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Thread: She chewed me up and spit me out

  1. #1
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    She chewed me up and spit me out

    Its been 6 months since I found out about her cheating. I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 3 years and I met her a few times. I closed the distance by moving to her country 2 years ago. 6 months ago I found out that she started looking for a guy to have sex with. She told him she wants regular sex. She would book hotel rooms, ask the guy to come over for sex. This used to happen several times a month. She even started going out with him for coffee or food when I was busy working hard, saving money to close the distance. She would often accuse me of cheating even though she was doing it herself. She even told him if she would get pregnant, she would abort the baby. She never felt any remorse to confess at all. In the beginning of my relationship, I told her my biggest fear is getting cheated and if she felt the need to cheat, she should break up first.

    After I confronted her about it, she refused to tell me anything in detail. she told me she was frustrated and just had sex couple of times. I started to fall into depression and lost confidence in myself. I left her twice and she asked me to give her a chance. After 3 months, she told me I'm not supposed to talk about her cheating anymore. Deep down, I wanted to know everything that happened, I wanted closure.

    We started dating again and but I still felt scared of her. Recently, I felt like I wanted the truth and I started going through her stuff. I found out that her cheating continued for more than a year. She even slept with him before valentines day. If I try to confront, she says she doesn't want to talk anything about it. She says its been 6 months and I still haven't moved on and that things will never be the same again. She talks about marriage yet when I show signs of depression or that I can't move on, she goes "its better we separate". I don't know how long I would have to go through like this.

    I don't understand how I'm the one who ended up apologizing, being the bad guy, why did I have to apologize for hurting her? I can't even bring the topic up anymore without "hurting" her. No matter what, I will try to maintain no contact. I still have some the stuff she gave me which I want to return, don't know how and when I'll do that but I intend to bid my final goodbye to her soon. She made me feel guilty for evening bringing the topic up because doing that hurt her. Its been a month, she hasn't contacted me, I try not to contact her but I end up messaging her once in a while.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Pack up her stuff and mail or ship it to her. Do not take her the stuff. You've dodged a bullet but you dont realize that. She's no good for you, she's a serial cheater and there's no reason to think she will change. You know you dont want to spend the rest of your life with someone who lies and cheats. Go NC, block and delete. Take time for yourself and move on.

  3. #3
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    ďI still have some the stuff she gave me which I want to returnď

    You have nothing of hers and if you donít want the stuff she gave you then donate it to a charity. But please donít use it as an excuse to contact her? She hasnít contacted you in the past month. She clearly doesnít want you to contact her!
    So donít!!!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My mistake, I thought he said some of her stuff was with him. If she gave you things for yourself, do with them what you want. You dont have to return them to her.

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  6. #5
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    I don't understand why you continue to contact this woman. You know who she is and what she did, yet you are hoping that she will morph into a decent human being.

    Block and delete her. Get tested for STDs!!!

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    "I want to return, don't know how and when I'll do that but I intend to bid my final goodbye to her soon." This makes no sense! How much more does she have to disrespect you? Dude, where is your self respect?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's emotionally manipulative and you're very gullible. Leave her alone and heal. You might not like the sound of this but you may want to ask yourself why you felt moving to another country for a long distance relationship was a good idea. You were vulnerable from the beginning. Ask yourself why. Figure it out and ask yourself why you went down this path in the first place. If you don't understand your weaknesses, you'll never grow from them or transform those weak areas. Keep growing. One step at a time. I hope you feel better soon.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    "I want to return, don't know how and when I'll do that but I intend to bid my final goodbye to her soon." This makes no sense! How much more does she have to disrespect you? Dude, where is your self respect?
    People often use this excuse of returning gifts as a way to contact their ex. It's like an addiction. In reality a gift is a gift, so there's no need of returning any gift when people break up.
    If it's her belongings there's also no need to see her again to return them. You can always mail them their stuff and not have to see them again. Don't contact her if you truly want to heal and move on.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes this. No need to drag it out over petty drama.
    Originally Posted by Annia
    People often use this excuse of returning gifts as a way to contact their ex. It's like an addiction. In reality a gift is a gift, so there's no need of returning any gift when people break up.


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