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Thread: Heavily In Like with Silver Fox

  1. #21
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    I don't believe it was professional intentions because when he messaged you you would have introduced yourself and told him that you were friending people in your industry with a purpose, and your photos on social media would support that.

    You are not a hopeless romantic --- because he told you he has nothing to offer you in that way. He doesn't want a relationship or just not one with you. A hopeless romantic is all about flowers, cards, writing poetry with a sweetheart, not about chasing powerful men 30 years her senior.

    And "sexy' is not a learned behavior. Someone either finds someone sexy or they do not.

    We are not going to agree. You're entitled to your already formed opinion. Your information is limited. I have photos to support that over a span of years. I have business relationships of people that I have met that could vouch for me. But that's ok thanks for your advice.
    Last edited by ConfusedLady21; 05-22-2019 at 11:50 PM.

  2. #22
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Is he married? If he says he's not, you cant be totally sure he's not lying to you. You are living in a fantasy, a dream, and I too believe this will blow up/backfire on you. I hope you wake up and see you are being played by this guy.
    Yes maybe so. So I guess my new question. How should I proceed. I still want to keep him around, but I don't want to be a play thing

  3. #23
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    This was a great wake up thread you guys. All advice (as long as it's respectful) is appreciated. Thank you all

  4. #24
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Well isn't this a sad thread? Sorry, just being honest.

    The subtext of your first post is that what you like about this guy is that he makes you feel small, powerless, unimpressive, and without much of an identity. Read that sentence again. Try to take a moment to process that without jumping to defend it.

    Now, maybe you'll defend it nonetheless, rehashing the bits about him inspiring you to push yourself, go to the gym, get more out of life, and so on. Cool, I won't stop you. It's your life to live.

    But all the fears about him growing bored with you, about you not being as interesting as you'd like to be, about feeling like a student lucky enough to be in the orbit of the wise sage—ooof. Hurt to read. Dude, by just being himself, is essentially taking every single insecurity lurking inside of you and lighting them on fire, making you feel pretty bad about yourself.

    Which, yeah, feels a lot like vulnerability. And there's noting quite as intoxicating as feeling vulnerable, the emotional equivalent of having your clothes ripped off.

    But real talk? It's the wrong kind of vulnerability, the shallow kind. It's feeling owned, disempowered, minimized, helpless. Damsel stuff, basically. Ego stuff: he boosts yours up and demolishes it all at once. You're already gauging your sense of worth and meaning by whether this dude can stay intrigued by you—a dude who has straight up said there's no chance for anything romantic. (Translation: sex is not off the table, but if it happens? Just sex.)

    That's a good dynamic for him, of course, because he can go to coffee with you, burp up a few stories and ideas about life, and feel like God. He can hiccup—about business this, travel that—and feel like he just hoisted Mt Everest onto his shoulders thanks to the spotlight of your beaming, unblinking doe eyes. He might get laid, when and if he feels like. Candy for his ego, with no fear of cavities.

    So, how to proceed?

    Well, if you want some teacher-student thing that shreds your core worth but boosts your ego and sets your loins aflutter—keep hanging around, being the available pupil he already knows you are. He couldn't care less about you being confident, an equal, so don't worry about that; if that was his jam, he'd be jamming elsewhere, spending time with a woman who knows she's interesting and can set the world on fire whether or not a man validates her heat.

    But, for all his admirable qualities, which I'm sure are real, he can't quite hang on that plane. Remember that. Just as a little weak spot inside of you is what's drawing you to him, it's a weak spot in him—not some worldly power and wisdom—that's got him drawn to you. Like seeks like, after all.

    Crushes are fun, I get it. They can also crush us.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    Have anyone ever asked you what you wanted in a partner? Chances are that you will run down a list of what you desire in the person you would like to be with.

    Well, I met this guy who has every single trait that I have ever wanted in a man. He has traits that I didn’t even know I would find desirable. I am 26, he’s a silver fox and much older than me, but I don’t care, in fact, a part of me likes that. I am completely lost in major like with him. He has been messaging me on Facebook for a few years, but the other day we decided to meet up for coffee. It was the first time I met him, his presence was so powerful. We have this odd mentor-student like relationship and he teaches me a lot of valuable lessons. He’s a well respected VP, he’s a powerhouse mover and shaker with short tolerance for BS and for some reason that makes me both nervous and excited.

    Truth is, he’s so cool to me and I am not as interesting as I would like to be. I have aspirations of owning my own business. I am a powerful performer at work and I am an achiever and I think that might have been what attracted him to me in the first place (I am trying to offer more than just looks, those fade). He’s constantly out doing something productive, but I am so quiet and timid at times that I stay behind closed doors for the most part, I am trying to break that habit. He inspires me to become a better person. To push myself, to get back in the gym, to get more out of life. He’s busy living his life that I would like to be busy living mine. I am so worried that he will grow bored of me. I realize that I am no longer in this wild naturally sexy phase that I was in in my late teens early 20s. Now, I feel like I reverted back to being odd. I can dress sexy and look it, but I’m nervous to act that part. I am corny as all get out and can use some help on my jokes.. I live under a rock and I don’t know too much about TV shows or pop culture references. He’s just everything I’ve been wanting in a man for years. He’s dominate, take charge and confident. A confident man wants his woman to be equally as confident, but Im not there.. And I am more nervous than anything that someone that I am into SO MUCH is talking to me every day. Any tips for a nervous timid girl dating an older man? He’s not trying to take advantage of me. I’m mature enough to know, I’m not gullible. I’d like to keep him around and I am open to any advice I can get.
    The whole post reads like a dirty fantasy novel. If it's actually true, you need to stop living in your head and exit fantasy land. A "silver fox" hitting on twenty somethings via Facebook is no-one respectable. At best he is a narcissist who has tapped on your fantasies about being dominated.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd ride the wave and call a spade a spade (this is more or less a fun friendship and nothing more). Enjoy his company if you can handle it and learn a thing or two.

    I'm not very impressed with his character in general (I'm referring to the inappropriate good morning or personal messages) but I once remember being young like you and impressionable. I remember what it used to feel like being nervous and shaky. Savour it. These will fade with time and experience. You'll laugh and shake your head and cherish those wild memories. I'd take the caution in this thread as goodwill and care for you.

    The caution here is spoken in kindness and worry for you because not everyone gets out of youth unscathed.

    Look out for yourself and be wary messaging individuals online on social media. You should be focusing more on professional associations and networking within your industry at legitimate industry events, attending seminars and meeting your peers through a much more legitimate means. You've got the online network down. Try and improve your in-person presence in the industry.

    If you are studying or finishing a program, talk to your program advisors and ask them for mentorship opportunities. Most industries or professional designations have mentorship programs within the regulatory bodies that accredit industry professionals. This usually requires an application and acceptance and some minimum qualifications in your studies in order to qualify as a mentee (applying for a mentor). One day you will be mentoring young professionals too.

    Take care of yourself.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Some local classes or courses, perhaps in career workshops or an interest or even personal growth would be much more helpful than coffee with some married guy.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    Yes maybe so. So I guess my new question. How should I proceed. I still want to keep him around, but I don't want to be a play thing
    You're already firmly headed in that direction, OP.

    He was clear he can't offer you anything romantic. Yet he's still sending you flirty messages. What do you think that means? It means he might twist the sheets with you if he can charm you enough. It's already working or you'd have stepped away the moment he told you he doesn't want a romantic relationship. He knows what he's doing here. He's been around this block before. And he likely senses that you haven't, so you don't really see what's happening.

    What you have here is a fantasy and an idealized image of him. You say he's everything you have ever wanted, and yet you don't know even know how old the guy is. You also say some posters here have limited information about the situation, which may be true, but frankly - so do you. You have a very glossy picture of him in your mind but evidently you are lacking even basic details about him.

    Be cautious here, OP. You're letting the lust cloud your better judgment and you already want more than he is willing to offer you.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Girl........

    ....
    ....

    you need to cut this out.
    If he talked to you about a girlfriend long distance, he knows you want his bod and you probably will allow him to take advantage of you.
    And even if not sexually, he doesn't take you seriously as a business person at all.
    You seem like someone who is flirting to network and it WILL blow up big time.
    This will backfire on you.
    He displays all the signs that he's just not that into the OP and doesn't care about this "relationship" at all. I think you should take a step back and protect yourself emotionally.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    Yes but then I get sweet good morning messages. Sweet comments, constant attempts to meet up with me (which I've been avoiding because I'd like to get cute first before I see him again). It's tough
    A good relationship is more than "good mornings" and "good comments". Anyone can text you good morning and tell you sweet things regardless of their intentions.

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