I decided to accept a job in a complete new city which Iíve always wanted to live in away from all my family and friends. At first it was great, I met loads of new people and made some ok friends (not close) through work and sport, Iím doing really well at my new job and they want to invest in me staying because of how well Iím performing. Everything was going great

    That was until I visited back home, seeing all my friends and family and feeling closet connected to people made me feel so happy and comfortable and made me realise how much I miss and value those people and my home town. It made me rush into a decision to apply for a job back home which I got and due to start in a month and is actually paying higher than my bit city life.

    Iím so confused as to what to do: the job in the big new city Iím currently at , I love ! The people are so great and it kinda feels like going to work with friends, kinda like the school days. Iíve never been more happy or satisfied with my work life.

    However once I finish work, most days I feel so lonely and down. I play sport but donít really feel the passion for it like I did back home and the same goes for the people I hang around with in the new city, I do it because I know I should but I really donít feel connected or close to them.

    I miss home so damn much, my family my friends and the person I am kind of seeing... but this job is such a good opportunity for me I just donít feel connected to anything outside the job. The idea of being here with some close connections excites me but itís just not happening and with this job offer back home I am so confused as to what to do ?

    Do i tough it out and stay in a city I love , with a job I love while I battle out the relocation depression ? Or do I go back home to be with the people I love and the place I am deeply connected with ? Remembering that the job back home is actually higher paying , it just wonít grow as much as the city job.

    Please give me some advice I am absolutely loosing my mind.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If the place is not a good fit, feel relieved you are going back home. At least you gave it a good go and tried things out.

  3. #3
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    Thatís the thing , parts of it are such a good fit. Iím excited to go back home but I canít help back shake the feeling Iíve not given myself enough of a chance to settle and fit in

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    If this is the first time ever that you've moved away from family and friends, then what you are feeling is normal. It took a long time to develop the closeness you have with the friends at home. So realize that it takes a long time to develop that closeness with the new people when you move. On the bright side, you've learned that you can fit in easily and make new friends, even if those relationships aren't deeper yet.

    Anyway, some people can get over the homesick feeling and enjoy change. Others simply cannot and remain disconnected and miserable with change. Ultimately, you have to decide what you personally value, what matters to you the most. What kind of a life do you want to have? Once you answer those questions for yourself, then the decision to stay or go will become more clear for you.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Whenever I have a major decision to make, I make a list of pros and cons for each decision. Sometimes seeing this in writing is helpful.

    In my experience, it takes a full 2 years to fully get used to living in a new place. Of course the friends you've made in 5 months aren't as close as your lifelong ones. Don't have unrealistic expectations about that. To have made friends at all in that short of a time is really luck, and speaks to how likable you are. As far as feeling lonely, learn to enjoy your solo time. Enjoy cooking, reading, watching movies, working out at a gym. I relish some daily time alone and get grouchy if I don't get it.

    What would I do in your shoes? It's not necessarily what you should do, but if was so easy to get a job offer in the hometown, maybe it'd be just as easy in the future. I'd probably give the new city a few more years to see if you get a comfort level there. You can always take trips to the hometown, like you just did, and you can invite your friends to visit you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  7. #6
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    I would go home. I moved away and while I made superficial friends in my 25 years away from "home", I only am in contact with one person from that time.

    Back at home? It's like I never left. My family and friends are all over the place and I have made more in 2 years than in all that time away.

    My time in Silicon Valley was great professionally, but not so good for the other stuff.

    I think you ought to go home.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    What you're experiencing happened to many of my family members who've moved faraway for their jobs.

    Since you love your job, stick with it. Visit family and friends whenever you can afford the expense and time.

    You've only been in your new city for 5 months which is nothing. Give it time, even years. You will eventually meet people or someone special and this person will become your new family and / or friend(s).

    If you decide to move back home to more familiar territory with friends and family, always secure the second job before leaving your current job. Never leave yourself unemployed and in limbo. This way, you'll never be without a steady income.

    Sometimes you can't have everything and there is a sacrifice. You love your current job and you're growing yet lonely. Back home, you'll have a higher paying job but no growth.

    If I were you, I wouldn't be impulsive. I wouldn't quit your job. I'd give it a chance and remain with your current job for a few years and then make a decision. Get your experience with your current job because it's priceless and you can use your experience toward your next job wherever it may be.

  9. #8
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think you're basing too much on your feelings of nostalgia for home. You have a great job which you love. I think you should stick it out for at least a year. You'll make new friends. I'm not saying to forget the old friends, but there's no guarantee that your friends back home are going to stay there permanently.

    If after a year, you still feel lonely, then think about moving back home. Don't cut yourself off from finding new adventures.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Since the job at home pays more, I'd return to better earnings and newfound appreciation of my friends and family. The city will still be there after you've earned the money and experience to return someday if you want to.

  11. #10
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    Do not go back home. Battle the depression. Unless you've got a girlfriend back home who can't follow you, you've got a good job with higher potential at the new place. And you say it's pretty good.

    On the other hand don't do something you'll regret.

    In my experience going back home was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

    It sounds like you've got a choice between two happy places.

    Just remember how lucky you are.

    Depression is easy to deal with. Loneliness is very common and standard. Do not think that others are having better lives, that will destroy your whole life. It could be that after work you're just tired and you shouldnt base a decision off of that.

    I believe that your depression is just a passing phase.

    On the other hand depending on your age, you know what's best for you. If you're older going back home might be ok, people might need you. If you're younger, tough it out. You'll make yourself proud.

    Do whatever you can look back on your life later and say. "Yeah."


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