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Thread: I want to get back together with my ex who is pregnant by someone else

  1. #1

    I want to get back together with my ex who is pregnant by someone else

    I (35M) was dumped by my ex (36F) a year ago and I was heartbroken. Never wanted the relationship to end. We got together once physically a few months after the breakup but she still didnt want to be with me. I wrote a heartfelt letter on new years day saying I wanted to give it one last go. She said she appreciated the letter but she said she was bust with her new job.

    Well a month after that, she told me she was pregnant by another guy, who had left her after one month dating. I even offered to help but she said she wanted to raise the babies (yeah twins) on her own. I said I understood and went no contact.

    A couple weeks after, she asked me to venmo her some money because she needed help. I did, she thanked me, promised me she would pay me back but never did.

    Then I got a text from her a month later, saying her children will be bad because their father walked out on them and they will have no father figure. I again offered and told her how I felt about her. She said thanks and never heard from her for 2 months.

    Then today, out of the blue, she asks me to watch our dog because she is going to the beach overnight with her friends and wants me to do it. I, like the person wishing to have hope, did so and meeting her tomorrow before she goes.

    By now you can tell I'm not over her. Still dont know why she keeps reaching out to me after all this time. She knows the way I feel about her. I've tried blocking at one point to go no contact to try to heal, but she emailed me, I saw, and reverted back. Truth is I'd still be there for her and the twins if she'd let me. Anyone have advice?

  2. #2
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    I cringed when I read this.

    Because you allow her to treat you like a doormat, bank, and babysitter. Have some self respect and cut her off, she is only using you and has zero respect for you. She does not want to be with you.

  3. #3
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    Block her everywhere!!!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, even if you did manage to get into a relationship with her you will be in for a life of misery.....She is your kryptonite and you will have no say in what goes on. As Holly mentioned above, you will be a doormat, and over time she will lose respect for you ( if she hasn't already).

    After respect, attraction soon follows and then you are toast.

    Also, I'm not 100% sure on this but depending on the situation, you may also become financially responsible for someone else's DNA even after she's dumped you...which I'm sorry to say, has a high chance of happening.

    Because of the power she has over you there is also a high chance that she will have affairs behind your back too....

    I'm so sorry to be so negative. Maybe she'll come around and you guys will do great. Guessing relationships is like trying to guess where the nearest planet with life is....

    But my post is based on the thousands of posts I've read on here and other forums, my 9 years as a couples counselor and a degree in psyche....

    Extremely hard to cut someone off that you care about, but I would suggest making moves away from her and opening up some other options.

    You Can Do It...!

    Regards

    Carus*

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I cringed when I read this.

    Because you allow her to treat you like a doormat, bank, and babysitter. Have some self respect and cut her off, she is only using you and has zero respect for you. She does not want to be with you.

    I agree with Hollyj. She does these things because she knows you'll help her out. You are being a doormat. Raising someone else's babies is such a bad idea. She is taking advantage of you because you let her. Smarten up.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by weezusishere
    By now you can tell I'm not over her. Still dont know why she keeps reaching out to me after all this time. She knows the way I feel about her. I've tried blocking at one point to go no contact to try to heal, but she emailed me, I saw, and reverted back. Truth is I'd still be there for her and the twins if she'd let me. Anyone have advice?
    Do you really have no idea, or are you just in denial of the truth?

    She uses you, my friend. For money, for dog-sitting, whatever she needs. She knows you will say yes. But you are not getting back together. You need to go find your backbone and stop replying to her. There is no future here. As soon as she latches on to another man, you won't hear from her anymore.

  8. #7
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    Yeah she's just using you. She has zero attraction to you as you let yourself be used as a doormat.

    Grow a pair and tell her you are done with her. Block and move on.

    Her kids are not your problem don't ever give her anymore money.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You have to cut contact, and find a new girlfriend. With that and time, your feelings for her will go away.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    This is one of the saddest posts I've seen in a while.

    You were together for three years, are still reeling from the breakup. I get it, that's human. Been there. One relationship of mine (also around 3 years) took me a good two years to fully get over. Some people, they get under our skin.

    But dude? DUDE?! This woman, at this point, might as well have a sign above her head reading "Stay Away From Me Unless Want To Be Destroyed." She had a little fling, ended up pregnant with twins—tough turn of events in her life, but that's her life, not a life you want to be anywhere near. If an ex of mine had the audacity to ask me to Venmo some cash or watch her dogs after all that—my god, that would be a woman I would never talk to again.

    You're young, with all sorts of options in front of you. You can be single for a bit. You can sleep around with randoms. You can get into Zen Buddhism. You can save money and go see a part of the world that intrigues you. You can go through a little phase where you get a little too into bourbon. Any of that is better than what you're doing now, which is outsourcing your identity, self-worth, and hopes to someone who is hardwired to chew it all up.

    Time to man up—for you. Let the ego go, let the heart wail a bit, get humble, take the hit and let go of the scraps. You'll be right where you want to be sooner than you think, which is far away from raising another man's twins with a woman who has zero respect for you.

  11. #10
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    She sounds like the type that would ask you to babysit the twins while she goes out with another guy.

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