Very toxic relationship ended. Please share your thoughts

[MattyD1980]

Hi all,

So a couple weeks ago my ex basically just got her uni friend (a guy) to pick her up and not seen her since. She lost her licence to drink driving.

It was a very toxic/coercive control relationship from her. Insulting me, what I wore, saying I have no friends, my family hate me. Would split with me briefly and one time tell me she slept with someone and how he ed her real good. That hurt so bad. She's an alcoholic but doesn't think she is, has depression and bad anxiety. Craves attention from guys. Needs so much love due to not a great childhood. Would threaten to kill herself. Always rung and text asking where I was what I was doing, who I was with etc. You get the picture. Hit me many times.

4-5 weeks ago we were coming home. She starts beating me in the head. I stopped and asked her at least 5 times to get out the car. She wouldn't. I gave her a gentle nudge and she fell to ground. In the panic/stress/worry of what had just happened I drove on and my back wheel went over her left knee.

Of course I felt awful. But she's made me out to be some sort of woman beater. Has threatened and blackmailed me with the police about it. And recently has reported it. I was taken to police station which was scary as never been in trouble before. This was nearly two weeks ago now.

Not heard anymore. I'm hoping and keeping my fingers crossed I won't. And maybe cause she realises I've got plenty of stuff, with evidence on her.

Does anyone have any comforting words. Life been a bit crap lately! Having therapy for this whole ordeal which is helping.

Stupidly still miss her loads but apparently that's normal. Were engaged last year. Want to contact her, but I'd hazard a guess that's what she's probably wanting to happen?

Thanks,

Matt

[LikeWater]

Do. Not. Ever. Contact. Her. Again.

She is a psycho.

Keep doing you, and without any real evidence you should be okay. You haven't been arrested, your therapist has heard your story, and you have evidence of her being the abusive one. Just try to live your life the best you can. If you ever hear from her again, immediately get a restraining order.

[MattyD1980]

Thank you for your reply LikeWater. It's appreciated. I look back and question if there was anything I could've done differently for it to not end in such a crap way. She'd blame me for why she got angry. Say I'm selfish and only think about myself. Say I wasn't enough or man enough for her. Never really understood these kind of remarks.

[MattyD1980]

P.S She has pics and a few texts that state this happened. I'm not hiding anything. I went down to the police on my own accord showing I had nothing to hide. I have pics of what she's done to me. Incredibly abusive messages on my phone from her.

[SarahLancaster]

She isn't the problem. The problem you need to deal with is why you would put up with someone mistreating you so terribly. You can't possibly love someone who treats you like this. You're more addicted to her than anything else.

Work on getting a sense of self worth and don't allow anyone to browbeat you. You don't need that.

[Cherylyn]

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you cannot deal with those who are mentally ill. Stay away and get rid of those who are nothing but a drag, high drama and non-peace loving. All bad apples must go. Be with those who will treat you with utmost respect. Everyone else is garbage!

[LikeWater]

Please try and focus on the reality of this situation. Any time you miss her, think fondly on a memory, or any positive you try and extract from a hellhole, use that evidence to your own mental benefit. Remind yourself always that she's the one who would tear you down, beat you, and that she ws the exact recipe on how to ruin your life. Keep going to therapy, it'll help more and more as you go over it all.

And please, don't ever let a relationship get anywhere near this point again.

[MattyD1980]

Thank you all.

I do feel a bloody idiot for putting up with it for so long. Ashamed I wasn't stronger to be the one to end it ages ago. Don't really understand why I miss her still. But my therapist does so that makes me see I'm not weird!

[LikeWater]

You're definitely not weird. The weird thing about all of us, when we onced loved someone, is how easy it is to put blinders on towards the bad, and the distorted, out of proportion remembrance of the good parts.

Have you heard of Stockholm Syndrome? If not, read up on it.

[LikeWater]

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you cannot deal with those who are mentally ill. Stay away and get rid of those who are nothing but a drag, high drama and non-peace loving. All bad apples must go. Be with those who will treat you with utmost respect. Everyone else is garbage!

Mentally ill is too broad a stroke. The OP himself might have a mental illness. Please don't confuse mentally ill with specific mental issues that are dangerous and destructive.