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Thread: Stalker ex won't stop following me online

  1. #1
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    Stalker ex won't stop following me online

    Over three years ago I got a restraining order against an ex (in Canada/Ontario it's technically a peace bond, but same basic principles as a restraining order: no contact at all, can't carry certain "weapons", can't come close to place of employment, etc.). It lasted for a year. So he's legally been allowed to contact me for two-ish years. He sent me a really long message shortly after it expired, I ignored it, never received a message since.

    The thing is, every couple months I get a notification on some social media platform or another that he's liked a post. I keep blocking his accounts but he keeps creating more. There's nothing illegal/dangerous about this so it isn't grounds for another peace bond. But I obviously can't message him to stop because that would open up the floodgates of him thinking I'm talking to him again.

    It just triggers me every time I get these notifications. Like, it freaks me out that he's still trying to keep tabs on me. And I have no way of knowing what else he might be trying to do/find about me.

    I keep feeling life is great and fine and happy and then these notifications happen and I feel like I'll never escape my past or have control over my life. Any advice on changing my mindset or...anything...?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Maybe it doesn't qualify for a restraining order, but you could press charges for him harassing you?
    I don't know what it's like in Canada, but you need to document everything. Call the police even if it seems extreme so they have documentation of it.

    It's these things and people like him that you read about in the news, having done such things and ultimately the victim didn't speak up to their own peril.

    He obviously has some impulse control issues. I don't want to scare you, but at the same don't underestimate him.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Can you send a cease and desist order from a lawyer?

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    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    So can we get a little more info? Obviously you donít have to go into too much detail but was he violent, verbally abusive? What was done that his popping back up is triggering you beyond annoyance? Why did they order only last a year? I guess I am just a bit confused. If your made to fear for your life each time he contacts you, then please, please, please contact the courts and see what can be done, if it was just a painful breakup and the reminders hurt... unfortunately thereís little to be done, you have to take your power back, he canít get to you if you gain your power. I think thatís where a lot of your anguish is lying, he still has a lot of power over you, which often happens in abusive situations so completely
    Understandable but the law is so limited you sometimes have to be your own advocate. Making sure restraining orders are in place and ensuring youíre in a place where you do not fall apart when his name pops up.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by ForeverYours
    Over three years ago I got a restraining order against an ex (in Canada/Ontario it's technically a peace bond, but same basic principles as a restraining order: no contact at all, can't carry certain "weapons", can't come close to place of employment, etc.). It lasted for a year. So he's legally been allowed to contact me for two-ish years. He sent me a really long message shortly after it expired, I ignored it, never received a message since.

    The thing is, every couple months I get a notification on some social media platform or another that he's liked a post. I keep blocking his accounts but he keeps creating more. There's nothing illegal/dangerous about this so it isn't grounds for another peace bond. But I obviously can't message him to stop because that would open up the floodgates of him thinking I'm talking to him again.

    It just triggers me every time I get these notifications. Like, it freaks me out that he's still trying to keep tabs on me. And I have no way of knowing what else he might be trying to do/find about me.

    I keep feeling life is great and fine and happy and then these notifications happen and I feel like I'll never escape my past or have control over my life. Any advice on changing my mindset or...anything...?

    How high are your privacy settings on your social media accounts? My first thought is to change your settings so that ONLY pre-approved people (i.e. your followers, friends, etc) have the ability to like and/or comment on your posts.

    If the privacy settings are already set as high as they can go and he is STILL able to like/comment your posts, then my next thought is to take a long break from social media or to deactivate your social media accounts. If this is taking a severe toll on your mental well-being, it isn't worth it to be active on social media.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JenCrowley
    How high are your privacy settings on your social media accounts? My first thought is to change your settings so that ONLY pre-approved people (i.e. your followers, friends, etc) have the ability to like and/or comment on your posts.

    If the privacy settings are already set as high as they can go and he is STILL able to like/comment your posts, then my next thought is to take a long break from social media or to deactivate your social media accounts. If this is taking a severe toll on your mental well-being, it isn't worth it to be active on social media.
    I agree. I was sexually assaulted ( many times) and stalked by a family member as a teen. ALL my social platforms are private. I know this person is on social media. My social platforms are private as well because my husband is a CF member.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    The poster above me makes really good points. My first thought was about your privacy settings, as well. If he's making accounts that look like other people, how do you know it's him just by the likes? If the accounts are clearly him, stop accepting the invitations.

    I'm certainly not saying that the harrassment is something you should have to deal with, but no legal power will view likes on a social media platform as a punishable offense. It's up to you to control your accounts and protect yourself or get rid of them altogether.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Jen good point! Many social media apps have an ability to altogether disable friend requests I think itís a minor inconvenience if it stops the harassment if itís bothering to this level.

    Another option even if itís just for a while until he stops trying - get off social media.

    These are all potential options obviously you should not have to change your life because someone else is harassing you but you have to do something to take your power back

  10. #9
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    I've got a lot of sympathy with this; I've been stalked online in the past, and I know that horrible lurch in the stomach you experience when you realise that this obsessional creep is still observing you, even if the material of itself isn't offensive.

    Eventually all the **** stopped when the guy found a girlfriend, but this may not happen for you anytime soon. As others suggest, batten down your privacy settings, close existing accounts and open up new ones. He'll still be out there, but if it's been two years and he hasn't attempted to make any kind of face-to-face contact, then hopefully he won't do anything further. It's a horrible feeling, I know.

    (((HUGS)))

  11. #10
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Get off social media or go under a different name. I know a lot of people who don't use their real name.

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