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Thread: Should I reach out?

  1. #1

    Should I reach out?

    Okay so I'm in a friend group of 5 people 3 of which I'm extremely close too. I go to a different highschool then all of them but 4 of us have our licensed so we catch up often. We all recently went to a music festival together and everything was all good. In the last couple of weeks I've been very depressed, I've been going to a psychologist and I've been put on antidepressants. I haven't told my friends this. One of my close friends birthday was last week and we all went to her house, I was feeling really unwell and almost didn't even go. My head was all over the place and I felt so drained that I couldn't move. I still went to her house gave her her present and made conversation for a little bit. After that I felt myself close up and I felt like I couldn't fucntion I didn't talk for the most of the night and when I did it was me saying that I didn't have anything to add or say. I ended up leaving early and going home. The next day I get a text from one of the close friends that was at the party; "Hey, so I feel it would be best if you didn't come to my birthday as I've heard things from different people that you don't like me and lately always snapping at me or getting angry. Idk what's been up with you but I don't want that mood on my birthday weekend :/" I said okay and I haven't received any messages from anyone in my group since. Not one meme has been shared and not one message from anyone else. It has been a week and I haven't messaged any of them first it's been really ing with my head and I've been crying non stop. I'm not sure what to do? They obviously don't want me in their lives but I have no one else. I'm completely alone without them. I want to message first but I'm scared that they won't even respond. Should I just try and move on? Focus on studies and just pretend I'm okay? It makes me feel completely worthless that no one cares about me. Please leave your advice, opinions or anything x

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok you're off to a good start that you are taking medication and seeing a psychologist. It's ok to not feel great right away. No need to tell your friends anything. Save your thoughts and worries for the psychologist. In the meantime, yes focus on your other friends and family as well as your other interests. Try to get involved with more things at school. Clubs, groups, sports, etc. Making new friends is always good when you already have something in common.
    Originally Posted by Anon6942069
    I've been very depressed, I've been going to a psychologist and I've been put on antidepressants. I haven't told my friends this.

  3. #3
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    When did you start taking anti depressants?
    They take a while to kick in. A few weeks.
    Say nothing until you discuss with your psychologist.
    This person does not sound or at least behave as a close friend.

    A close friend would have a one on one catch up and discuss what’s going on.
    But then again you are teenagers so not mature enough perhaps ?

    You could have at the time responded and said that you weren’t feeling well that night or said it on the night without having to explain why. But I wouldn’t say anything now. Teenagers can be very cruel and isolating.

    Try to find other places , hobbies etc to meet new and genuine people.

  4. #4
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    I just can't imagine this all suddenly took place in two weeks' time. I imagine this has been festering longer, which would explain the reaction you received. I think the appropriate response to the initial text would have been an apology for the bday party. You weren't feeling well and just didn't talk as much as normal. Also, apologize for any snappish behavior. "I do like you and I'm sorry I made you feel like I don't."

    Anger and snapping at people --- Take inventory of that. It's easy to lash out when you're feeling this way, so I think it's important to recognize how you feel when you snap at people so you can learn techniques to curb it. Feeling depressed or having issues go sideways in your life doesn't give you license to lash out at people, and your friends are not your punching bags. They will be forgiving to a degree...and that has a shelf-life. This goes for family as well.

    If your short temper has been reserved for this one friend of the group, you need to take stock on that too...why? Can you remain friends, as she's part of the group?

    I don't know if these friends can be called friends because a friend would have reached out and asked what's wrong and what's going on with you rather than disinvite you with seemingly no warning at all. (I question if there are parts of the story missing) You should also feel comfortable enough (still uncomfortable and scary) to reach out and apologize and explain you weren't well. I don't think you need to get into any more detail than that, at least until you have a better feel for who these friends really are and if they're genuine. Cutting you off the way they/she did questions them, and perhaps it would be better to take solace in your family unit, other friends who are closer to you, maybe just watch a movie and veg instead of any party nights; other things you enjoy.

    I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to reach out after a week, say happy birthday, but that's really up to you and how strong you feel this friendship is. You also have to be prepared to manage a rejection, which won't happen if these friends are truly friends and care about you. I wish I had a crystal ball for this one.

    Feel better. It can take a few weeks to get the full effect.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I have no experience with depression but I will say those are not close nor good friends to leave you at a time when you most need it or for a birthday party. I'm very sorry that you're so hurt. You're going to have to pull yourself together and get the real help that you need from a doctor and start addressing that hurt inside you. Don't worry about people like this. Once you start feeling better about yourself and regain your confidence, you'll be meeting new people in no time. Highschool is not always easy for everyone and you're not alone feeling isolated. Think big picture and go on and get the right help. There is no shame in that.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Have you contacted your school counselor for help with your depression?

  8. #7
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    I would simply say "i have not been feeling well lately and I am so sorry. I did not realize that it was causing me to be snippy. I definitely consider you a good friend and maybe i will take a few days to have some downtime to get better and then maybe i can come to something next time?" Antidepressants take awhile to kick in. In the meantime, maybe lay low until you don't feel so scrambled and just be very aware of what you are saying.

    Also, being on meds is not news to be texting about. If you said you "are on meds" its not clear whether you are on meds and thats causing you to be that way or you are taking meds to not feel that way - its too complex for a text convo. wait until you have a private moment. I am not saying you should feel its stigmatized --- its just that its not a moment to overshare.

  9. #8
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    I've been in this situation. And in hindsight, I see that I am the one who was causing the drama. People do not want to be around someone who is going to bring them down or pout and be moody. At the same time, when you are suffering from depression, it is nearly impossible to pull yourself out of your slump.
    Why did your friend say that she heard that you don't like her? Are you talking about her with other friends? That is a great way to ruin a friendship. I would not press her for information, but reflect on your actions and try to recognize if you have done or said anything that would have led her to this conclusion.
    Give your friends some time. Chances are--if they are true friends--they will miss you and the time you spend together! You also need some time to heal and figure some things out. You don't need to get in to specifics with them if you are not comfortable with that, but I think you should let them know that you recognize your behaviors and you are working on getting yourself into a good place.
    Hopefully, after a little while, you can get back in touch with them and nurture your friendship. Things may never be the same, but don't count them out!


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