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Thread: He keeps reaching out, am I doing right?

  1. #1
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    He keeps reaching out, am I doing right?

    So long distance guy that lied about being “single never married “ keeps reaching out.

    I told him on Friday that I had no interest in pursuing anything further and that I am not the type to change my mind.

    He said he respected my decision but hoped we could still say “hi how are you” — I don’t see any point in that.

    So it’s all good until Sunday, he had just gotten back home told me he landed, it was raining and he had a two hour bus ride.

    I didn’t reply, even though it feels so rude not to say anything.

    Then today, Tuesday he reached out again with a “hello, how are you doing today?”

    I have left it unread. Am I right not to respond at all? Or should I just ask him not to get in touch anymore or respond but let conversation die?

    Sorry, I think you guys will feel annoyed at me for even asking but I hate being “mean”.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates

    I told him on Friday that I had no interest in pursuing anything further and that I am not the type to change my mind.

    He said he respected my decision but hoped we could still say “hi how are you” — I don’t see any point in that.
    s
    You've made yourself clear and if he continues to reach out in spite of that, that's on him.
    And for the record, he isn't respecting your decision.
    Continue to ignore him. He's hoping he'll wear you down.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'd just let the conversation die.

    It's pretty clear that he just wants a texting buddy—the digital version of the "girlfriend experience." And while I think you, too, were enjoying the "boyfriend experience," you've kind of come to see that, alas, it was just that: virtual reality with human players that wasn't going to magically become actual reality—especially, you know, with a dude whose grasp of "truth" and "facts" is malleable at best.

    There is nothing rude, nothing "mean" about being silent. You've been clear—that was "nice," and really all you owe someone who was and is a complete stranger. Now you stay clear, which is being honest, which is being "nice."

  4. #4
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    Don't understand why you haven't blocked him? You appear to be attracted to drama?

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  6. #5
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    Yes, you are absolutely right not to respond at all.

    You are not the one being "mean" here. You expressed, specifically, that you had absolutely zero desire to keep in contact. In turn, he claims to "respect your decision", but his actions prove otherwise.

    He continues to reach out to you, trying to get a conversation started, despite knowing that you do not wish to engage in any further contact with him. He is thinking only of himself and what it is that he wants, not of you and what it is that you want. By reaching out to you, he is clearly telling you through his actions "screw you and whatever it is that you want, I don't care. Your wants are unimportant to me. I will not respect you nor your wishes and will contact you as I see fit. I am the only one who matters, me, me, me!"

    I advise that you block this person, immediately.

  7. #6
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    You haven't even met this guy. I don't understand you!

    Why are you wasting time on any of this? I think it is for an ego stroke.

  8. #7
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    Thanks Holly, you also haven’t met me. I’m just wondering what the “right thing is” and how best to navigate this with as much tact as possible.

    I’m not a dramatic person, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being unnecessarily cruel.

    I think from the general consensus my non response is on the right track.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by JenCrowley
    Yes, you are absolutely right not to respond at all.

    You are not the one being "mean" here. You expressed, specifically, that you had absolutely zero desire to keep in contact. In turn, he claims to "respect your decision", but his actions prove otherwise.

    He continues to reach out to you, trying to get a conversation started, despite knowing that you do not wish to engage in any further contact with him. He is thinking only of himself and what it is that he wants, not of you and what it is that you want. By reaching out to you, he is clearly telling you through his actions "screw you and whatever it is that you want, I don't care. Your wants are unimportant to me. I will not respect you nor your wishes and will contact you as I see fit. I am the only one who matters, me, me, me!"

    I advise that you block this person, immediately.
    This resonated with me. Thanks Jen, I felt a lot better reading your thoughts. Thank you

  10. #9
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    There's not always a "right thing" in life. From this guys perspective, the "right thing" is for you to never date anyone else and just give him attention whenever he wants it no matter what he does.

    Does that jive with the "right thing" for you?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Being tactful is not responding and blocking. You owe each other nothing and he lied to you (not sure what that means - he's cheating on someone?). This isn't your neighbour, he's not a friend and he's not an associate or any type of acquaintance. Please don't sink so low or let yourself believe this is anything more than a desperate attempt to erode your peace of mind. Surely you have better things to do in your life than waste time and energy entertaining people you hardly know.

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