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Thread: Seeing a Married Woman for over a year - completely in love

  1. #1
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    Seeing a Married Woman for over a year - completely in love

    Hi all,

    I'm posting on here because i'm truly hurting. I am madly in love both emotionally and physically to a married woman, and she will not leave her husband despite her constantly telling me how much she wants to leave him and how much she loves and adores me. She's also said she only sees me in her future.

    I really do believe she wants to be with me, but I can't help but feel she will make up another excuse as to why she "can't right now" or "it's so complicated." She's from a small country town (knows everyone), as is her husband and she seems so worried about letting people down with the prospect of divorce, which I can understand. It's been 15 months and we're incredibly intimate, we get along great, and I really do feel like she's the one for me. We have this amazing chemistry that i've never experienced before, but I feel immense guilt, frustration and jealousy when we're apart. Now, I haven't been pushing her because I know it's not my place to ask to her to leave immediately, but I feel like it's been a long time of "being so certain of me".

    Recently, I decided to give her distance so she could sort out everything without me being of any influence and it's absolutely killing me. She didn't take it well and i'm terrified of losing her if I distance her too much, but I just can't keep waiting for something to happen. It's been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. She swears she's completely in love with me and has even said she wants kids with me and not with him. She seems so sincere and I trust her, but I just can't bear the thought of her with another man.

    Have I done the right thing? As much as it hurts, I feel like she needs to do this without me in the background if she truly wants me.

    Any advice is appreciated. I'm in a really bad place :(
    Last edited by ajrau; 05-23-2019 at 02:03 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You never had her in the first place. She's married to someone else.
    Originally Posted by ajrau
    i'm terrified of losing her

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    The only way out of this fire is straight through it.....and yes it will be painful....

    How much longer you put up with this will be up to you.....

    Whilst entangled in this you are not opening yourself up for a better relationship with someone else, and yes there are other women out there despite your addiction to this one.....

    And lastly, if she's willing to deal with her defunct marriage by carrying on an affair, do you really think she wouldn't do it again if your relationship with her were to hit the rocks...??

    Something to think about.....

    Regards

    Carus*

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    ď She swears she's completely in love with me and has even said she wants kids with me and not with him. Ē

    She has no kids ? How old is she?
    How long has she been married?
    If she has no kids then what reason does she give for not leaving him?
    Does she work?
    Is her husband wealthy?

    After 15 months there is a reason she is not leaving her husband and likely never will.

    Of course she didnít take the distance well , she WANTS an affair and so far you have done a great job.

    How can you trust a word she says? You do realise she has been an incredibly good liar to her husband for 15 months.
    He trusts her too.

    And yes they are intimate.

    End it. She will stay with her husband. She never intends on leaving him because of whatever he provides for her.
    She will simply seek someone else to have an affair with.

    In the meantime , you will be free to date someone who actually chooses you! Donít you think you deserve that???

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    How does she wants to have kids with you if she's not leaving him? If they don't have kids what's her excuse to not leaving him? You're being played and made the fool, sorry.

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    She's worried about letting people down if she divorces, yet she's not worried about letting people down if they find out she's having an affair?

    Dude. You are being played so hard. She isn't leaving her husband. It's time to do what you don't want to do, and forget her. She isn't yours to lose, anyway.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    15 months...she would have left him long time ago if she really meant the things she tells you.

    Is she intimate with him? A very good chance of it.

    Married people often get bored in their marriage and want a little excitement in terms of an affair. (the dirtbags do, not the decent ones). She wants something on the side but she still wants her husband.

    That's not going to change. You also have to consider that she has very low morals. She is a liar and a cheater ad only cares about her feelings, not yours and not his.

    She's not loyal to him and she's not loyal to you. She's bedding you both and stringing you both along.

    It will only change if you walk away but she's not going to leave him.

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    The next thing you will hear is that she is pregnant with his baby.

    Why don't you like yourself? Why do you feel you must subject yourself to such pain?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    15 months...she would have left him long time ago if she really meant the things she tells you.

    Is she intimate with him? A very good chance of it.

    Married people often get bored in their marriage and want a little excitement in terms of an affair. (the dirtbags do, not the decent ones). She wants something on the side but she still wants her husband.

    That's not going to change. You also have to consider that she has very low morals. She is a liar and a cheater ad only cares about her feelings, not yours and not his.

    She's not loyal to him and she's not loyal to you. She's bedding you both and stringing you both along.

    It will only change if you walk away but she's not going to leave him.
    Even if she's intimate with the husband (probably is) I bet that she's telling him the cliche "we haven't had sex in years" that almost every cheater loves to pretend. She's throwing all the cheater cliches and he's eating it up.

    OP I hope you don't disgrace your life over this and that when the husband finds out she's cheating on him and she manipulates him to believe she didn't do anything and you're the one pursuing her, that you don't get into trouble. Also remember that how you get them is how you lose them, so even if she left him and you became official with her and not just her side playtoy, she'd have no problems in cheating on you too.

    I suggest counseling to find out why you're accepting this and willingly being played like this and work on the issues that made you think it was a good idea to be strung along by a married woman and facilitate her cheating. Maybe you're so afraid of commitment that you go for people you clearly can't (and shouldn't) have. Also maybe gain same empathy over her husband who's also being played and cheated on and lied too because he's a victim here. Think about what is like for him to have sex with his wife and not knowing that every time he does it, he's risking a STD without being able to do nothing about it and making informed decisions. Think about him maybe planning to have a family with her and yet she risking impregnating from another man. Think about him being lied when he asks her how her day was. Yes, think about how your actions affect others and not just on yourself and your feelings and maybe it'll help giving you some clarity about the situation and allow you to avoid situations like this in the future.

    If you're so afraid of true commitment then get a very long distance girlfriend or something difficult like that but at least a single woman who's not willingly destroying the man she's with for her own ego and gain.

  11. #10
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    That's why I cut it off. I'm feeling terrible about it all. I know what I have been doing is wrong, hence my utter depression and self loathing. Truth hurts, but this forum has hurt me more than support me. I;m on the edge

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