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Thread: Move On Or Keep Hope?

  1. #1

    Move On Or Keep Hope?

    All right guys, this might be a long one. I recently fell in love with a girl in college about 9 months ago (when we started dating). Little background on her so you guys can understand, she was ideal for me. She was shy and not too outgoing, which I found cute, caring, into gaming, anime, and was cute but beautiful at the same time. However, she was always a tad bit of a worrier, somewhat anxious, unresponsive unless prompted, and religious (I'm not, but she didn't mind. However, I brought this up for a reason). The main problem we seemed to have was her doubts about us and it failing because she often had thoughts and feelings that were very spiritual telling her her path would be one separate from mine. I often reassured telling her that if her feelings for me were earnest and if she wanted to be with me there shouldn't be anything holding you back from that. Which she eventually agreed with and I grew to love her more and more as time passes and then it happened. May 16, last Thursday, after not getting a response from her for 3 days I finally contacted her and we were able to talk. Like I said, I love her and I don't think I can find anyone as remotely close to what I was looking for in a girl. However, just because I loved her didn't mean I was going to force her into a relationship if she wasn't ready. So, after telling her what she meant to me and how much I wanted to make this work I asked her if she was truly ready to be in a relationship with me. Her answer, was no. Which hurt, but I understood, she said she had a lot to work with herself before she could date ANYONE. She also tried to suggest I'd be better dating someone more deserving of me to which I tried to tell her nobody else could fill that role. I can't go a day without thinking about her. Which is why I suggested even though we couldn't date maybe we could take it a step back and just talk from time to time, you know, as friends? She agreed. I told her that I honestly don't plan on nor do I want to give up on her and I'd keep hope for us until it was no longer possible. The conversation itself already put so much weight on my chest and even destroyed my appetite that night and the following days. I managed to get over that and we even had a few talks since then, but it's getting even harder to talk to her now. I know she might be working on herself as well as being busy, but I just don't want what we had to go down the drain. I really saw myself building a life with this girl and now, I'm just trying my hardest now not to pester her with texts as well as condition not to be so bent up on her. Idk what do!!! I love her sooo much, but I've been pondering the idea that I might have to let her go and it's killing me. I can't think of anything, but that. Basically, I think it comes down to a couple options. Either I give her a little space and keep hope that things between us might work out or I prepare myself for the worst and condition myself to move on (which is easier said than done). I just want an outside opinion as to what to do. I really want to be with her and also clear my head so i don't think about it everyday, but I also want her to be happy as cheesy as that sounds. I'm just so conflicted....

  2. #2
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I think you should stop trying to convince her that a relationship with her will work because the #1 huge obstacle in all this is, she is religious and you are not which has long term negative effects in a relationship, perhaps someday marriage and children. Even if it never reaches toward marriage and children, I normally observe couples who can relate either religiously or non-religiously but rarely one non-religious person and the other person being religious and spiritual. For most people, their religion and faith are tantamount and akin to their very foundation for LIFE. They're whole being is very devoted and loyal to their faith, beliefs and values which cannot even begin to be comprehended by non-believers. Their religion and faith is absolute, steadfast and unwavering.

    She has doubts and her spiritual thoughts were telling her they are separate from yours. She knows she should be with someone who is in lock step and evenly yoked in her faith which stands to reason.

    She's drifting apart from you with her decreased responses. You should take a hint and her message by now. She even suggested to you that you'd be better dating someone else. She told you she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with you. You need to take heed. Let her go.

    In the future, it's better to be with someone who isn't religious because you'll have more in common and can relate better. Birds of a feather flock together.

  3. #3
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    "I asked her if she was truly ready to be in a relationship with me. Her answer, was no. Which hurt, but I understood, she said she had a lot to work with herself before she could date ANYONE. She also tried to suggest I'd be better dating someone more deserving of me "

    "The main problem we seemed to have was her doubts about us and it failing because she often had thoughts and feelings that were very spiritual telling her her path would be one separate from mine"

    She told you from the start that there was no future, yet you pushed and pushed. She is still telling you, and you continue to ignore. There is no future. Time to listen to what people are telling you! She does not want to be with you.

    You should never have to convince someone to be with you!

    Move on and leave her alone.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 05-24-2019 at 02:00 AM.

  4. #4
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    Yes she's not interested. Stop trying to force it. Don't be her friend. Block and move on. If you see her around be civil but cut all contact where possible

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  6. #5
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    I'm sorry OP, but I have to echo the posters above who are advising you to move on.

    She's had doubts for a long time, and finally conceded she just couldn't do it. When you have to campaign for someone's affection, you're barking up the wrong tree. I know you saw yourself with her in the future, but unfortunately, she doesn't feel the same way.

    There's really not much you can do but respect her choice and work on accepting that this isn't the right lady for you.

  7. #6
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    Double-posted, deleted

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened but a fundamental difference like her faith may be a deal breaker for her. She may like you a lot but long term sh may seek someone in her faith.
    Originally Posted by FourPoarn
    religious (I'm not, but she didn't mind. However, I brought this up for a reason). The main problem we seemed to have was her doubts about us and it failing because she often had thoughts and feelings that were very spiritual telling her her path would be one separate from mine.

  9. #8
    Yea, I figured. I was thinking that might be the case, but you guys have to understand that coming to terms with this isn't easy. And do I really have to lose it all? Regardless of if she wants to be with me or not we actually did have a lot in common. To scary amounts in fact. There are things I could talk to her about that I couldn't with anyone else. I know it's selfish and probably insensitive to want to at least stay friends, but it just feels like I'm losing a lot here. Also, thank all you guys for the feedback, I kinda knew that I should try to move, but it's really hard man. On top of breaking up, do I also have to lose one of the most interesting people I've ever met? If so, then it almost makes me regret seeking a romantic relationship in the first place.

  10. #9
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    Thats the risk of entering relationships, they are gambles. If it fails then we usually lose that person from our lives completely but it all works out in the end. The first few months are tough but it's all part and part of life and getting older.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by FourPoarn
    Yea, I figured. I was thinking that might be the case, but you guys have to understand that coming to terms with this isn't easy. And do I really have to lose it all? Regardless of if she wants to be with me or not we actually did have a lot in common. To scary amounts in fact. There are things I could talk to her about that I couldn't with anyone else. I know it's selfish and probably insensitive to want to at least stay friends, but it just feels like I'm losing a lot here. Also, thank all you guys for the feedback, I kinda knew that I should try to move, but it's really hard man. On top of breaking up, do I also have to lose one of the most interesting people I've ever met? If so, then it almost makes me regret seeking a romantic relationship in the first place.
    My recommendation would just be to go no contact for like a month or so. It will be tough at first, but get through that month and maybe after that, if you do still want to talk to her as a friend, hit her up. It will give you time maybe for your feelings about her to die down. Who knows, after that month you may not even care for her that much. I never understand how people on here are just like “completely cut her out forever.” How can you cut out someone you care so much about? That’s what I would do, its actually what I am doing right now lol.

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