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Thread: I just dont know whats next

  1. #1

    I just dont know whats next

    I have had a crush on this girl, for about one year now. We went out for 2 times last year. I don't know. It was like "friend date", just the two of us. When I went out with her for the first time, things were ....great. She was friendly, we were somehow getting closer to each other and I am that type of guy who does not want to rush things and get to know each other first. I kind of felt that she had feelings for me, too. We texted each other for a few times every week. Things were somehow progressive, I guess.

    And then, just a few months later, towards the end of the year, I just noticed that suddenly, there is a distance between us. Compared to when we first got to know each other, it's like I can feel that she's slowly stopped talking to me or getting cold towards me (kinda, or at least that's what I felt). I don't know if it is because something else or because of a question I asked during second "friend date", which I asked if she has ever dated anyone before..romantically. She replied No but maybe after her studies. I just took note of it, continues the conversation as usual and walked her home that night. I get it if she does not want to be in relationship now or so but I don't want this friendship forged to be gone, just like that. To be honest, I don't have friends, except her, if you count. I have no one else to talk to. I have had depression because of that, too.

    Yes, I want to get to know her more as friends, close friends first but the way things are now, its kinda awkward, I guess. We barely talk. I am already an awkward person. With this happening, it had me thinking of what's next (I do overthink a lot, too). Now and then, I will try to text her but she will give those one word and short replies, which makes me feel like she does not want to talk.. so we have not been texting each other for a few months now. Also, I did not want to irritate her.

    Still, like I said, I do not want to give up on her and moving on is the last thing I want to try, because the last time I did, it took me nearly one and a half year of pain and misery. She's been on my mind almost everyday these days and I am just really confused as to what's next.
    Last edited by krypton97; 05-22-2019 at 11:21 AM.

  2. 05-22-2019, 12:08 PM

  3. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You only spent time twice in one year as friends. This is far too slow. I think she's being polite with you but she's not interested. If you really want to turn things around you'll have to get a handle on your depression and your social anxiety and come out of your shell. This is slower than a snail's pace and really begs the question how old are the both of you and what's going on in your life where you feel so destabilized or anxious that you're unable to be yourself or open up easily. I don't want you to feel even worse about yourself but I think you might benefit from a reality check. This is totally going nowhere and it seems like she's quite fed up with your approach or lack thereof.

    I'm also afraid whether you're building this up in your mind and they are complete illusions (ie there really is no connection between the both of you at all). She sounds more like an acquaintance, if anything. Please work on seeing a therapist or school counselor if you feel you need to deal with your depression or anxiety.

  4. #3
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    Originally Posted by krypton97
    I have had a crush on this girl, for about one year now. We went out for 2 times last year. I don't know. It was like "friend date", just the two of us. When I went out with her for the first time, things were ....great. She was friendly, we were somehow getting closer to each other and I am that type of guy who does not want to rush things and get to know each other first. I kind of felt that she had feelings for me, too. We texted each other for a few times every week. Things were somehow progressive, I guess.

    And then, just a few months later, towards the end of the year, I just noticed that suddenly, there is a distance between us. Compared to when we first got to know each other, it's like I can feel that she's slowly stopped talking to me or getting cold towards me (kinda, or at least that's what I felt). I don't know if it is because something else or because of a question I asked during second "friend date", which I asked if she has ever dated anyone before..romantically. She replied No but maybe after her studies. I just took note of it, continues the conversation as usual and walked her home that night. I get it if she does not want to be in relationship now or so but I don't want this friendship forged to be gone, just like that. To be honest, I don't have friends, except her, if you count. I have no one else to talk to. I have had depression because of that, too.

    Yes, I want to get to know her more as friends, close friends first but the way things are now, its kinda awkward, I guess. We barely talk. I am already an awkward person. With this happening, it had me thinking of what's next (I do overthink a lot, too). Now and then, I will try to text her but she will give those one word and short replies, which makes me feel like she does not want to talk.. so we have not been texting each other for a few months now. Also, I did not want to irritate her.

    Still, like I said, I do not want to give up on her and moving on is the last thing I want to try, because the last time I did, it took me nearly one and a half year of pain and misery. She's been on my mind almost everyday these days and I am just really confused as to what's next.
    I've been doing online dating for 7 years. It's not quite the same as when it is someone in person, but here's the thing. Most of the first dates are fine. On most of the second dates, about halfway through the date something just doesn't feel right - we don't fit for whatever reason. And I don't really want to see that person again. And sometimes it's the other person who feels that way where I would have wanted to continue. When you see someone from afar, you can get ideas about what it would be like to be together, but until you actually try it you don't know. She probably just didn't feel the same click that you did. And that's OK.

    Except for the fact that you have been overthinking and obsession about how to turn this situation into your favor. A much better strategy would be to figure out how to turn your life situation to your favor. All of the energy you have put into thinking about her will be worth more if you work on developing your social skills in general. Join clubs, talk to strangers, ask out other girls. A lot of things aren't going to go the way you are hoping of course, but this one already hasn't. There are so many opportunities out there. You aren't as awkward as you think, in that there are so many other weirdos. Most of us are weirdos, you just need to find the ones who are weird in some of the same ways. When your life is fuller, you don't have as much space to obsess over some girl you barely know who is just not that into you.

    Having a girlfriend isn't going to solve your depression unfortunately. You need to get that treated and try to find some tools that can help.

  5. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you really like a girl and want to date her you need to rethink "I am that type of guy who does not want to rush things and get to know each other first". Unfortunately, it sounds like you're shy with girls and this is what you tell yourself. A girl can lose interest if you hang around passively while other boys are asking them out on dates.
    Originally Posted by krypton97
    I have had a crush on this girl, for about one year now. We went out for 2 times last year.

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