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Thread: Stalker ex won't stop following me online

  1. #11
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    I know this all too well! Just create a different name and change all social media accounts under that name. I know it sounds extreme but if you canít block him or he keeps popping up by looking for you thatís your safest bet.

    I had to do that for a creep awhile back.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to completely reset and reevaluate our social media presence. Make sure everything is as private as possible. Why broadcast your life/personal business when you know there is a stalker? No one, real or fake or stalker or whatever can 'like' a post if they can't see it. It's that simple.

    You do have control over your life and most of all your social media. Why are you posting in a way that is visible to the general public? If you need help ask someone a bit more internet/tech savvy to help you get yourself off such a public social media presence. Or do some research on how to reset everything to insure your privacy.
    Originally Posted by ForeverYours
    every couple months I get a notification on some social media platform or another that he's liked a post.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    So I donít think the OPers gonna come back, I donít think this post is going how she expected, stalking is an incredibly scary and traumatizing thing but an ex who likes posts every two months is just far too easy to rectify...

    Originally Posted by ForeverYours
    She also has a tendency to say I live drama and bring drama into her life. It isn't my fault that the first guy I fell in love with was a cutter and did drugs. I was 14; what the hell did I know? I didn't TRY to fall in love with him, it just happened. Just like I didn't make my (other) boyfriend kill himself when I was 17. I didn't make my following boyfriend stalk me and make me go to court to get a restraining order against him. When I finally meet a good, decent, sane man, he too is drama in her mind because he has 2 kids. My life is not drama. I did not make these things happen. It is simply my life. It really hurts when she says "You cause so much drama".
    OPer you made a post about your mothers criticisms back in 2015... 2015 where this stalker is mentioned which would mean this has been going on for nearly 5 years? Your mother told you, you have a tendency to live in drama and surround yoirself in drama, which bothered you, my question is did it bother you because it was hurtful or did it hit a nerve because deep down you knew it was true?

    I realize the chances of you coming back to answer are slim but youíre probably still reading, if you read this please give it some thought and maybe try to educate yourself more on self reflection and self responsibility. Counseling to unpack your baggage may help too, you started latching yourself to the wrong men at an incredibly young age, I obviously donít know the cause of that but I think itís worth exploring.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So I donít think the OPers gonna come back, I donít think this post is going how she expected, stalking is an incredibly scary and traumatizing thing but an ex who likes posts every two months is just far too easy to rectify...



    OPer you made a post about your mothers criticisms back in 2015... 2015 where this stalker is mentioned which would mean this has been going on for nearly 5 years? Your mother told you, you have a tendency to live in drama and surround yoirself in drama, which bothered you, my question is did it bother you because it was hurtful or did it hit a nerve because deep down you knew it was true?

    I realize the chances of you coming back to answer are slim but youíre probably still reading, if you read this please give it some thought and maybe try to educate yourself more on self reflection and self responsibility. Counseling to unpack your baggage may help too, you started latching yourself to the wrong men at an incredibly young age, I obviously donít know the cause of that but I think itís worth exploring.
    I was clearly having a rough day, so not checking on the forum until the next day isn't unreasonable...

    I actually didn't think to check and confirm my privacy settings on everything, and I'm glad I was reminded of that from everyone else here. I respect people's suggestions of changing my social media names, and although I don't want to that, it is a valid option I'm realizing I may need to actually give it some thought. It'd be an inconvenience to me as it would be for most people but it may be worth it, so yes, I should consider it. Shutting down my social media accounts would be difficult, since as it is with many in my generation it's my primary form of contact with most family and friends.

    I understand that you don't know the peace bond process in Ontario, nor do I expect you to, but I'm irked that you jump to think that because it had an expiration date it means it wasn't a big deal. According to research I did back when I was going through that process, the typical length of a peace bond is one year. Restraining orders are typically reserved for family members or partners that share children, whereas peace bonds are for everyone else. Peace bonds have an expiration date that can be extended or become permanent if the terms of the peace bond are broken. As I said in my initial post, the terms of peace bonds are often very similar to those of restraining orders. They are issued and enforced with the same severity. They're not thrown around to people who are just inconvenient presences.

    I have no reason to defend the events that led to the peace bond. That literally has nothing to do with this post. I was posting for advice on how to mentally strengthen myself after the fact, since as has been said by someone here, no legal entity will see social media likes as grounds for another peace bond or harassment. I would seek therapy to discuss this mental strengthening if I could afford it right now.

    Lastly, shame on you for bringing up a topic from nearly 5 years ago that has literally nothing to do with this. Do you seriously think people don't change? You have no idea what my mother was like or how she has owned up to her judgmental faults and grown as a person since then. How about you educate yourself on victim blaming.

    Thank you to everyone else. Your support and advice have been helpful.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ForeverYours
    I was clearly having a rough day, so not checking on the forum until the next day isn't unreasonable...

    I actually didn't think to check and confirm my privacy settings on everything, and I'm glad I was reminded of that from everyone else here. I respect people's suggestions of changing my social media names, and although I don't want to that, it is a valid option I'm realizing I may need to actually give it some thought. It'd be an inconvenience to me as it would be for most people but it may be worth it, so yes, I should consider it. Shutting down my social media accounts would be difficult, since as it is with many in my generation it's my primary form of contact with most family and friends.

    I understand that you don't know the peace bond process in Ontario, nor do I expect you to, but I'm irked that you jump to think that because it had an expiration date it means it wasn't a big deal. According to research I did back when I was going through that process, the typical length of a peace bond is one year. Restraining orders are typically reserved for family members or partners that share children, whereas peace bonds are for everyone else. Peace bonds have an expiration date that can be extended or become permanent if the terms of the peace bond are broken. As I said in my initial post, the terms of peace bonds are often very similar to those of restraining orders. They are issued and enforced with the same severity. They're not thrown around to people who are just inconvenient presences.

    I have no reason to defend the events that led to the peace bond. That literally has nothing to do with this post. I was posting for advice on how to mentally strengthen myself after the fact, since as has been said by someone here, no legal entity will see social media likes as grounds for another peace bond or harassment. I would seek therapy to discuss this mental strengthening if I could afford it right now.

    Lastly, shame on you for bringing up a topic from nearly 5 years ago that has literally nothing to do with this. Do you seriously think people don't change? You have no idea what my mother was like or how she has owned up to her judgmental faults and grown as a person since then. How about you educate yourself on victim blaming.

    Thank you to everyone else. Your support and advice have been helpful.
    Shame on me for referencing your own words to get a clearer idea since you didn't bother to come back to respond?

    Yeah, see the whole victimhood/guilt trip thing, really doesnt work on me...

    It took you an hour to respond to my post which to me would lead even the least logical person to conclude youve been reading this whole time, not responding is your prerogative, but clearly this whole concept of you 'surrounding yourself with drama' is a trigger.

    No I do not know how Ontario works which is why I asked for clarification, I made no statements about your laws except to say in general laws are limited which in your response you agreed, prosecuting someone based on liking posts might be a challenge, I really dont know though since you had a previous order, it might be possible, you've done your research so Im sure you know...but here are my exact words:

    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So can we get a little more info? Obviously you donít have to go into too much detail but was he violent, verbally abusive? What was done that his popping back up is triggering you beyond annoyance? Why did they order only last a year? I guess I am just a bit confused. If your made to fear for your life each time he contacts you, then please, please, please contact the courts and see what can be done, if it was just a painful breakup and the reminders hurt... unfortunately thereís little to be done, you have to take your power back, he canít get to you if you gain your power. I think thatís where a lot of your anguish is lying, he still has a lot of power over you, which often happens in abusive situations so completely
    Understandable but the law is so limited you sometimes have to be your own advocate. Making sure restraining orders are in place and ensuring youíre in a place where you do not fall apart when his name pops up.
    The blatant fact that you are conveniently avoiding by dramatizing my response to you is you can easily block this person from contacting you.

    To believe you thoroughly researched peace bonds, but didnt think to check or change your privacy settings is just asking me to suspend a lot of logic, but whatever, arguments aside, fix the issue, itll take you less than a minute. Problem solved! Look at that after dealing with him for 5+ years.

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    The thing is not everyone can respond that second to a question. People have jobs and lives. I know for myself I work almost 14 hours a day and not in am office. I have my own small business so the pissing around factor personally loses me money and endangers my mini clients.

    So ...:: I assume others donít have time to mess around on the internet all day either .

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Pardon, I'm coming into this a little late. The OP mentioned she is blocking his accounts but he keeps creating new ones. I know there is an option to disable non-friend messages so perhaps this is the best route overall. She can't control how many accounts he chooses to make but she can control her account.

    You're also able to disable notifications. I personally get enough notifications regarding my work and personal calendars. I don't need social media notifications so I've disabled all of them. Try learning how to curb certain triggers. Everything else will fall into place. I'd take heart that this is just regarding social media. Let the past go.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    The thing is not everyone can respond that second to a question. People have jobs and lives. I know for myself I work almost 14 hours a day and not in am office. I have my own small business so the pissing around factor personally loses me money and endangers my mini clients.

    So ...:: I assume others donít have time to mess around on the internet all day either .
    Thank you. Figureitout23 clearly doesn't understand that not everyone has it set up to get notifications for their threads. Or the notifications can end up in spam. Nor does that user have any tact, since again, people who go through incredibly stressful and scary court proceedings shouldn't have to defend outside of court the events that led to those proceedings to have their mental state taken seriously.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP donít let the triggers stop you from thinking life is great. If it truly is then a like on social media from this person isnít going to change that. I say that not to minimize, instead to remind you to stay in the present moment and not allow this person to continue having power over you.

    Keep blocking and lock down your privacy settings... you can hide your posts from anyone not on a specific list.

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ForeverYours
    Thank you. Figureitout23 clearly doesn't understand that not everyone has it set up to get notifications for their threads. Or the notifications can end up in spam. Nor does that user have any tact, since again, people who go through incredibly stressful and scary court proceedings shouldn't have to defend outside of court the events that led to those proceedings to have their mental state taken seriously.
    Also too sometimes I will wait before I speak. If I feel sensitive about something sometimes I need a time out or I can be very nasty unless I have a breather. So I give people benefit of the doubt that they thinking before they respond. Perfectly reasonable.

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