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Thread: Should We Break Up?

  1. #1

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    Should We Break Up?

    Just looking for an outsiders perspective on this.

    My boyfriend and I live five minutes away from each other at the moment, however I want to move closer to my child's school (which is about 25 minutes away) and he wants to stay here to be closer to his child.
    We've talked about moving in together but obviously can't if we both want to be in different places.

    I am using a lot of money on petrol to get to school and it's taking up quite a bit of time to get there and back, my child also doesn't get invited on many play dates as the other children think she lives too far away. So I feel like it would be better for us to move closer.
    I completely understand my boyfriends want to stay closer to his child (he has his child one day a week and every other weekend) , so would never try and force him to move further away.

    I used to live closer to our school when we met and our relationship was good, but since moving closer to him we only see each other once or twice a week. Usually on a night when he sleeps over and then leaves in the morning. I've recently stopped us having sleepovers as I don't want this kind of relationship, I want to see him during the day and spend time with him. He says he loves me and he's comfortable, so we don't have to try as hard..... but I'm not comfortable and I'm not 100% sure whether I do love him. I do like him a lot and I don't want to break up over something that can be overcome.

    I'm just thinking that when I do move further away, will we see each other the same or less. I get annoyed now that he's not willing to drive five minutes to my house, now that he's comfortable I don't know if he'll be happy to drive 25 minutes.

    I'd like to talk to him about it but I don't know if I should wait closer to the time (I've got two months left on my rental contract) or what to really say.

    Like I said, I don't want to break up over something that can be overcome but if there's no option for us to move in together one day (my child has around 10 years left of school), then would it be better for us to call it a day?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Put your child first. A 25 min drive would not make or break it, if this situation were right for you. It sounds more based on complacency and convenience than this being the right guy/situation for you. Move and if it falls apart, you'll have your answer.
    Originally Posted by T4ron
    I want to move closer to my child's school (which is about 25 minutes away) and he wants to stay here to be closer to his child.

    I'm not comfortable and I'm not 100% sure whether I do love him.

  3. #3

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    My child is always number one to me. I wasn't in any way asking if I should stay or go, I am definitely going to move closer to school as soon as I can.

    I was just asking for opinions on whether we should break up before I move and what I should consider saying when talking to him about it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    So you do want to break up? If you mean it, do it now and start the healing process. Any person who wont drive 25 mins to see the person they supposedly are in a relationship with is pretty damn selfish. A compromise would be for each of you to move about half way to the other, while being near to schools and kids.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Just wondering why you haven't considered moving your child to another school?


    Kids are pretty resilient and lots of families relocate and kids need to change schools.

  7. #6
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    “ I get annoyed now that he's not willing to drive five minutes to my house, now that he's comfortable I don't know if he'll be happy to drive 25 minutes“

    Doesn’t sound like he’s that interested in you?
    Why are you allowing this man to sleep over at your child’s home?
    You say your child is your number one priority yet allow that when you aren’t even sure you love him? And why would you have even discussed living with him when you aren’t sure you love him?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Just wondering why you haven't considered moving your child to another school?


    Kids are pretty resilient and lots of families relocate and kids need to change schools.
    I would never consider relocating my kids just to keep a guy.

    Kids come first. Or, they should. I applaud the OP for being a good, responsible mother.

    I would wait and see if this man makes an effort. I personally wouldn't tolerate a "sleep over only" pseudo relationship.

  9. #8
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    You should move closer to the school. You have a live in child, he does not. Twenty five miles is not far for him to travel.

    Why do you only see one another twice a week, and at night? He won't drive five miles to your house: selfish? Why are you even dating this guy?

    You should be putting the welfare of your child, first. I have a feelings that this guy will fade away. He doesn't seem to care.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    “ I get annoyed now that he's not willing to drive five minutes to my house, now that he's comfortable I don't know if he'll be happy to drive 25 minutes“

    Doesn’t sound like he’s that interested in you?
    Why are you allowing this man to sleep over at your child’s home?
    You say your child is your number one priority yet allow that when you aren’t even sure you love him? And why would you have even discussed living with him when you aren’t sure you love him?
    I was thinking the same.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I mean....what you are describing isn't really a relationship but more of just a casual, convenient fck buddy arrangement. You aren't happy and want more. You talked to him about it and he shot you down point blank. Soooo.....that's it. You already have an answer, even if one you don't like - this isn't going anywhere and won't get better.

    He is comfortable with this arrangement and isn't willing to lift a finger to make any kind of an effort that would actually involve dating you or building an actual relationship with you. He comes over a few times a week, gets laid, goes home - that suits him. It obviously doesn't suit you, so why even worry about him or whether he'll see you even less if you move further away. Move, take care of yourself, do what you need to do for you and your child and forget this guy. Go out and date and find a guy who actually wants to date you, will make that effort, make you feel good and give you what you need - an actual real relationship and not just casual sleepovers. Raise your standards, expect more and don't settle. It's really not that hard to find a decent guy, you just have to learn to be ruthless in screening out users and losers.

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