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Thread: I feel attracted to my boss and I'm starting falling in love with him

  1. #1
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    I feel attracted to my boss and I'm starting falling in love with him

    I've been working in a small private organization for a year and a half. This January I realized I'm attracted to my boss and although I try to control it and not to think about it much, my attraction doesn't go away.
    There is a mutual understanding and sympathy between us, and I know he likes me as a person and probably also as a woman, because I catch him staring at me several times. But he is married so there is a big NO for me.
    He is very smart, open, kind and warm person, I would say he is also good looking (though he is not a typical handsome man) and when I see him, I feel almost happy. He always smiles when he sees me and is usually excited.
    the thing is that sometimes I feel like I will burn because of the attraction.
    Last time we were discussing and reading some papers in his office, sitting side by side on the arm chairs and I was so excited that I couldn't concentrate well. When I was leaving his office, he stand up beside me to read something in the papers I was holding. He was standing only about 5 cm away from me so I could feel the warm of his body and again - I couldn't concentrate and I felt like burning.

    I dont know if he knows I feel such a strong attraction to him, but I also realized that I'm sad when I don't see him at work.

    I would like to stop this attraction, because I feel like it's getting out of my control.

    Do you have some tips for what to do, please?

    PS: I cannot leave the job -1) it's a very good job and 2) im currently working on a project that cannot be stopped
    Last edited by Floris; 05-25-2019 at 05:15 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Can you transfer to another dept? You are playing with fire.

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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Can you transfer to another dept? You are playing with fire.
    No. We have only one "dept". It's a small organization - he is a chief, then there is a chief operating officer and then around 9 permanent workers, including me.

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    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    You can always leave any job, otherwise that would be slavery.

    But you don't have to. He's married and that's all you need to know. He's also your boss. You really want a relationship where he's cheating and can fire you over an argument? Or because he feels guilty. Or... literally name it, it's not a position you want to be in. Control yourself.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Try not to obsess over him. A crush is a crush, try not to blow it up by thinking about him, I know it's gonna be hard while working with him, but at least distract your mind when you're not with him.

    Remember IF he makes any move, chances are, this is not his first rodeo, but still, he'll be a cheater, you wouldn't want anything to do with a man like that. Thinking about how his wife is probably waiting for him to get back home is probably a good thing to focus on when you're with him.

    Get on dating apps, don't need to go on dates, just chat with guys. Don't talk about your crush to your friends, it'll make it real.

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    Floris, I am certainly not here to judge you. But I will be blunt: plenty of people write in enotalone about their husband or partner cheating and the devastating consequences this has on their lives. Please, read some of those posts! It's quite an eye-opener and hopefully a deterrent.

  8. #7
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Floris
    But he is married so there is a big NO for me.

    I would like to stop this attraction, because I feel like it's getting out of my control.

    Do you have some tips for what to do, please?
    Keep reminding yourself of the part in bold. Should be easy enough, right? .... especially as you, yourself, say it is a BIG NO for you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Get some self control, seriously! This is a married man! Someone else's husband. Not for you.

    It is one of my pet peeves on this board with people chasing married people or having crushes on them.
    You know they're married, you know they're off limits so why go down that road?

    Quitting a job is always a choice. If you can't contain yourself, then quit. But you can't be getting all excited over someone else's man.

    You realize his wife is a living, breathing person who made vows with this man? She loves him very much and built a life with him.
    It's not okay for you to be lusting over her man like this. Would you like someone to do this with your man should the day ever come that you marry?
    Karma is a very funny thing, so be careful.

    As for him, what kind of decent man behaves this way if he's married? A smart person would be able to figure out asap that if they act like that while married, they are cheaters and not someone you can trust.
    You think they will only cheat on their spouse but not you if you got together? It's simply not the truth. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Cope
    Try not to obsess over him. A crush is a crush, try not to blow it up by thinking about him, I know it's gonna be hard while working with him, but at least distract your mind when you're not with him.

    Remember IF he makes any move, chances are, this is not his first rodeo, but still, he'll be a cheater, you wouldn't want anything to do with a man like that. Thinking about how his wife is probably waiting for him to get back home is probably a good thing to focus on when you're with him.

    Get on dating apps, don't need to go on dates, just chat with guys. Don't talk about your crush to your friends, it'll make it real.
    Thank you for the advice, it's a good idea to think about his wife always when I see him - I think this would help me.
    Yes, I've already get on a dating app to distract myself. I'm even going to meet one guy who seems to be a nice person (and honestly hope to forget about the boss)..

  11. #10
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    Of course you can leave the job!

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