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Thread: I feel attracted to my boss and I'm starting falling in love with him

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Floris
    He is a boss in our organization and supervisor.

    Because what do I have to respond about it? I just wrote what happened, that's everything. I'm not going to discuss his possible attraction to me and honestly I do not care about it. It's not relevant here. He is married and that's it. What is relevant is the fact that I want to stop my attraction or to resolve it somehow. I would also say he is not a "saint" in this sense - no, he didn't make a move, but he did things that married man shouldn't do in my opinion (which also strengthen my attraction to him).

    PS: I wouldn't know he is married if I didn't see one photo where he is wearing a ring. He never wears a ring at work, never talk about his wife etc.
    What did he do that made YOU attracted to him? That YOU think a married man shouldn’t do?
    None of my brother in laws wear a wedding band. They are not “ring” people. But do occasionally put them on on occasions. So what??? That’s the majority of men!

    Why would he talk to you about his wife??
    He is a professional and by the sounds of it a good one.

    What should you do about your fantasy that got crushed? Realise it!

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    How do you stop it? You tell yourself that if you do anything and the wife finds out, you could get a butt whooping (as most women become enraged over this kind of thing) and you will also be fired and you could be humiliated.

    You could also end up with him and have him cheating on you too.

    None of it makes sense. What makes sense is to forget about this slimeball and go find a boyfriend outside of work.
    He is not interested in her?!

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Why are you policing what I should or should not question?
    Sorry you think I am.
    Was it not ok in your opinion to point out that this guy according to the op and the script we both read has done nothing wrong by the op?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Just don't know why you felt it necessary to correct me when I am a grown adult and can read...thanks but no thanks.

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  6. #25
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    I wasn’t “correcting” you just like this married man has not proven to be a ” slimeball”

    I’m unsure where this animosity towards me arose from?
    But I can only assume I accidentally hit a raw nerve?
    Sorry!

    OP, people get hurt and I recommend you pay attention to Sherry .
    It’s not all about you but other innocent parties get hurt , spouses, children, extended family etc.
    He is married and off limits despite whether he hides that info or not.

    He might very well be an innocent party here and it sounds to me like he is , but you are not innocent knowing he is off limits. What is it about you that attracts you to a married man?

  7. #26
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    The way you can get over your attraction to him is by finding a boyfriend. Date other guys.

  8. #27
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    Here is your answer: keep your feelings at bay, hard as that will be. Do not act on them or provoke him in any way. He is married. Remember that. Don't get embroiled in a situation that will cause you, his wife (and kids, if any) and him heartache. HE IS MARRIED, for crying out loud!! Don't you understand that? Again, HE IS MARRIED, OP! He's off limits. Lastly, he is married. Plain and simple.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Anyhow, I hope that you start making better choices, OP. You can't allow yourself to get feelings for someone that is completely off limits.

    It is a massively drama filled situation you're choosing to put yourself into if you continue and it's not a small thing..you could ruin your own life and most definitely ruin other people's lives.

    His wife exists and if she catches wind of how you are feeling or if you do something with him, you could have her on your back as well as her family and friends. There will be a lot of hatred there. Do you really want to chance that?

    Married means not an option, not now, not today , not tomorrow, not ever.

    If he is behaving badly, then start seeing him for what he is, a total jerk who is bad to his wife and has zero morals...that's not attractive.

    Just find your own boyfriend, it's the realistic choice here.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Floris

    He is a boss in our organization and supervisor.

    Because what do I have to respond about it? I just wrote what happened, that's everything.

    I'm not going to discuss his possible attraction to me and honestly I do not care about it.
    It's not relevant here. He is married and that's it. What is relevant is the fact that I want to stop my attraction or to resolve it somehow. I would also say he is not a "saint" in this sense - no, he didn't make a move, but he did things that married man shouldn't do in my opinion (which also strengthen my attraction to him).

    Bolded -- a bit confusing.

    On one hand you said you don't care about his attraction to you, but on the other hand you said his possible attraction strengthens your attraction to him.

    So it does matter which I understand cause when we're attracted, and we believe it's mutual, it does stengthen our attraction and makes it difficult to turn that off. I get that.

    However, I think it's possible you may be projecting (your attraction on to him) and presuming he is attracted too.

    Very common!! We all do it.

    This "staring" thing, I have never understood the relevance. Staring/looking could have many different interpretations, it's too ambiguous to presume it means anything relevant, let alone that someone is attracted, imo.

    It's possible but that's about it.

    If I were to describe how my boss treats me at times, you might determine he is attracted to me too. He is NOT. Most definetly not.

    He is happily married with kids, I've met his wife and kids and there is zero romantic attraction.

    Do we have chemistry? Yes! But it's not romantic chemistry, our personalities jive, we get on well, that's all.

    Now I am NOT saying your boss is not attracted, he may be, only HE knows that.

    But how to get over your attraction? By exploring the possibility you may be projecting, stop assigning meaning to the ambiguous, and simply enjoy the fact you have a good working relationship w your boss.

  11. #30
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    I thank you all for your insights, but honestly I'm quite surprised by the big wave of moralization that appeared here. Probably it's because Im from totally different cultural background than you all (I guess you all are Americans and probably even believers?) but come on! You all behave like I have already slept with him or what. I just feel attraction, and I dont see anything bad about it, I'm a human, not a robot!!, and NO, you don't CHOOSE to who you are attracted, especially if it wasn't written on his forehead that he is married. But I know I can choose what to DO with that attraction, for this fact I tried to find support here.
    I really dont need to be judged, I'm my biggest judger already. I'm saying again, I did nothing inappropriate and I'm not going to behave inappropriately. I totally respect him, his wife and his family, so please, stop assuming that I'm going to ruin his life or what.

    There is no sinner or saint in this case. And if there is, then we both are equal. There is a high level of understanding between us, which doesn't mean anything in general, but for me it means a lot, because there is no many people in my life who get me. It's not because I don't have friends or social life, it's because of my personality. Second, he SAID that he likes me as a person. NO, it doesn't mean he is attracted to me or that he has romantic feelings, but by that he confirmed what I felt. So, if I'm projecting the possible mutual attraction, then I'm sure I'm not projecting mutual understanding. I KNOW it doesn't mean anything. But next time when you will question someone's intuition and knowledge, think twice before you do it, please.

    That's everything I can say about it.
    Last edited by Floris; 05-26-2019 at 11:34 AM.

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