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Thread: Vacation Situation

  1. #51
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Originally Posted by purplepaisley
    How in the world did you both manage to plan a trip at the same place at the same time?
    How do two families end up going to Disney on school spring break?

    People have their places they go and if a couple went there a lot or their families did, they will likely keep going to the same place for holiday weekends.

    I would say if he is stepparenting, they have moved too fast. He should not be involved quite that deeply with the child.

    Also, if its the dad's time, he does not have to allow the boyfriend to come for that hour and need not invite him. I have known couples that do not include the ex's significant other unles they are married and most of the time. Maybe she wanted to just see her child and her ex parent in laws without having to worry if he was "feeling disrespected" * i mean - if he can't even handle one hour...

    its not about what dad should do, but how he reacts to it --- his reaction might have told her that he can't respect coparenting

  2. #52
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I disagree that it is unusual to be faced with a situation where your partner has to make her top priority in life... a priority. It's a different situation but the same basic values that are common to mature adult relationships -dealing with situations where it's not all about you and instead about something very important to your partner that might annoy/inconvenience/make you feel insecure. And perhaps she feels the rockiness is because he can't deal in general with that basic relationship concept and this was just another iteration. Would be interesting to know that.

    I'd never been in the situation of a boyfriend cancelling a date because his ex girlfriend's water broke. It would have been horrible of me to burden him with my "oohhhh this is all new to me" when he's about to be a daddy. I'd never been in the situation of my husband losing a parent who he loved to the moon and back - which included me having to put my basic needs dead last, which included tons of solo parenting of 3-4 year old at unpredictable times, which included never having seen him in that kind of grief, for example. It's all part of relationships -unpredictable situations and crises and it comes back to -maturity, respect, reliability - so that it really doesn't matter what the exact situation is - with rare exception -but if you love and trust your partner your first desire is to step up to the plate, not focus on "but what about ME" and "this is disrespectful to ME". And if that's your first inclination it's highly unlikely you're going to allow your anxieties to "drive the ship" and if you feel that coming to the surface you'll resist the urge in favor of being there for your partner.
    This times 1000... we are all human and sure itís normal to have feelings, whatever they are, when we suddenly drop down to the bottom of (or middle) of the list, however as adults we need to learn to manage our emotions like adults. My ex would behave like a cranky toddler whenever he wasnít the number one focus of my time and energy. Meanwhile he refused to help me with life or reprioritze any of his list. 🤦🏻♀️

    It would be a huge red flag to me if my BF told me I was disrespectful for wanting to spend an hour (or even an evening) with my child while we were on vacation.

    I donít think the OP is a bad person at all... just that he doesnít understand what itís like to be away from your baby for any length of time never mind 2 weeks.

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