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Thread: He keeps reaching out, am I doing right?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    If you don't want to talk to someone who keeps reaching out you can always block and delete.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    If you don't want to talk to someone who keeps reaching out you can always block and delete.
    I hadn’t thought of blocking, I’ve never been in a situation that required that.

    I looked up the steps and have blocked him.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    This behaviour is a product of being taught to be “nice” to people, aka set our feelings aside and focus on making them feel better.

    Sure it’s good to be considerate of someone’s feelings but you have already done this no? Been honest and told him you aren’t interested? Because if that’s the case then it’s time to stop being “nice” and put up some boundaries which can include ignoring and blocking this individual. This isn’t being “mean”, it’s standing up for what you want and what you need and it’s sending him a message that enough is enough.

  4. #14
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You've already realized he lied, told him you had no interest in pursuing anything further yet he still hounds you. You gave him the courtesy and fair warning. It's time to completely ignore and block him permanently.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by maew
    This behaviour is a product of being taught to be “nice” to people, aka set our feelings aside and focus on making them feel better.

    Sure it’s good to be considerate of someone’s feelings but you have already done this no? Been honest and told him you aren’t interested? Because if that’s the case then it’s time to stop being “nice” and put up some boundaries which can include ignoring and blocking this individual. This isn’t being “mean”, it’s standing up for what you want and what you need and it’s sending him a message that enough is enough.
    Yes this. I ignored someone on my nextdoor app. I responded to his post about planning a group walk in the neighborhood with coffee after. I said I might be able to do the coffee after given timing and hoped to be able to join in on the walk maybe over the summer given schedules. He then messaged me privately twice in the space of a week asking the same thing -whether I wanted to plan a walk. Twice I told him patiently what I had responded the first time. I realized the second time he was "interested" even though I'd shared I was married. The third time which was a week later I just ignored. Is it "nice" - well, maybe not technically - you're supposed to be polite and respond, right? But at that point I knew I needed to send a strong signal that it wasn't ok to keep contacting me in that manner. So far so good.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    Thanks Holly, you also haven’t met me. I’m just wondering what the “right thing is” and how best to navigate this with as much tact as possible.

    I’m not a dramatic person, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being unnecessarily cruel.

    I think from the general consensus my non response is on the right track.
    If you are not responding then why don't you block?

  8. #17
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    Everyone, she did block. Good luck FirstDates!

  9. #18
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    I can only speak for myself, but the only time I felt bad or "not nice" for not responding is when I still cared.

    If the guy has been a shyt, and I don't care (usually goes hand in hand but not always), then I don't give it a second thought.

    I used to not have the block function, so I would simply divert all his/their texts to my trash.

    FD, I am glad you blocked, I hope it sticks and you don't start feeling "not nice" and unblock which is quite common actually.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I can only speak for myself, but the only time I felt bad or "not nice" for not responding is when I still cared.

    If the guy has been a shyt, and I don't care (usually goes hand in hand but not always), then I don't give it a second thought.

    I used to not have the block function, so I would simply divert all his/their texts to my trash.

    FD, I am glad you blocked, I hope it sticks and you don't start feeling "not nice" and unblock which is quite common actually.
    Thanks Katrina,

    It isn’t caring that kept me from doing so before. I guess I just always associated ‘blocking’ with someone who was outright offensive. If he was swearing at me and being malicious it would have been a no brainer.

    I wasn’t thinking about what Jen had said at first. He has not been respectful to my request and that is disrespectful to me.

    I’ve blocked, I’m not going to unblock him.

    Thanks all.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try not to let curiosity, loneliness or boredom interfere with appropriate filtering and selection. Once you rule someone out, delete and block them. Now that you know he lied why are you communicating? Try not to get trapped in cyber-relationships and let it go this far to the point where you are investing emotions in basically, a figment.
    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    So long distance guy that lied about being “single never married “ keeps reaching out.

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