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Thread: Girlfriend never includes me in decisions

  1. #1

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    Girlfriend never includes me in decisions

    I have been with my gf for two years and we have lived together for most of our relationship.

    She has kids, and I am never included in any parenting decisions and really any sort of decisions.

    An example is that we have been planning a camping trip for a long time, and right at the last minute, she just announced that she told her son her could bring his two friends along and our neighbor is also coming along.

    I was the one who actually booked the cabin, paid for it, so it’s not like I am just tagging along. Besides, we are supposedly a couple that functions like we are married. Isn’t inviting three more people to a family camping trip something that should have been run by me first? Shouldn’t I be included?

    She makes me feel like she doesn’t respect me, like I don’t matter. Any thoughts?

  2. #2
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    You should not be involved in parenting, as you are not a parent.

    The situation you wrote about, is another story. She should have asked you before asking anyone else along. Period! Does not matter if you are paying for it, or not. I find it to be rude and inconsiderate.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Have you told her how you feel? I think you have a valid concern that you are not kept informed or asked about additional people coming along.

  4. #4
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    Yes, this is inconsiderate that she invited all of them without talking with you about it first especially since you booked and paid for it. Have you talked with her about how you feel about this? You have every right to talk with her and explain how this hurts you. Sounds like both of you need to communicate better. If this isn't the only thing she doesn't include you in on when it comes to decision making then you two are long overdue for a discussion on this and a real heart to heart. The two of you should be making this kind of decisions together.

    As far as decisions with her kids in general. I guess that depends on the situation. In this situation with the family vacation she definitely needs to include you in these. If it's something else regarding her kids separately then I can't really say much without more context. I believe there are some boundaries as a (step) parent or future (step) but at the same time you all function as a family and certain things shouldn't be able to fly if you all are under the same roof.

    Communicate better. Work together as a team. How is she going to know that she can't make all the decisions if she does this automatically and doesn't realize how much bit bothers you?
    Last edited by lovetrap00; 05-23-2019 at 11:12 PM. Reason: Typo

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's ok. Decisions about living together, finances you two as a couple, etc. is your only concern. You have no say in her children, legally or otherwise. That is the sole domain of her and the kid's father. Do not interfere with that process, or get involved. It's their problem.

    However the real issue is you and her, not them. Simply tell her that finances and plans need to be discussed.
    Originally Posted by Hurkumer
    I have been with my gf for two years and we have lived together for most of our relationship. She has kids, and I am never included in any parenting decisions and really any sort of decisions.

  7. #6
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    It is absolutely ok for her to have her kids friends come. And no she shouldnt require your permission. Its not costing you more to have them stay.
    When YOU chose to pay did you state to her that only certain people are allowed?

    You say you have been together 2 years and lived together for almost all of that?
    You should not have met her kids until at least 6-12 months in?? And at least wait another year after that to live together?

    Who moved in with who? And why???

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It sounds like she has appointed you as the tour guide for the whole neighborhood!

    Google "control freak", Narcissist. You have a lot of reading to do.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Hurkumer: What, if anything did you say to her after you found out that she had invited all those extra people? What, if anything did she respond with?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    No, it's not acceptable for her to invite anyone else along on the trip without consulting with you first. It's completely irrelevant who is paying for what. If she is going by herself, she can do what she wants. When you are going together, decisions need to be mutual.

    A good question being asked is how do you respond when she does this? Have you talked about it? Have you ever let her know that this isn't acceptable to you?

    Whoever said that her inviting additional kids is fine...wth.... it's an added responsibility and liability on the OP and his gf and he absolutely has a right to object to that.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    It is absolutely ok for her to have her kids friends come. And no she shouldnt require your permission. Its not costing you more to have them stay.
    When YOU chose to pay did you state to her that only certain people are allowed?

    You say you have been together 2 years and lived together for almost all of that?
    You should not have met her kids until at least 6-12 months in?? And at least wait another year after that to live together?

    Who moved in with who? And why???
    The food for the additional kids is not free. Also, it is much more of a headache, and work, to have all of these additional people. Totally unacceptable. It is also his trip and he should be in on who may, and may not go. It is called consideration.

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