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Thread: I feel attracted to my boss and I'm starting falling in love with him

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher

    As for him, what kind of decent man behaves this way if he's married? A smart person would be able to figure out asap that if they act like that while married, they are cheaters and not someone you can trust.
    You think they will only cheat on their spouse but not you if you got together? It's simply not the truth. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater.
    With all due respect, this man has done nothing wrong . He has never even flirted with the op.
    He smiles when he sees her. So what? I smile at all my colleagues make or female. He gets excited when he sees her? In her opinion but she never said that excitement was evident in his pants?
    Sometimes I’m excited to talk to a male colleague because of a work related issue!

    She sees him staring at her? Wishful thinking maybe?
    I mean she said she is sad when she doesn’t see him at work! If he was a cheater or predator he would be seeking her out at work. Clearly he isn’t.

    And OP, you CAN leave the job. It’s not the only good job out there and the business will not go down if you leave mid way a project. Sorry to burst that bubble. You may very well be good at your job, but you are not irreplaceable. Your loyalty seems not about the job but your obsession with this married man.

    He has never made a move on you, expressed interest in you apart from professionally.
    You are not the first person to become obsessed with a teacher, someone in charge, a personal trainer etc by thinking their interest in you is a personal one rather than what it is, a professional one.
    Start realising that. Otherwise your job will be in jeopardy!

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Of course you can leave the job!
    Theoretically I can, but first I have to finish the project I'm working on there (it's related to the grant agency and you cannot make a change like this without the good reason) and he is a part of a project team.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Floris
    Theoretically I can, but first I have to finish the project I'm working on there (it's related to the grant agency and you cannot make a change like this without the good reason) and he is a part of a project team.
    So he technically is not your boss but a supervisor!
    And you are in research? And being paid by a grant?
    Got it!
    But yet you have not responded to the fact that he has never ever made a move on you!
    Why is that?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    With all due respect, this man has done nothing wrong . He has never even flirted with the op.
    He smiles when he sees her. So what? I smile at all my colleagues make or female. He gets excited when he sees her? In her opinion but she never said that excitement was evident in his pants?
    Sometimes I’m excited to talk to a male colleague because of a work related issue!
    Why argue the point? I am reading off the same script as you are!! She made it sound as though he's staring at her and liking her back.

    Do any of us know if that's true or not? How could we? I am replying on the accounts OP has described.

    Alright?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it seems like this is happening because of voids and emptiness in your life. Outside of work, join some clubs, groups, professional organisations, sports, etc. Take some local career enhancing courses and enjoyable social classes. Create opportunities to make friends and meet people outside of work.

    Also get a good profile and photos up on some quality dating apps and start messaging and meeting men. This isn't about your boss or your workplace/job, it's about your unfulfilled voids and your imagination/fantasies trying to fill that in.

    He's not coming on to you or harassing you. The workplace is not a singles bar or dating site. So don't harass him or try to flirt, etc. Meet men on your own time with your own efforts, don't put others at work in awkward positions because of your loneliness and crushes.
    Originally Posted by Floris
    he is married so ......

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Why argue the point? I am reading off the same script as you are!! She made it sound as though he's staring at her and liking her back.

    Do any of us know if that's true or not? How could we? I am replying on the accounts OP has described.

    Alright?
    “She made it sound as though he is staring at her”

    That’s true! I am not arguing that! At all!
    I an
    simply wondering why you would not question what’s true or not in the interest of the op? Rather than assuming what she says is true despite her own admittance of “falling in love” with someone who has never once made a move on her?

    Yes I read the same script as you. And there is nothing in it to suggest he is a cheater?
    Did I miss something?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Why are you policing what I should or should not question?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    So he technically is not your boss but a supervisor!
    And you are in research? And being paid by a grant?
    Got it!
    But yet you have not responded to the fact that he has never ever made a move on you!
    Why is that?
    He is a boss in our organization and supervisor.

    Because what do I have to respond about it? I just wrote what happened, that's everything. I'm not going to discuss his possible attraction to me and honestly I do not care about it. It's not relevant here. He is married and that's it. What is relevant is the fact that I want to stop my attraction or to resolve it somehow. I would also say he is not a "saint" in this sense - no, he didn't make a move, but he did things that married man shouldn't do in my opinion (which also strengthen my attraction to him).

    PS: I wouldn't know he is married if I didn't see one photo where he is wearing a ring. He never wears a ring at work, never talk about his wife etc.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    “She made it sound as though he is staring at her”

    That’s true! I am not arguing that! At all!
    I an
    simply wondering why you would not question what’s true or not in the interest of the op? Rather than assuming what she says is true despite her own admittance of “falling in love” with someone who has never once made a move on her?

    Yes I read the same script as you. And there is nothing in it to suggest he is a cheater?
    Did I miss something?
    Look, this is not my fantasy. I catch him staring at me WHEN I was in love with another man who I was dating and when I didn't care about my boss at all (in the sense of romantic feelings). I've already grew up from fantasizing about what men do or don't do. And it doesn't make sense to describe the situation unclearly since I want to resolve it, dont you think so?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    How do you stop it? You tell yourself that if you do anything and the wife finds out, you could get a butt whooping (as most women become enraged over this kind of thing) and you will also be fired and you could be humiliated.

    You could also end up with him and have him cheating on you too.

    None of it makes sense. What makes sense is to forget about this slimeball and go find a boyfriend outside of work.

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