Jump to content

Heavily In Like with Silver Fox


ConfusedLady21

Recommended Posts

Have anyone ever asked you what you wanted in a partner? Chances are that you will run down a list of what you desire in the person you would like to be with.

 

Well, I met this guy who has every single trait that I have ever wanted in a man. He has traits that I didn’t even know I would find desirable. I am 26, he’s a silver fox and much older than me, but I don’t care, in fact, a part of me likes that. I am completely lost in major like with him. He has been messaging me on Facebook for a few years, but the other day we decided to meet up for coffee. It was the first time I met him, his presence was so powerful. We have this odd mentor-student like relationship and he teaches me a lot of valuable lessons. He’s a well respected VP, he’s a powerhouse mover and shaker with short tolerance for BS and for some reason that makes me both nervous and excited.

 

Truth is, he’s so cool to me and I am not as interesting as I would like to be. I have aspirations of owning my own business. I am a powerful performer at work and I am an achiever and I think that might have been what attracted him to me in the first place (I am trying to offer more than just looks, those fade). He’s constantly out doing something productive, but I am so quiet and timid at times that I stay behind closed doors for the most part, I am trying to break that habit. He inspires me to become a better person. To push myself, to get back in the gym, to get more out of life. He’s busy living his life that I would like to be busy living mine. I am so worried that he will grow bored of me. I realize that I am no longer in this wild naturally sexy phase that I was in in my late teens early 20s. Now, I feel like I reverted back to being odd. I can dress sexy and look it, but I’m nervous to act that part. I am corny as all get out and can use some help on my jokes.. I live under a rock and I don’t know too much about TV shows or pop culture references. He’s just everything I’ve been wanting in a man for years. He’s dominate, take charge and confident. A confident man wants his woman to be equally as confident, but Im not there.. And I am more nervous than anything that someone that I am into SO MUCH is talking to me every day. Any tips for a nervous timid girl dating an older man? He’s not trying to take advantage of me. I’m mature enough to know, I’m not gullible. I’d like to keep him around and I am open to any advice I can get.

Link to comment

I wanted to network with people in my city, so I friended all the CEOs, business owners, and marketers I could find. He has been messaging me for a couple of years, but my messages have been so flooded that I didn't pay attention to them. So one day, I decided to get organized and clear my messages out. We started back talking again and I became more responsive. The conversation was going well for about a week (no pauses) so he asked to meet me. And Littler, when I met him, I was so nervous and I didn't think the meet up went well, but then he messaged me that night and we text all throughout the night until we called it a night.

Link to comment

My advice: he's a successful businessman, which means he's a master at reading people and not being read himself. Remember the saying, "everybody poops?" Keep that in mind. He'll come across as less intimidating and you won't be disappointed when you learn more about him.

Link to comment
I don't know. He asked me and I told him, but he did not share with me. I didn't want to press.

 

Honestly, you are already being played.

 

And you don't really want networking, you are looking for sex or a relationship.

 

Its a faux pas to ask a woman her age that you are meeting for the first time unless its relevant (you are discussing scholarships that have an age parameter, etc, but you can often skirt around it by asking what year she graduated from high school, or filling out legal forms together), or unless you have it on good authority that she is over the age of 95 and she is bragging about her longevity and you want to pile on another compliment. "whoa 100 years old - I thought you looked 70!"

 

He asked your age because he finds you childish/young/precocious - maybe trying to fish if you are legal or not a college student. He doesn't take you that seriously.

 

you say you are not gullible, but you say 'i can dress sexy" "i can pretend i am nervous" etc. Why do you feel you have to put on a show.

Link to comment

We talked about that. Now, he did mention that he was talking to a long distance girlfriend but that recently came to a halt once she revealed that she had an STD. That causes a whirlwind of emotion for him that night.. and so then he goes on to mention to me that he cannot offer me anything romantic. I was disappointed and then just told myself to enjoy the attention and the e-books and mentorship provided by him. But our relationship has been very heavily flirtatious and it's obvious that there's a mutual attraction.. a lot has happened since then

Link to comment
We talked about that. Now, he did mention that he was talking to a long distance girlfriend but that recently came to a halt once she revealed that she had an STD. That causes a whirlwind of emotion for him that night.. and so then he goes on to mention to me that he cannot offer me anything romantic. I was disappointed and then just told myself to enjoy the attention and the e-books and mentorship provided by him. But our relationship has been very heavily flirtatious and it's obvious that there's a mutual attraction

 

Girl........

 

....

....

 

you need to cut this out.

If he talked to you about a girlfriend long distance, he knows you want his bod and you probably will allow him to take advantage of you.

And even if not sexually, he doesn't take you seriously as a business person at all.

You seem like someone who is flirting to network and it WILL blow up big time.

This will backfire on you.

Link to comment

Well, the conversation came up because I brought up the conversation about millennials and staying at home to save up 6 months worth of bills. Then we joked around about millennial issues. Then that's when he asked. "How old are you btw?" It was very casual.

I cannot put on a show and be something that I am not, but at the same time, being sexy is a learned behavior. I can only be myself but I would like to put a little flare in there.

Link to comment

Relationships with a 20 years or more age gap have a 95 percent divorce rate. You don't have enough life experience right now to know the numerous cons of a great age gap. The way that you speak of yourself, with your low self esteem, you will be attracting inappropriate men. They can sniff you out, even through cyber space.

 

My advice is to not date until you achieve a healthy self esteem so that you will only attract, and accept, men who are worthy of you.

 

Take what he says at face value. He can't offer anything romantic. Even if he flirts, what he has warned you about will override anything else.

Link to comment
My networking was not at all about flirting. Everyone I befriended was out of professional intentions only. Everything else you said is possibly legit and will be considered. Yes girl, I do want his bod. Woe is me, I am a hopeless romantic..

 

I don't believe it was professional intentions because when he messaged you you would have introduced yourself and told him that you were friending people in your industry with a purpose, and your photos on social media would support that.

 

You are not a hopeless romantic --- because he told you he has nothing to offer you in that way. He doesn't want a relationship or just not one with you. A hopeless romantic is all about flowers, cards, writing poetry with a sweetheart, not about chasing powerful men 30 years her senior.

 

And "sexy' is not a learned behavior. Someone either finds someone sexy or they do not.

Link to comment
Relationships with a 20 years or more age gap have a 95 percent divorce rate. You don't have enough life experience right now to know the numerous cons of a great age gap. The way that you speak of yourself, with your low self esteem, you will be attracting inappropriate men. They can sniff you out, even through cyber space.

 

My advice is to not date until you achieve a healthy self esteem so that you will only attract, and accept, men who are worthy of you.

 

Take what he says at face value. He can't offer anything romantic. Even if he flirts, what he has warned you about will override anything else.

 

 

I know that to be true. I read that somewhere as well, couples who are closer in age have a stronger chance of withstanding divorce. I know he told me that. I asked him if I should just forget about what he said when he flirts and makes me feel special. I love myself, I am confident in myself.. but I second guess myself when it comes to him because I like him so much and I want to make a good impression. I want to be sexy, I want to be desired. 100% of me feels foolish, I really do.. but I am so intoxicated by this lust and feelings. I am captured. Every other man has been drama and they have brought nothing productive or beneficial to the table. This man is helping me, and even though there might be game. I am so tangled in desire, I'm trying to see straight.

Link to comment
You're a hopeless romantic and he says he can't offer anything romantic. You're barking up the wrong silver birch.

 

Yes but then I get sweet good morning messages. Sweet comments, constant attempts to meet up with me (which I've been avoiding because I'd like to get cute first before I see him again). It's tough

Link to comment
I don't believe it was professional intentions because when he messaged you you would have introduced yourself and told him that you were friending people in your industry with a purpose, and your photos on social media would support that.

 

You are not a hopeless romantic --- because he told you he has nothing to offer you in that way. He doesn't want a relationship or just not one with you. A hopeless romantic is all about flowers, cards, writing poetry with a sweetheart, not about chasing powerful men 30 years her senior.

 

And "sexy' is not a learned behavior. Someone either finds someone sexy or they do not.

 

 

We are not going to agree. You're entitled to your already formed opinion. Your information is limited. I have photos to support that over a span of years. I have business relationships of people that I have met that could vouch for me. But that's ok thanks for your advice.

Link to comment
Is he married? If he says he's not, you cant be totally sure he's not lying to you. You are living in a fantasy, a dream, and I too believe this will blow up/backfire on you. I hope you wake up and see you are being played by this guy.

 

Yes maybe so. So I guess my new question. How should I proceed. I still want to keep him around, but I don't want to be a play thing

Link to comment

Well isn't this a sad thread? Sorry, just being honest.

 

The subtext of your first post is that what you like about this guy is that he makes you feel small, powerless, unimpressive, and without much of an identity. Read that sentence again. Try to take a moment to process that without jumping to defend it.

 

Now, maybe you'll defend it nonetheless, rehashing the bits about him inspiring you to push yourself, go to the gym, get more out of life, and so on. Cool, I won't stop you. It's your life to live.

 

But all the fears about him growing bored with you, about you not being as interesting as you'd like to be, about feeling like a student lucky enough to be in the orbit of the wise sage—ooof. Hurt to read. Dude, by just being himself, is essentially taking every single insecurity lurking inside of you and lighting them on fire, making you feel pretty bad about yourself.

 

Which, yeah, feels a lot like vulnerability. And there's noting quite as intoxicating as feeling vulnerable, the emotional equivalent of having your clothes ripped off.

 

But real talk? It's the wrong kind of vulnerability, the shallow kind. It's feeling owned, disempowered, minimized, helpless. Damsel stuff, basically. Ego stuff: he boosts yours up and demolishes it all at once. You're already gauging your sense of worth and meaning by whether this dude can stay intrigued by you—a dude who has straight up said there's no chance for anything romantic. (Translation: sex is not off the table, but if it happens? Just sex.)

 

That's a good dynamic for him, of course, because he can go to coffee with you, burp up a few stories and ideas about life, and feel like God. He can hiccup—about business this, travel that—and feel like he just hoisted Mt Everest onto his shoulders thanks to the spotlight of your beaming, unblinking doe eyes. He might get laid, when and if he feels like. Candy for his ego, with no fear of cavities.

 

So, how to proceed?

 

Well, if you want some teacher-student thing that shreds your core worth but boosts your ego and sets your loins aflutter—keep hanging around, being the available pupil he already knows you are. He couldn't care less about you being confident, an equal, so don't worry about that; if that was his jam, he'd be jamming elsewhere, spending time with a woman who knows she's interesting and can set the world on fire whether or not a man validates her heat.

 

But, for all his admirable qualities, which I'm sure are real, he can't quite hang on that plane. Remember that. Just as a little weak spot inside of you is what's drawing you to him, it's a weak spot in him—not some worldly power and wisdom—that's got him drawn to you. Like seeks like, after all.

 

Crushes are fun, I get it. They can also crush us.

Link to comment
Have anyone ever asked you what you wanted in a partner? Chances are that you will run down a list of what you desire in the person you would like to be with.

 

Well, I met this guy who has every single trait that I have ever wanted in a man. He has traits that I didn’t even know I would find desirable. I am 26, he’s a silver fox and much older than me, but I don’t care, in fact, a part of me likes that. I am completely lost in major like with him. He has been messaging me on Facebook for a few years, but the other day we decided to meet up for coffee. It was the first time I met him, his presence was so powerful. We have this odd mentor-student like relationship and he teaches me a lot of valuable lessons. He’s a well respected VP, he’s a powerhouse mover and shaker with short tolerance for BS and for some reason that makes me both nervous and excited.

 

Truth is, he’s so cool to me and I am not as interesting as I would like to be. I have aspirations of owning my own business. I am a powerful performer at work and I am an achiever and I think that might have been what attracted him to me in the first place (I am trying to offer more than just looks, those fade). He’s constantly out doing something productive, but I am so quiet and timid at times that I stay behind closed doors for the most part, I am trying to break that habit. He inspires me to become a better person. To push myself, to get back in the gym, to get more out of life. He’s busy living his life that I would like to be busy living mine. I am so worried that he will grow bored of me. I realize that I am no longer in this wild naturally sexy phase that I was in in my late teens early 20s. Now, I feel like I reverted back to being odd. I can dress sexy and look it, but I’m nervous to act that part. I am corny as all get out and can use some help on my jokes.. I live under a rock and I don’t know too much about TV shows or pop culture references. He’s just everything I’ve been wanting in a man for years. He’s dominate, take charge and confident. A confident man wants his woman to be equally as confident, but Im not there.. And I am more nervous than anything that someone that I am into SO MUCH is talking to me every day. Any tips for a nervous timid girl dating an older man? He’s not trying to take advantage of me. I’m mature enough to know, I’m not gullible. I’d like to keep him around and I am open to any advice I can get.

 

The whole post reads like a dirty fantasy novel. If it's actually true, you need to stop living in your head and exit fantasy land. A "silver fox" hitting on twenty somethings via Facebook is no-one respectable. At best he is a narcissist who has tapped on your fantasies about being dominated.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...