He (25) broke up with me (28) to protect me. Feeling crushed.

I had been dating a guy for 3 months. We hit it off right from the start. He was American and moved to my country for another girl 2 years ago and the girl was quite abusive and controlling. They broke up 4 months before we met.

After 3 months we discovered we were very compatible and agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. He confessed that he had never felt this way about anyone before and couldn't believe he got so lucky meeting someone like me so soon after his break up. He also would comment that he wished I met him when he had his life together and that he wished that it was me he moved to Australia for, as his life would be a lot better if that were the case. We went on an amazing date and that night he told me he loved me. Later that night he entered what seemed like a psychotic episode. He began to talking to me about how mental health professors and academics are conspiring against him. When he came out of it he was embarrassed and apologetic and told me he is going to do everything to get medical help because he doesn't want his bipolar mania/mental illness to ruin what we have started, even though he despises mental health professionals and pharmaceutical companies. I made it clear to him that I wont end the relationship based on his mental illness, but expect him to seek help and get treatment as I have been with a partner with depression who never did anything about it and this was a deal breaker for me. I'll also note that I have BPD which I have been treating for the last year and am pretty far into recovery, so mental illness alone is not a deal breaker for me.

Unfortunately 1 week later he entered another episode and started talking to me about how a sun god has communicated to him from the cosmos and told him he is the next Alexander the great, etc. When he was back to reality, I tried to gauge the situation by asking him how often he experiences episodes and what steps he was taking to get medical help, as previously discussed. He then got quite hostile and told me that he experiences paranoia and if I don't like it, to break up with him and from there got quite aggressive in his tone and demeanour. I began crying and he couldn't understand why I was so upset and this made him even more angry so he threatened to leave. Eventually he came to his senses and started sobbing in regret for his behaviour and decided to end the relationship, stating that he is too scared and can't do it.

Later when we spoke on the phone, he told me that he loves me but has to protect me by leaving me because he isn't at all well and that I am a nice girl who he will likely hurt quite badly. He said he will be getting help, but he cant still have me around as this halts recovery and he doesn't want me to wait for him to get better and to be at his whim. He said many kind things, like how he will never forget me and what we shared, that he thinks I am a diamond and he will probably regret ending it, but love isn't enough in the end.

Right now I am crushed. For the last four years I have dated so many duds who treated me so poorly, but this guy really was different until his mental illness started to show and when things were good, I was the happiest I had been in years. Has anyone been in a similar position where their partner broke up with them to protect them and eventually came back to them when they were in a more stable place?

Are you serious. You should have been done after the first episode. Why in the hell would you sign up for this! Good lord, you only dated three months.

You need to focus on why YOU keep on choosing "duds." You are the common denominator.

The goes beyond bipolar, he sounds schizophrenic.

Sounds like paranoid schizophrenia to me!!!

Run and be greatful he is letting you!

I somehow disbelieve his last gf was abusive or controlling.

Just his illness thinking the whole world is out to get him including his ex and that will include you if you stay any longer.

I'm sorry that you're in so much pain and confusion. There are many kind people in this world (and unkind ones too). It doesn't mean that anyone from either group is compatible with you. As someone with BPD, you know a whole lot of it already. You should know that he needs help for himself and treatment. He cares about you. Reciprocate that and let him work on getting better. It's the least you can do. Cherish the memories but move on with your life. You shouldn't feel guilty for moving on or letting go.

At least he has the insight to understand the severity of his psychotic episodes and realize he is not capable of a relationship at this time. 12 weeks is not long enough to really know anyone but long enough to see some issues like this arise and come to the realization that a relationship is not desirable or possible with certain people or situations such as this. Let it go.

I know you're sad, and I don't know if he'll ever come back. But it sounds like he's doing the right thing for himself, deedee28. Be glad about that.

The goes beyond bipolar, he sounds schizophrenic.

Bipolar people can hallucinate like this, too. My friend's mom went through phases like this when we were in high school.

I wouldn't pin my hopes on this, OP.

I realize you were very happy until he started displaying these troubing symptoms, but the truth is that you still hardly know the guy. 3 months is not very long. What you are seeing now is probably the tip of the iceberg in terms of his struggles, and he knows himself better than you possibly could. Believe him when he says he will more than likely hurt you a lot. He's got enough awareness to know what's around the corner if you two kept dating, and he doesn't want to put you through it.

A friend of mine went though something similar years ago now, though they'd been together longer. The poor guy did eventually stabilize, but he didn't come back to her. Everyone is different, obviously, but I wouldn't count on this one panning out. You have very little history together and his troubles run deep.

This isn't about you.

The man is ill and needs treatment.

Can you care about him enough to be unselfish? Can you care enough to NOT say "but, but, but, what about ME!!"?

I know you're sad, and I don't know if he'll ever come back. But it sounds like he's doing the right thing for himself, deedee28. Be glad about that.

 

 

 

Bipolar people can hallucinate like this, too. My friend's mom went through phases like this when we were in high school.

I didn't realize.

Thank the Gods he's cognizant enough to know he is not a good person to be with and pray that he gets on the proper medication and ongoing therapy to gauge how the meds he's put on are working.

You are very lucky that he showed you his true self so quickly and that he broke this relationship off because frankly, I don't think you would have dumped him even though you said him not getting therapy was a deal breaker for you. You should have broken up with him then told him that if he got on the right meds and continued therapy you would consider going back to him then.

Anyway... you are lucky he did what he did so start believing that and get on with your own therapy and being the best you that you can be and forget him.

I recommend that you get therapy, too.

The goes beyond bipolar, he sounds schizophrenic.

Actually Holls it does sound like Bipolar I; psychosis like this is quite common w Bipolar I.

I have Bipolar II and don't experience psychotic episodes like this, just the highs and lows.

But it's not uncommon w BP I.

Course it could be schizophrenia, best for him to see a doctor, get a proper diagnosis and prescribed the proper meds!