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Thread: I feel attracted to my boss and I'm starting falling in love with him

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Bolded -- a bit confusing.

    On one hand you said you don't care about his attraction to you, but on the other hand you said his possible attraction strengthens your attraction to him.

    So it does matter which I understand cause when we're attracted, and we believe it's mutual, it does stengthen our attraction and makes it difficult to turn that off. I get that.

    However, I think it's possible you may be projecting (your attraction on to him) and presuming he is attracted too.

    Very common!! We all do it.

    This "staring" thing, I have never understood the relevance. Staring/looking could have many different interpretations, it's too ambiguous to presume it means anything relevant, let alone that someone is attracted, imo.

    It's possible but that's about it.

    If I were to describe how my boss treats me at times, you might determine he is attracted to me too. He is NOT. Most definetly not.

    He is happily married with kids, I've met his wife and kids and there is zero romantic attraction.

    Do we have chemistry? Yes! But it's not romantic chemistry, our personalities jive, we get on well, that's all.

    Now I am NOT saying your boss is not attracted, he may be, only HE knows that.

    But how to get over your attraction? By exploring the possibility you may be projecting, stop assigning meaning to the ambiguous, and simply enjoy the fact you have a good working relationship w your boss.
    Thank you for your helpful and not-moralizing advice.

  2. #32
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    You're welcome and best of luck.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You need to take your boss off the pedestal. If he has been indeed encouraging this attraction then he is a scumbag and if you are attracted to that then you need to re-examine your personal values. You say that you would not get involved with a married man. That alone should be enough to take him off the pedestal unless your values are theoretical and purely lip service. Imo, you are focusing on this guy to avoid the void in your personal life. It's time to look for less destructive outlets to address that void. If married men's attention is "what does it" for you maybe it's time to consider therapy for your emotional availability...

  4. #34
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Attraction is one thing but it's not enough to write an entire post about. Attraction is fleeing and most people ignore it as it means nothing. It seems you wrote it because you're getting caught up in your feeling for him, feelings that should not have been created in the first place.

    I think that's why most on here are giving you the feedback that they are.

    As soon as someone finds out someone is married, that's the end of it. Not many continue on allowing themself to lust and keep looking etc. Unless they want trouble.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Floris
    I thank you all for your insights, but honestly I'm quite surprised by the big wave of moralization that appeared here. Probably it's because Im from totally different cultural background than you all (I guess you all are Americans and probably even believers?) but come on! You all behave like I have already slept with him or what. I just feel attraction, and I dont see anything bad about it, I'm a human, not a robot!!, and NO, you don't CHOOSE to who you are attracted, especially if it wasn't written on his forehead that he is married. But I know I can choose what to DO with that attraction, for this fact I tried to find support here.
    I really dont need to be judged, I'm my biggest judger already. I'm saying again, I did nothing inappropriate and I'm not going to behave inappropriately. I totally respect him, his wife and his family, so please, stop assuming that I'm going to ruin his life or what.

    There is no sinner or saint in this case. And if there is, then we both are equal. There is a high level of understanding between us, which doesn't mean anything in general, but for me it means a lot, because there is no many people in my life who get me. It's not because I don't have friends or social life, it's because of my personality. Second, he SAID that he likes me as a person. NO, it doesn't mean he is attracted to me or that he has romantic feelings, but by that he confirmed what I felt. So, if I'm projecting the possible mutual attraction, then I'm sure I'm not projecting mutual understanding. I KNOW it doesn't mean anything. But next time when you will question someone's intuition and knowledge, think twice before you do it, please.

    That's everything I can say about it.
    Iím not American nor a believer!
    Does your culture have different morals?
    Seriously why did you even bring culture into this?

    If you yourself has said that you are not going to act on this attraction of yours then why are you posting here?
    What exactly do you want us to advise?

    If the simple fact that he is married has not removed your attraction to him then how can we help?
    That does simply boil down to YOUR morals! Which it seems you are questioning hence your post.

    So how about you stop judging others for their morals when you arenít even sure of your own!

    I think you simply donít like others suggesting he is not interested in you. Is that a part of your non American culture?

    It seems to me that you can only get over an attraction to another by being rejected.
    So why donít you go ahead, make an advance on him and when he rejects you , or even accepts you once prior to rejecting you , come back then and we will help you !

    Because you clearly do not want help right now , just a green light to go for it.

  7. #36
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I see nothing in the original post that leads me to believe the boss did anything wrong. Sometimes when you're attracted to someone, it's easy to let your imagination run wild and think that the object of your affection is attracted to you. He smiles at you. So what? He seems excited. So what? He stood close to you reading something. So what?

    Unless he has made an overt advance to you, I'd say it's just wishful thinking on your part.

    He's not available, and so there's no point even entertaining any romantic feelings towards him. It can only result in pain.

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